


Heart's Getting Torn (from your mistakes)

by madlaw



Series: SG: Alternate Season 5 [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, CatCo Worldwide Media, Earth-1, F/F, Friendship/Love, L-Corp (Supergirl TV 2015), Lesbian Sex, Reconciliation, The DEO | Department of Extra-Normal Operations, canon divergent after season 4, post-reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 19:03:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 55,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20140450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madlaw/pseuds/madlaw
Summary: Lena uncovered Kara’s alter ego.In the worst way possible—because finding out in any way other than from Kara’s own mouth, constitutes the worst way—Lena now knows her best friend’s been lying to her for over three years.  Not just keeping a secret, but actively lying and misleading, distrusting and betraying.Now what?





	1. Won't You Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Story inspired by the song _Say You Love Me_ by Jessie Ware.__

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara feels her powers, but they’re just out of reach, like a heavy blanket’s smothering them. Whatever Lena’s done, it’s not kryptonite. Or at least not any version Kara’s experienced yet. There’s no nausea or the sick feeling presaging excruciating pain. She supposes she should thank Rao for small favors. 
> 
> “After all we’ve been through, do you really think I’d hurt you Lena?” Kara asks sadly. 
> 
> “Ah, but that’s the point—turns out after all these years I’ve never really known you at all Ms. Danvers.”

She knew. 

The second she spotted Lena’s profile, sitting at her desk, the shattered photo frame’s glass spidering out from its impact with the heavy bottomed Glencairn tumbler, the three friends' unwitting smiles still immortalizing a fleeting moment of joy in the encased photograph, Kara understood. 

Supergirl hung suspended in the humid air just off the balcony of Lena’s office at L-Corp, her body preternaturally still, but her mind racing. In the space between one breath and the next, awareness dawned. 

Lena uncovered Kara’s alter ego. Supergirl.

In the worst way possible—because finding out in _any_ way other than from Kara’s own mouth, constitutes the _worst_ way—Lena now knows her best friend’s been lying to her for over three years. Not just keeping a secret, but actively lying and misleading, distrusting and betraying.

Now what? Kara knows she can’t give the genius too much time to wallow in her anger and pain. Both because Kara can think of nothing more dangerous than an angry and wounded Lena and because she’s inflicted enough damage on the young Luthor. She wants to soothe Lena’s pain, not augment it until she breaks.

She glances down one last time at her friend before shooting up into the sky.

* * *

Cat shoots a sharp glance towards her balcony door when she hears a muffled thump. Usually she’d reach for her scotch and stroll casually towards the sound, expecting her favorite blonde protégé. But recent events have left her wary of the unexpected and she reaches for her special taser instead—a gift courtesy of the DEO. 

But when Supergirl stands and waves sheepishly, she drops her reach and instead struts confidently towards the superhero, sliding the door open and smirking at the blushing blond. “All that practice and you still can’t nail the landing?” She snarks in the sarcastic yet affectionate tone she reserves for the hero.

Supergirl huffs in mock irritation, but her eyes sparkle with warmth. “I’ve missed you too Ms. Grant. Although I’d wish you’d make it easier on me. You fled to Bhutan, now the South Pole?”

“Yes, well I heard it might be my last chance to take a selfie with an Emperor penguin before climate change wipes them out. But I’m sure you didn’t come all this way to critique my global wandering. Get in here before I need your heat vision to thaw me out,” she drawls as she steps back, shivering.

The balcony door shuts before Cat finishes her sentence and she lets the silence settle over them as Supergirl starts to pace slowly around the room, wringing her hands in a manner blatantly reminiscent of her former assistant. 

She stops abruptly, hands fisted on her hips, and takes a deep breath. “Lena Luthor knows I’m Supergirl.”

Cat smiles softly, because of course Kara seems oblivious to the irony as she tacitly admits for the first time Cat’s known her identity all along, or at least for a long time now. She waits a beat for the anticipated ramble—

—and is not disappointed when Kara shoots off on her tangent.

“I mean, she knows I’m me, Kara Danvers me and oh, Ms. Grant, I’m sorry, I never told you but you knew because you always know and I wanted to tell you but now Lena knows—” 

Cat interjects at Kara’s next breath, “Well if you’re finally honoring me with the truth, call me Cat—and get me a refill—Kara.” Cat smirks as she slinks gracefully onto the couch, preparing to give her preeminent <strike>former</strike> assistant her undivided attention. Although she stopped seeing Kara as merely an assistant, or even a particularly promising protégé, a long time ago. Cat would likely never tell her, but Kara Danvers was one of a select few journalists Cat considered her peers.

Kara gives herself a mental shake as she automatically looks around the room for the ever-present bottle of scotch sure to be found somewhere in Cat’s periphery, no matter where in the world she might venture. Obeying Cat ingrained in Kara’s psyche years ago.

Cat taps the space next to her as Kara approaches with the bottle. “Sit.” She waits for Kara to settle and gazes at her thoughtfully.

“I am sure agent Scully and the soon to be ex-interim CEO of CatCo stridently warned you off a friendship with the youngest Luthor. Did you really think the genius sister of your family’s most xenophobic enemy would never figure it out?”

“No. I just—time got away from me. I wanted to tell her. Maybe not at the beginning, but she earned my trust long ago. It just never seemed the right time and…there were other factors at play.” 

Cat studies the haunted look on Kara’s face. Something beyond the young hero’s own insecurities and apprehension flashes in her eyes—fear maybe. But what scares a superhero that badly?

“Well regardless of your reasons, and I’m sure there’re more than one, all equally valid, now she knows. Have you spoken with her?”

“No! I don’t know how she found out, but she knows. I need to be prepared…for the consequences. I can’t just confront her without a plan.”

“A plan for what, Kara? You’ve been Lena’s staunchest supporter practically from the day you met. I’ve had Snapper periodically chewing my ear off since your first interview with her—blathering about bias and conflicts of interest.”

Kara stares unseeingly into the distance as she considers Cat’s question. “Lena inhabits a world of moral ambiguity. But at some point, she started looking to Kara Danvers as the absolute north on her moral compass…she was recently betrayed by another friend…someone else who lied to her about who she was, _every day_. She told Kara she’d never trust anyone again if it wasn’t for her friendship and integrity. How am I supposed to face her now? Knowing my betrayal was so much worse.”

Cat takes an unhurried sip of her scotch, feeling the deep burn in her throat. She places her hand on Kara’s, giving a gentle squeeze. “Kara, there could be no nobler person’s example for Lena to follow than yours. The real question you need to ask is—‘Is Lena the person you’ve always believed her to be?’ Regardless of the answer, there’s only one way through to the other side. The truth—messy, painful, and unvarnished.”

Kara considers Cat’s words. “Cat, when did you know? My identity, I mean.”

Cat scoffs at the question irreverently. “I suspected when the cameras captured you standing on the wing of the plane, soaking wet, but oh so very pleased with yourself. My suspicion was confirmed the minute I stepped out of the car for our interview. You validated it every day since.”

“But you saw Kara Danvers and Supergirl together! In your office—you spoke to us! You said we looked nothing alike!”

Cat’s signature eye roll colored her completely unimpressed. “Yes, you threw me for a New York minute, until I had time to think. You could’ve pulled it off in so many ways, I didn’t even try to figure out how. Although I’m relatively sure Supergirl was the imposter in that scenario. Just like I’m certain you did not try to feed me whole milk and manipulate me with a Catskills Summer Stock worthy crying performance.”

“I wish I could’ve been there to see it. I heard it was a disaster,” Kara snickers, immediately composing herself at Cat’s glare.

“But, uh, afterwards—you didn’t try to fire me again. You never even pushed me on my identity. Not really. Why?”

“Kara, I—I reacted poorly initially. But I heard you…when you told me you needed me and CatCo—and I discovered, much to my chagrin, I needed you too. Not Supergirl you, although I needed the hero too, but you, Kara. I needed your optimism and your faith. You saw me for the first time in decades—maybe ever. You looked beyond Cat Grant, media mogul and boss, and you saw Cat—a flawed woman and mother trying to make a difference. You saved my son, my life, my career—how could I do any less?”

Cat shrugs as she takes another gulp of her forgotten scotch. “Anyway, I am sorry for all the times I fell short of the mentor you deserved Kara. You truly are extraordinary and now that you’ve stopped wasting time with the charade,” she snipes playfully, “I hope we can be friends.”

Kara grins, genuine and hopeful, “I’d like that too.”

The mood soon turns somber again as they walk towards the balcony side by side. “Kara, Lena needs you now more than ever. Intentionally or not, you broke her heart. Only you can piece it back together again. You’re going to have to show her you’re different from everyone else who’s done so in the past—prove to her that beneath the arguably necessary artifice and lies, you trust her. The world does not need another disillusioned and desolate Luthor on its hands.”

“She’s not,” Kara starts, but stops before launching into her standard Lena defense. She knows Cat’s not judging Lena for her last name. The facts are Lena’s a genius billionaire raised in a xenophobic and pathological environment, who’s also a loving, compassionate, and visionary woman. 

“Kara…whatever you need—just reach out. I’m here. Always.”

“I will…and thank you, Cat, for everything.”

As usual, their hug lasts a beat too long to be considered strictly friendly. Kara slowly unwraps her arms from around her mentor, her hands trailing down Cat’s arms and entwining their fingers loosely. She plants an impulsive kiss on Cat’s cheek before she loses her nerve, then super-speeds into flight before Cat can react.

Cat sighs fondly as she stares at the space Supergirl just occupied and tries hard not to think about all the ways Cat Grant needs Kara Danvers. 

* * *

Kara considers her options on her way back to her apartment. As usual, Cat’s right, the truth will be the only way Kara and Lena can save the bond they’ve spent years building. But the truth is not just a set of facts easily communicated and accepted. It’s context—and that takes time to process…and time is never on their side. 

A kernel of an idea begins to germinate and by the time Kara lands inside her apartment it’s fully matured. Now to make preparations.

* * *

Lena’s pouring herself a glass of wine when she hears a soft knock at the door. She turns her head slowly, taking in her shoes and purse strewn in the entryway where she’d discarded them after a long day, and fixates on the security peephole as if she could see through it from her living room. There was no call from the security desk so it’s either an uncharacteristically polite assassin—or Kara. Lena thinks she’d prefer the former, but there’s little doubt it’s the latter. She’s heard a version of that knock nearly every day for the last three years, either at her office door, or lab, or here, in her most intimate sanctuary.

Briefly she considers ignoring it, but knowing Kara’s Supergirl makes it a moot point. The intrepid reporter knows she’s home. No doubt she used her super-hearing and x-ray vision to confirm Lena’s location before she tracked her down. So, it’s either a confrontation now or one later—because Lena’s not pretending ever again. Sitting through one game night faking ignorance was more than enough. 

She sets the bottle in her hand down carefully and walks deliberately towards…inevitability.

Kara meets Lena’s eyes through the partially open door. One look and they’re both on the same page. Lena’s silence is unnerving, but Kara’s determined to carefully consider her words before speaking. A misunderstanding at this critical juncture could be disastrous for more than just the two women.

“Hi, Lena,” Kara begins quietly. “May I come in?”

Lena studies her for an eternal moment then gestures her inside with a sweep of her arm. She follows the tense reporter to the couch and they sit. Lena remains silent, dispensing with any social niceties, imprisoning Kara in an indifferent stare.

Kara takes a calming breath and realizes she feels odd. Physically. 

Watery blue eyes latch onto smug icy jade. 

Kara feels her powers, but they’re just out of reach, like a heavy blanket’s smothering them. Whatever Lena’s done, it’s not kryptonite. Or at least not any version Kara’s experienced yet. There’s no nausea or the sick feeling presaging excruciating pain. She supposes she should thank Rao for small favors. 

“After all we’ve been through, do you really think I’d hurt you Lena?” Kara asks sadly. 

“Ah, but that’s the point—turns out after all these years I’ve never really known you at all Ms. Danvers.”

Kara takes a deep breath and bites her tongue, stifling her initial reaction. “We both know it’s not that simple. But do you honestly believe I would physically hurt you—with or without my powers?”

“If you don’t intend to hurt me—_Supergirl_—then why does it matter the steps I take to protect myself?” the CEO rebuts with a smirk.

Kara stands and shakes her head in frustration. Lena’s locked down—Kara needs to crash through. But sometimes the way to get through walls isn’t by applying brute force. So, the more fortified Lena’s armor, the more vulnerable Kara will allow herself to become.

She kneels before Lena, who remains rigidly on the couch, but leaves enough space between them so Lena won’t feel trapped or crowded.

“I was wrong Lena. I deeply regret lying to you. You owe me nothing, but I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness and your friendship.”

Lena stares at her incredulously.

“I already told you—I can never trust you again. I thought Supergirl crossed a line, but it turns out Kara Danvers dove across the Rubicon! You think pretty sentiments will undo the past? I may not have seen you before Kara—if that’s even your name—but I see you now _Supergirl_. I see you in all your hypocritical, manipulative glory,” Lena spits, before regaining control of her temper.

She will not let Kara see how much she hurts. She refuses to give her the satisfaction of knowing how agonizing the ache or how vast the void fashioned by the wake of her deception.

But Kara refuses to turn away from the devastation she knows she’s caused. “Good. I don’t want to be your idol Lena. I never did.”

Lena stands and strides over to the floor to ceiling windows leading to the outside patio. Kara pivots to keep her in sight but doesn’t rise.

“Lena, we can’t leave it like this…” Kara pleads softly.

“Perhaps you should’ve thought of that every time you left me with a lie on your tongue,” Lena rebuts sharply.

Kara sighs and rises slowly, moving to her former friend’s side, but respecting her personal space.

“Lena, I know you don’t understand what you mean to me—what you have always meant to me—and I know I’m solely to blame. But my life only started making sense when I met you. So, I will meet any condition you set, I will honor any request you make, I will tell you anything you want to know—if you’ll just agree to hear me out. Give me a chance—not to make excuses, but to convince you that you mean more to me than you could possibly fathom.”

Lena turns her head, confused but still skeptical eyes searching Kara’s.

“Why?” she finally scoffs. “Don’t you understand? Nothing you say will change anything. You let me live a lie for years Kara. I thought I belonged at last to a family with friends who cared about me. But the truth is I was more of an outsider than I ever was with the Luthors. I thought they were world-class manipulators, but you make them look like rank amateurs. You made a mockery of my friendship and any alliance I may have shared with Supergirl.

If you’d kept your distance and your secret, I would’ve understood. But you wove me into your life both as Kara _and_ Supergirl, while simultaneously prevaricating at every turn.”

“Lena, please…”

“You don’t have to concern yourself with me any longer Ms. Danvers,” Lena cuts off abruptly. “I assure you I won’t be plotting in the shadows, following Lex’s primrose path to madness.”

“The thought never crossed my mind,” Kara blurts so quickly, it gives Lena pause. There’s no artifice in her ex-best friend’s eyes, no subterfuge in her tone. But then again, there never has been.

“What do you want from me?” Lena bites out sharply. “You can’t possibly have expected that I would take your words at face value and what—say all is forgiven? Give you carte blanche back into my life?”

“Lena, even if our friendship is truly dead, there are things you need to know now. It’s not as simple as disappearing from my life and terminating your work with the DEO or selling CatCo. Given the way you’ve cut everyone off, there will be questions. _People are already wondering_. Despite the progress we’ve made—a rift between Supergirl and Lena Luthor will attract attention from all the wrong people.”

The CEO looks at her with contemptuous scorn. “You simply can’t help yourself, can you? Your pitiful entreaties fall on deaf ears, so you think you’ll so easily manipulate me again with subtle threats?! Get out of here Kara, before I forget that I cared about you once,” Lena delivers in a deadly calm voice as she gestures towards the door.

“Fine. Let me be clear and unambiguous then,” Kara asserts as she straightens to her full height, no longer trying to make herself small and nonthreatening. “The DEO already suspects you’ve discovered Supergirl’s secret identity. They know you’ve suddenly cut off all communication with Kara Danvers and your friends and colleagues. Sometime soon they will take steps to make sure you are not in a position to hurt their interests.”

“I can protect myself,” Lena blithely dismisses Kara’s words.

Kara's lips draw a thin line as she carefully studies the formidable woman in front of her. “Tell me Lena, do you know the breadth of a Martian’s telepathic abilities?”

Against her better judgment Lena lets herself be drawn into the conversation. Her insatiable curiosity and thirsting intellect prevent her from following through on kicking Kara out.

“They can read human thoughts.”

“True. They can read other species’ too, although not Kryptonians, but their abilities extend far beyond simple reading of the mind. Their telepathy extends to mental shields and detection, memory manipulation, and mind control. Their physical powers rival mine and they can shape-shift and phase through solid objects.”

Kara pauses, considering how much she’s willing to reveal to Lena in order to gain at least enough trust for what she intends to ask of Lena next.

“You will not see them coming and a simple neural blocker will not protect you. Given time, I am sure you could develop the technology to safeguard your mind as well as your person. But it's time you will not get.”

“What are you suggesting? That I pretend all’s well and go back to the status quo?”

“No, even if you were willing it’s too late now. It's been three weeks since you isolated yourself. They’ll want to reassure themselves you’re not a present threat or a future danger.”

“So? Let them come. Forgetting I know Kara Danvers is Supergirl sounds like a win/win to me. In fact, I would think you’d prefer it that way too.”

“They wouldn’t stop at erasing that knowledge. Best case scenario, they’d wipe any and all connections between us that could lead to you learning the truth again. Think of the last three years Lena—all the experiences we’ve shared, the ways we’ve helped each other grow. The worst case, and more likely, scenario, they'll lock you in a hole so deep, you'll wish they'd killed you. There are simply too many ways for you to rediscover the truth. Lex's research, Lillian-,” Kara trails off.

Although Lena will never admit it to Kara, she knows she’s a better version of herself since Kara came into her life. Along with the grief and heartbreak, there’ve been moments of unprecedented happiness, success, and love. It’s the reason Lena’s so devastated. Kara Danvers retrofitted her world with laughter and friends and purpose, but it collapsed in an instant of Lex's malevolence when its diseased foundation crumbled. More accurately, when the illusion dissipated, Lex's glee erupting in the face of Lena's devastating clarity. 

But no matter the past or what the future may hold, knowledge is power and Lena is still enough of a Luthor to know you never relinquish power.

“I imagine you came here with a plan Supergirl—just spit it out.” Anxiety radiates from the CEO’s body language and heartbeat even if she’s still outwardly calm.

“I want you to come with me.”

“Go with you where?” Lena asks incredulously.

Instead of answering, Kara pulls a device from her pocket. Lena glances at it, then cocks her head, raising an eyebrow in question.

“It’s an interdimensional extrapolator. It can open an interdimensional breach between points of space, both in the same universe and between others.”

“Wait. You expect me to step into the unknown and trust you to keep me safe?!”

“Lena, even at human strength, I could’ve opened the breach and dragged us through it before you could stop me. If I wanted to hurt you or disappear you, I wouldn’t be asking permission!” Kara huffs exasperatedly. “Just like if you wanted to hurt me, I’d be writhing on the ground, instead of feeling vaguely human under what I suspect is a facsimile of red sun radiation.”

“You’re still not answering my real question!" Lena barks. "Why? Why go through all this trouble? Why not sever all ties with me and let the chips fall where they may?” Lena asks challengingly.

Kara stares at her unblinkingly for a long moment before answering.

“Two reasons—because I care about you and because you and I, finally working together, without secrets on either side, can change the world. I don’t mean saving the world from alien threats. Whether we work together or not Lena, you and I both know you will always do anything in your power to defend earth. I mean solving critical global issues permanently—clean, renewable, efficient energy, food security, clean water. With advanced Kryptonian technology and your genius, the possibilities are endless.”

“I’m flattered,” Lena deadpans, “but I’m hardly the only genius on the planet. Why me Kara?”

“I believe in you Lena. You’re also a billionaire not beholden to governmental interests and you control a media empire that can truly change the global conversation.”

“So yesterday you wouldn’t trust me with your secret identity and now you expect me to believe you have this much faith in me?” Lena questions mockingly.

“Lena," Kara sighs, "I know we need to have a much longer and detailed conversation about our past, about me, but I’ve believed in you from the day we met.”

“Maybe—and that’s a _very_ doubtful maybe—that’s true Kara, but you were working with all the facts. You could make those connections between us because you knew almost everything about me before we even met—”

“But you still felt it too! There was something between us from that first day!”

“Yes, something started between us. It’s called a long-con. You preyed on my most basic human frailty, my desperation to be seen for who I am and not my family’s xenophobia. My need to be loved and validated. Congratulations, you succeeded where the Luthors failed.”

“Really Lena? Then what was my payout? The ridicule of my friends? The alienation from my family? The literal torture I suffered at the hands of Lillian and Lex?!”

“I’ve been useful to you and the DEO in too many ways to count Supergirl," Lena responds indignantly. "Furthering your career as a reporter, saving alien life, buying a worldwide media conglomerate to protect Supergirl’s image…take your pick.”

“You’re wrong. You and I saved _each other_ Lena. We make each other better.”

“I’m done talking in circles with you Kara. Even if I were inclined to indulge your foolish idealism, I have billion-dollar enterprises to run. I can’t just disappear into the multiverse with you.”

“But that’s the beauty of what I’m asking Lena. You won’t lose any time. Using the extrapolator, we can take an interdimensional road-trip and I’ll have you back five minutes from now.”

Kara can almost see the gears in Lena’s mind churning. Maybe Lena’d be able to holdout against Kara’s emotional appeals, but the chance to travel the multiverse? Kara fights against a near compulsion to apologize again and waits the CEO out.

Lena still trusts Kara despite all the anger and hurt. It was easy to be disappointed in the hero, to hold on to her self-righteous indignation. But denying Kara was never Lena’s forte. She stares at her silently before responding reluctantly.

“Fine. I’ll go with you. But this changes nothing Kara. I’ll hear you out. That’s all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Philosophical Taoism espouses whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard.


	2. We're Running Out Of (Words to Say)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know Lena, I’ll be the first one to admit I’ve never hesitated to ask for your assistance. I never doubted you’d do anything in your power to help. But I also never hesitated to stand up for you, to believe in you when you didn’t even believe in yourself!”
> 
> “So, James—” Lena starts, but is immediately interrupted.
> 
> “I am not talking to you about James,” Kara huffs as she shakes her head and starts to walk away.
> 
> “Walk away Kara,” Lena calls after her. “It’s something else you never hesitate to do.”

Lena stumbles a step as the breach closes behind her and Kara. She takes a centering breath and observes their surroundings.

They’re standing in a small clearing in what appears to be a dense old-growth forest, weathered trees rising out of the earth to brush against the sky, but Lena can also hear the incongruent crash of a roaring surf in the distance.

“Where are we?” She asks warily, her eyes cutting towards the hidden shore.

Kara sighs softly, an insecure smile gracing her face. “Cape Perpetua in Oregon.”

Lena raises an eyebrow in question. “We couldn’t have just flown here?”

Kara’s smile slowly morphs to a mischievous grin. “Nope,” she replies with a pronounced pop. “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

Lena stares, unamused.

“Uh, we’re in a parallel universe,” Kara stammers. “Earth 1. Think of it as a central junction in the multiverse—from here we can travel to any alternate earth.”

“Why here?” Lena frowns, starting to question her impulsive decision to follow her former friend without first getting more information.

“I have friends here,” Kara replies firmly, hoping to reassure Lena she made the right choice in trusting her, “and we needed a safe place to stay and work.”

Lena’s mind races with a plethora of questions and she starts to speak, but then abruptly shuts her mouth without a sound. 

The light is starting to fade, leaving behind shadows and dark patches surrounding them. She catches a glimpse of eyes glimmering from tree hollows and the wind wails among distorted trunks, carrying the sickly stink of wood rot. Suddenly, getting indoors seems imperative—her questions can wait.

“Then lead the way,” she states noncommittally as she steps to Kara’s side.

Kara moves towards an opening in the trees without hesitation and Lena notices a worn track leading deeper into the forest. She follows closely, not willing to lose track of Kara in the growing darkness.

* * *

Lena focuses on the uneven path under her feet, intent on avoiding the tree roots crisscrossing the trail. After a few minutes at their brisk pace, sweat dampens her skin and her muscles burn, but she refuses to ask Kara to slow down. Raindrops drip from the trees onto her head and she seriously hopes they’ll be indoors before the suddenly threatening storm hits.

Just as her resolve to stay silent weakens, they emerge in a vale ringed by granite spires and outcroppings. The encroaching night obscures the details, but Lena’s left with the impression of a spiky tree line and massive rock walls. A sudden lightning flash stabs downward and lights up the clouds, releasing an onslaught of water instantly soddening their clothes.

In the brief strobe of light, Lena makes out a large structure in front of them as Kara darts towards it. Before sprinting after her, Lena glares at her disappearing back, sure the hero cheated with a burst of super-speed.

By the time Lena reaches the porch and its relative dryness, Kara has the door opened and Lena vaguely makes out a wide-open space past her.

Kara steps inside, hitting the light switch and making room for Lena to stride into the welcome warmth.

“What is this place?” Lena asks as she looks around.

“It’s what my friend Oliver euphemistically calls his hunting cabin,” Kara responds wryly.

“Oliver?” Lena asks with trademark raised eyebrow.

Kara hesitates before saying anything else. “Lena, I want to be completely transparent with you, but I need your word—”

Lena scoffs as she cuts her off. “What? My word I won’t use anything you tell me to further the evil Luthor plot to rule the world?”

Kara narrows her eyes, counting to ten in her head, reminding herself she alienated her best friend and Lena’s hostility, while not exactly merited, is not unexpected.

“I was simply going to ask for your word you will do everything in your power to safeguard the secret identities of my friends. I was going to ask for your commitment to keep anything I share with you confidential as circumstances warrant,” Kara states quietly, striving not to become defensive in the face of Lena’s anger.

“How do you know I’ll keep my word?” Lena asks, challenge dripping from her tone.

“Know? I don’t _know_, Lena. But I believe in you. I have always believed in you and I will keep believing in you. Not because you don’t or won’t make mistakes, but because I know your heart.” Kara tries to bleed every ounce of sincerity into her words, wondering if she’ll ever stumble upon the magic phrase that will allow Lena to believe in turn.

Lena gazes at Kara contemplatively, a distant and guarded look gracing her elegant features. “Don’t be naïve Kara. You don’t know me as well as you think.”

“You’re wrong.” Kara answers confidently. “I know you keep secrets too, but I also know you love fiercely and loyally. I _see_ you Lena. Not some idealized version of you, but the beautifully complex woman I’m proud to know.”

Lena’s eyes snap back to Kara’s with sudden clarity and Kara can’t help the sense of foreboding that overcomes her—the air pregnant with impending revelation and Kara suddenly fears the moment she suspects will change everything. 

Lena’s thoughts hitch at the word. Proud. ‘_But, when I'm gone, who will be left to be proud of you?’_

Lena’s gaze morphs to mocking certainty. “I’ve done things you will never forgive.”

Kara’s hands tremble slightly, the only outward sign she’s dreading Lena’s next words. But inside, her thoughts race. Should she leave before whatever horrid revelation Lena’s about to make can escape her mouth? 

Kara’s good at leaving. _‘I wish I could explain, but—but maybe it's better if I just go.’_

It’s part of the reason her friendship with Lena lies in tatters. Instead of confronting difficult and painful truths, she’d fled. Repeatedly—and wasn’t this why she’d brought Lena here? To finally have time and space to speak the truth? To prove to Lena, she trusts her…trusts _in_ her?

“I murdered Lex,” Lena announces, sadly triumphant. But in the silence afterwards, the words echo anticlimactically.

Kara stares blankly for a heartbeat, not quite processing. But she knows she needs to say something before Lena interprets her silence as condemnation. “I don’t understand. I saw Lex die. He deactivated his gauntlet and let himself fall,” Kara stammers in explanation.

Lena finally looks away and drifts toward the floor to ceiling windows at the back of the room, staring into the darkness, but seeing an altogether different place.

Her brother on his knees. _‘We both know no matter how much you despise me, you're not ruthless enough to pull that trigger.’_ The whip-like crack of the sonic boom ringing, astonishment on his face, the acrid smell of gun smoke, steam and sulphur on her tongue, his blood shining, on his hands, but seared onto hers.

“Lex didn’t die in the fall. He teleported to a bunker behind Luthor Manor.”

Lena sighs at Kara’s confused look.

“I knew Lex’s abrupt departure from the oval office could only mean one thing: a confrontation with Supergirl. But I was equally certain of something else: Supers don’t kill. Lex is—was—the cockroach of supervillains. If he survived, he’d escape. So where would he go? 

That mural in his cell. Hannibal crossing the Alps. Except it wasn’t. It was actually a mountain peak behind Luthor manor. We could see it from our tree-house. One day we were hiding from Lionel and Lex pointed to it and promised me he’d build a house to keep us both safe forever.

I was waiting for him. I shot him in cold blood.”

Lena startles when she’s unexpectedly enveloped by warm arms. “Oh, Lena,” she feels the words on the breath on her neck more than she hears them as Kara hugs her. She stiffens instinctively, but then relaxes into the embrace just as intuitively, exhaling a sob.

She clings to Kara as she weeps for her brother, for herself—letting the cathartic emotion run its course. Gradually she pulls away and turns from Kara, unable to meet her eyes. 

Kara watches her quietly for a moment, carefully considering her next words. “I am no one to judge you, Lena. But for what’s it’s worth, I stand by what I’ve said before. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul—and, for the record, I’m not nearly as naïve as when we first met.”

Lena can hear the small smile in Kara’s voice and when she turns to face her all she sees in Kara’s eyes is acceptance.

* * *

Lena wakes groggily, momentarily disoriented by her surroundings, until she remembers last night. Kara, the cabin, her confession. Yet again she feels weak and exposed and wishes she had better control over her emotions. 

She mulls over her decision to come here with Kara. Really, what does she hope to accomplish? Does she even want Kara back in her life? Every time she thinks about the blonde’s deception her body flushes with red-hot fury and shame. How could she have been so willfully ignorant? Time and again she believed Kara’s shallow excuses, accepted her ridiculous explanations. 

That’s the thing though. Lex was right. Denial _is_ a powerful defense mechanism. _‘You chose not to see it.’_ Deep down she’d known the inconsistencies with Kara were piling up, but she’d refused to look too closely. Now it just seemed pathetically needy—to crave friendship so strongly she’d play the fool.

But. Yet. Lex was also wrong. There was more to her relationship with Kara than humiliation and betrayal. She’d accused Kara recently of not being there for her, but as it turns out, Kara’s always stood steadfast by Lena, whether as herself or her alter ego. No matter what Lena’d thrown at her or Supergirl, Kara never abandoned her. But why? Is she keeping a friend close or an enemy closer?

Time will tell she supposes. But answers won’t come to her wallowing in bed. Time to face the day and the consequences of her choices.

* * *

Lena hears a soft curse as she approaches the kitchen. Or at least what passes for a curse in Kara’s universe.

“Darn it!”

She strolls in casually, but doesn’t spot anything amiss. Steam wafts from a perking coffeemaker, mugs waiting close by. Kara’s standing over the stove, flipping pancakes.

She smiles widely, way too chipper for Lena before caffeine. “Lena, good morning!”

“Yes,” Lena replies drolly as she rolls her eyes and makes for the coffee.

“I made you avocado toast,” Kara informs her proudly as she puts the finishing touches on her pancakes.

Lena turns just as something falls from the ceiling. She looks up and finds a round grease spot, presumably from at least one of the aforementioned pancakes. Kara smiles sheepishly. “Uh, I was a little too enthusiastic with my flipping.”

Lena fights a smile, but Kara doesn’t miss the slight twitch of her lip.

They sit at the breakfast bar and eat in companionable silence. Lena can’t help it. Being with Kara has always been easy—and well, meals are their thing. They’ve shared so many over the years. Some of her favorite memories involve cooking with Kara, trying new foods, even food shopping.

Lena knows Kara feels the same and suspects the blonde’s trying to put her at ease. But it’s going to take a lot more than a good meal to lower Lena’s defenses.

“So, what are we doing here Kara and who is Oliver?”

“It’s a convoluted story, but the short of it is I met Oliver through my friend Barry. They live here on Earth 1 in Star City. Oliver’s CEO of Queen Industries. They’re a multi-industry conglomerate. They used to specialize in weapons manufacturing, but Oliver’s turned its focus to technology.”

“So, is it just coincidence, or do you befriend CEO tech billionaires on every earth?” Lena needles sarcastically. But Kara sees through her snark and spots the insecurity.

“You’ll always be my favorite Lena,” Kara quips with a grin. “Although Oliver’s and my doppelganger did get married on Earth X,” she tosses in with a wink. “But that’s a much longer story for another time.”

Lena ignores the sudden burning sensation in her chest at the thought.

“Let me clean up here and we can make ourselves comfortable in the living room. Then I’ll explain why we’re here,” Kara offers.

“You made breakfast, it’s only fair I take care of the clean-up,” Lena responds, standing and gathering their plates.

“Okay, come find me when you’re done.”

* * *

A short while later Lena finds Kara in the living room sitting on an overstuffed chaise lounge sofa, her feet tucked under her. The cabin’s wide planks and neutral colors create a cozy atmosphere in the room. Kara’s lit a fire and its warm glow suffuses her features and the crackling flames compose a soothing cacophony.

Lena hands her a fresh cup of coffee and sits on the sofa across from her. She regards Kara neutrally and waits. Kara shifts nervously and sighs.

“I’m not sure where to start,” she finally admits. Lena knows Kara's referring to why they're on Earth 1 and likely Kara's reasons for keeping her secret and why Lena should believe she's not the villain in Kara's story. But there's an opportunity here, in the vulnerability Kara's exposing, and Lena's going to exploit it as long as possible.

“I want to know it all,” Lena says after the silence lingers. Because her curiosity exceeds her rage. Just how advanced is Kryptonian technology compared to Earth and how much has Kara dumbed down her intellectual capacity to make humans comfortable? 

“I want to know all of you. So, start at the beginning—with Krypton.”

Kara smiles in awe. In all her time on earth, no one has ever asked to know her in quite this way. 

She begins softly, "My name is Kara Zor-El and Krypton—Krypton was _home_.”

There’s so much raw emotion teeming from one simple word and as Kara speaks, as she reveals herself, the wonder in her voice never falters.

Lena listens to Kara expose herself bit by bit, only interrupting occasionally when her curiosity outstrips her patience, or when Kara’s racing words outstrip Lena’s ability to process. She watches this woman she thought she knew transform or maybe it’s the exact opposite. Maybe for the first time she’s truly seeing Kara whole—and she’s not just an aggregate of Kara Danvers and Supergirl. She’s _more_ than the sum of her parts.

Despite herself she’s captivated by the discovery—Kara’s eyes can be brighter, her smile can be broader, her hands more expressive as she searches for just the right words. And as she watches and listens to Kara stop and start and exclaim when she remembers something she must share instantly, urgently, Lena realizes that along with keeping her secrets, Kara’s kept all of this inside too.

It strikes Lena it must be a burden, to be the last true child of Krypton—and although its not exactly the same as the burden of hate imbued in the Luthor name, it’s just as heavy. To be the last person who remembers a red sun—to look around and know colors are missing—because earth is not _home_. 

Kara’s parents sent her to earth to care for an infant when she was barely a teenager. What kind of parents saddle a child with such an impossible mission? Then to finally arrive on earth, after suffering years of unspeakable loneliness, only to realize the baby she’d been meant to protect, her only reason for being allowed to survive her planet’s destruction, was a man, more human than Kryptonian, who couldn’t deign to be inconvenienced by the responsibility of caring for the only being left in the universe who shared his blood. A man who’d abandoned her with strangers, no matter how well-intentioned.

Lena wonders if Kara hates and loves Clark in equal measure, like she does Lex. Does she look at Clark and know he can never fill the void of her loss? Does she cringe when his almost-human tongue speaks their language, _her_ language—close but never sounding just quite right? Do her hackles rise when he pontificates about their culture—a culture he only learned about from computers, no matter how intelligent, but one she lived and breathed and lost.

As Kara loses herself in her memories, she looks ethereal and regal and every bit the impassioned, extraordinary woman Lena's always thought her to be.

They're both brought out of their respective fugues by a guttural sound. Kara's stomach is growling. Loudly. Lena laughs, her eyes alight with mischief. “Right on time. I swear we could set the atomic clock by your stomach.”

Kara swats her playfully and for a moment all the angst is forgotten and they’re just two friends, teasing each other and enjoying spending time together. As they make their way back to the kitchen, Lena knows the morning’s been a pleasant distraction, but the hard conversations are on the horizon and her mood sobers.

* * *

By unspoken agreement they table any serious conversation until after lunch and Kara sets about using her heat vision on several frozen pizzas while Lena prepares a salad. There’s never much talking while Kara eats and twenty minutes later Lena loads the dishwasher while Kara wipes down the counter.

“Ready for a tour of the grounds? I could use a walk,” Kara offers as she rubs her belly.

“Sure,” Lena agrees easily. 

They head out the kitchen door and Lena’s surprised to see a barn in the backyard. As they approach the structure Lena begins to suspect all is not as it seems though. The large double doors look the part, but they’re glowing slightly and on closer inspection Lena suspects they’re made of nth metal, the Thanagarian element she’d become familiar with at the DEO. She’s proven correct when instead of reaching for the door handle, Kara holds her hand up revealing a hidden scanner and a biometric lock.

The doors swing open silently and Lena follows Kara inside what is quite obviously a state-of-the-art lab, rivaling those at L-Corp. Long countertops ring the room and overhead fluorescent lighting bathes it in antiseptic light.

Kara waves her arms around to encompass the space. “Oliver helped me retrofit his existing lab for your use. There’s also a workout area in the loft upstairs. I think we’ve covered every conceivable need you may have, but if you need additional equipment just let me know and I’ll see if we can get it.”

“What exactly do you expect I’ll be doing here?”

“You need to develop a neural implant that will allow you to block all of a Martian’s telepathic abilities. You also need to be able to detect when they’ve shape-shifted. An exosuit with your own particular touch of genius wouldn’t be amiss either.”

“What aren’t you telling me _Supergirl_,” Lena asks sternly. “I know your secret and suddenly J’onn’s a threat?”

“No Lena, I’m not saying he’s a threat. But he’s not the only Martian on earth and we’ve not always agreed on…how to handle…certain situations.”

> _We have to start treating Lena Luthor like a hostile._

“You mean _me_.” 

“Not _just_ you, but yes. Look, J’onn first introduced himself to me by ordering his agents to shoot me out of the sky shortly after I rescued the plane and came out as Supergirl. He had me brought to the DEO in kryptonite restraints.”

Lena looks equal parts confused and horrified. “But didn’t Alex work for him already?”

“Yes. Unbeknownst to me. I found out when she walked into the room and so graciously unlocked the handcuffs.

My point is that he spent over three hundred years viewing both humans and aliens as threats. He may be an on again off again pacifist, but in my experience, he’s shoot first, ask questions later. You wouldn’t be the first person whose mind he wipes to protect my identity.

Look Lena, if, as I genuinely hope, we’re to be true allies and friends, we’ll be painting an even bigger target on your back. As you’ve seen, Supergirl is no more immune to betrayal than a Luthor and sometimes those holding the knife bear the face of a friend. But even if you walk away from me forever, you’re already in danger because too many people know I will always come running if you’re at risk.”

Lena wants to disagree and point out all the times Kara’s disappeared on her, but those times involved a different type of hurt, an altogether different type of danger. Kara’d always come for her when her life was threatened and Lena knew, more certainly than she knew the most basic mathematical theorem, that wouldn’t change just because she exiled Kara from her life.

“Even if I agree, I know next to nothing about Martian physiology or cognitive psychology,” Lena reasons.

“Right,” Kara smiles, “follow me.”

Lena rolls her eyes but follows Kara to what turns out to be a small office. Kara walks over to a discreet wall safe and disengages another biometric lock, retrieving a small object. She turns, holding out her palm face up, and Lena sees a small ring. It emits a barely discernible glow and Lena suspects it too is made of nth metal. A lightning bolt is engraved onto a circular obelisk.

She glances at Kara curiously.

“This is the reverse-flash ring. I borrowed it from my friend Barry. It normally stores his suit. On this earth, Barry’s a meta-human known as the Flash. Before you came to National City, Supergirl teamed up with a meta-human Ms. Grant named the Blur. That was Barry. We met when he accidentally tore through dimensions during a speed test while training.

But the real power of the ring is its link to Gideon.”

Lena fights the urge to roll her eyes again. “Who’s Gideon?”

“Gideon is an interactive artificial consciousness Barry created in the future. Again, long story. But, she’s at your disposal and her operating system can only be accessed through the ring.”

“An AI?” Lena asks, only marginally incredulous. After all, it’s a field she’s more than tangentially familiar with.

“Yeah, like Brainy, but without the tragic backstory,” Kara quips.

Lena hesitantly takes the ring Kara’s still holding out like an offering and slips it on her finger. The lightning bolt flashes briefly and a three-dimensional female hologram appears. 

“No one thought to clothe her?” Lena asks with a frown.

Kara blushes, somewhat embarrassed. “It’s the first time I see her,” she admits.

“Good afternoon, Lena Luthor and Supergirl,” an electronic voice emits from the hologram.

“Gideon’s already programmed to accept your commands,” Kara points out.

Lena stares at the hologram in fascination. “Gideon, has my access to your operating system been restricted in any way?”

“No, Ms. Luthor. I will follow any command you give.”

“Can you access any video from my earth showing the office of the editor-in-chief at CatCo Worldwide Media from January 29, 2018?”

The date is one indelibly etched in Kara’s memory, but she’s not sure what Lena hopes to accomplish by watching video of herself dying. 

The answer comes instantly. “Yes. There are seventy-two separate videos of varying lengths. Shall I play them?”

“Narrow the search to any video depicting me unconscious on the balcony floor. Play it from the minute I collapse until I’m no longer in the frame.”

Gideon projects the video onto a whiteboard across from where Kara and Lena stand. It’s apparent it’s a compilation from cellphone footage as well as interior and exterior CatCo security cameras. 

Kara turns away while Lena watches the same scene from different angles. The entire footage lasts only a few seconds. It’s clear Kara never hesitated. She just picked Lena up and flew off the balcony with Lena cradled in her arms.

“Why?” The question lingers in the air between them, but Kara doesn’t turn to face Lena.

“I thought it was a dream, but you did fly me somewhere,” Lena says softly.

Kara finally turns, an anguished look on her face. “Of course, I flew you somewhere Lena! You were dying!”

“Yeah, I get that—but I guess what I mean is _Kara Danvers_ flew me off that balcony. You didn’t change into your suit. Why?”

“I had no idea what you’d been poisoned with or how fast-acting or lethal the toxin!” Kara growls. “I wasn’t wasting a single second to change into my suit Lena!”

“But you risked exposing your identity, not just to me, but to anyone in the bullpen or in view of the balcony even,” Lena presses, an intense look on her face Kara can’t interpret. “Clearly, video exists of it.”

“What do you want me to say Lena? Keeping my secret would never be worth a life.”

“Oh, how many people has Kara Danvers flown?” Lena asks, her tone flippant, but her eyes never leaving Kara’s.

“You know the answer.”

“Tell me,” Lena insists.

“None! I did it because it was you!” Kara shouts as she throws up her hands. “Why does this matter now?”

“Because Kara. You want me to forgive you, but you lied to me repeatedly. You say you trust me, but you went behind my back and sent my boyfriend to search my vault. You say you care about me, but you know me—because I opened up to you the way I’ve never done with anyone else in my life—you knew what that kind of betrayal would do to me, and you did it anyway! So, pardon me if I need some corroboration when you tell me you want me in your life because you care about me! Excuse me if I’m skeptical you’re not just using me.”

“You know Lena, I’ll be the first one to admit I’ve never hesitated to ask for your assistance. I never doubted you’d do anything in your power to help. But I also never hesitated to stand up for you, to believe in you when you didn’t even believe in yourself!”

“So, James—” Lena starts, but is immediately interrupted.

“I am not talking to you about James,” Kara huffs as she shakes her head and starts to walk away.

“Walk away Kara,” Lena calls after her. “It’s something else you never hesitate to do.”

Kara pauses at the accusation.

“What was it you said yesterday?”

_‘So, I will meet any condition you set, I will honor any request you make, I will tell you anything you want to know—if you’ll just agree to hear me out.’_

“But I should trust in your words, _Supergirl_?” Lena sneers. “You can’t even keep a promise to me for twenty-four hours,” Lena hisses contemptuously.

“I remember another promise I made to you Lena when we barely knew each other. I will always be your friend and I will always protect you. Even if sometimes I screw it up royally and even if you never feel the same.

But you’re right. I did promise to tell you anything you want to know. But think carefully Lena—before you ask questions, make sure you really want the answers.”

“During my entire relationship with James you were vaguely supportive, but mostly noncommittal and basically kept your distance from us when we were together. Why?”

Kara sighs and squeezes the bridge of her nose in obvious frustration. “Lena, please. Let’s not go there.”

“Were you jealous, Kara?”

“Not even a little bit—” Kara bites out.

“Then why? He’s one of your closest friends. I was supposedly your best friend. Why were you so distant?”

“It’s complicated Lena.”

“I have news for you Kara. If you want me back in your life—if you want even a chance—we’re just getting started.”

“Fine,” Kara sighs in surrender. “But can we go back to the house at least? This will take awhile and I need a drink.”

Lena gestures towards the still-open doors and follows silently.

* * *

Kara grabs a bottle of wine and one of Aldebaran rum along with two glasses from the kitchen. 

Lena remains silent as they settle back in the living room, pouring herself a glass of wine. They end up sitting on opposite ends of the couch facing each other—Lena stoic and Kara pensive, although Lena suspects Kara would rather be facing another world killer than this conversation. But she waits her out—a tactic she learned early on at the negotiating table.

Kara fidgets with the stem of her glass as she starts to speak, not really focusing on Lena. “I guess I never believed James was genuine in his affections for you.”

Lena doesn’t ask the obvious follow up and simply watches the emotions flit across Kara’s face.

“If I had listened to James about you, _just once_, since you and I met, you’d be _dead_ Lena. He wasn’t just cautious and suspicious because of your name—he was strident and adamant that you were evil and deserved to be left to your fate. 

If the police arrested you, then you should rot in jail. Why do you think Guardian showed up the night Corben broke you out of prison?" 

> _If she can betray her own mother, what is to stop her from pulling a long con on you? Okay, I know she's your friend, Kara, but Lena's bad news. _
> 
> _Why, because she's a Luthor? _
> 
> _No, because she's guilty. And if you don't see that, I'm gonna prove it to you._

"If Lillian tried to kill you, then I should let you die."

> _What is it going to take for you to realize that Lena is a criminal?_

"He was absolutely affronted and outraged that I would call you my friend and take your word over his.”

> _And you have so much faith in her, but none in me, as Guardian._

“So, you don’t believe James could change his mind after he got to know me?” Lena finally asks caustically.

“When exactly did he take the time to get to know you Lena? You bought CatCo and your first day he was tripping over himself with his macho posturing..."

> _I consider myself the person who's been running this company for a year._

"...first on the bandwagon to suggest you step down from your companies when Edge tried to frame you..."

> _I think you should step down from CatCo, so whatever we report, good or bad, comes off as truthful._
> 
> _I'm not saying that she did this, I'm just saying that maybe this happened because of what she did._

"and—whiplash—the next thing I know you’re dating!”

“So why encourage me at your Christmas party if you felt he was so unsuitable for me? Why not tell me your reservations when I specifically went to you after the first kiss?”

“Okay, first off, I wasn’t encouraging you at my party. I was fishing for information because Sam had mentioned she was seeing some chemistry that clearly, I had missed. And the day you went to my apartment—”

“It wasn’t you I saw,” Lena guesses, the light dawning in her eyes.

“I was in a coma after Reign kicked my ass.”

“I told him how strongly I felt about being open with you before things went any further,” Lena muses.

“Lena, it took me a long time to work through my feelings about James. Not _for_ him, but _about_ him. Superman thrust him into my life by telling him my identity, a fact neither one shared with me until after I came out as Supergirl. My cousin abandoned me with the Danvers and never looked back and then suddenly there was James, Superman’s best friend. I wanted the connection, I guess.

The night of our first date, the Venture fell out of the sky. You and I met the next day and…you were a catalyst for change in my life. You saw _me_ Lena. _Kara_, me. I know you think I knew so much about you before we met, but really all I knew was you were Lex’s sister. Then you told us your story and it resonated. I could relate and I believed you, from that very first meeting. Then you called me a reporter, so casually, like it was obvious. It gave me the push I needed.

I finally started taking notice of the red flags I’d been ignoring when it came to James. He covets, Lena. But he doesn’t know the first thing about being a supportive friend, much less partner, to a strong woman. He can’t put a lid on his self-righteous arrogance to save his life—or a relationship,” she trails off.

Lena scowls. She knows Kara’s not wrong—after all, it’s exactly why she’s not with James anymore, but her hackles rise reflexively.

“James isn’t the only one who suffers from an overabundance of self-righteousness, _Supergirl_,” Lena points out.

Kara raises her hands placatingly. “I know Lena and I’m not trying to make him out to be a villain. But you asked me my opinion. So, I’m telling you. He’s not good enough for you. 

Even after he ‘got to know you,’ every time it counted, he failed to back you up. When the guardian fiasco blew up in his face, he refused your help."

> _ I appreciate the fact that you're trying to help me, I do, but I don't need it. I'm gonna be fine._

"When you warned him about the children of liberty, what did he do? Dismiss your concerns as both his boss and his girlfriend."

> _So it doesn't matter what I think. _
> 
> _Not about this. This is work. _
> 
> _Oh. 'This is work.' Well, then your boss has booked a major television appearance for you. So figure it out._

"When you decided to work with the DEO, he walked away from you."

> _But to be straightforward, I am never going to agree with you sharing your research with the government and I think that could destroy us. _

"Never mind he'd been working with the DEO for years. He wants a strong woman to stand by his side so long as she’s not stronger than him or even his equal. 

I’ve lost a lot of people in my life Lena and it’s made me reluctant to end relationships, even when I should. But my time with James in my life is at an end.”

Lena studies Kara intently. “Why? Because he wouldn’t betray me and search my vault? Because he chose me over you, _Supergirl_?”

Kara’s not sure how much longer she can take Lena saying her name like it’s something vile. It cuts deeper every time, but she swallows the pain. 

“No. Although, it’s interesting—the circumstances under which he finally decides to support you. I mean, I’m not sure I believe him when he says he never searched your vault, but why not just tell me no when I asked? Why choose to tell you about it after the fact and yet still not tell you my identity, if not to drive a wedge between us? At best it was self-serving. Incidentally, he never told _me_ he never searched the vault.”

“You’re seriously trying to blame James for your betrayal?” Lena fumes icily.

“Absolutely not. I take full responsibility for my actions. I made a mistake out of fear. I handled the entire kryptonite incident poorly. But I don’t think you understand I was never afraid of _you_. I never thought _you’d_ use it against me or for any nefarious purpose. It’s existence at all terrifies me. 

But just like many other times since we’ve known each other, you made me see things from your perspective. You challenged my entire thought process when you reminded me everyone on this planet lives with knowing there are substances, weapons, everyday things even, that can kill them.

I will never be comfortable with the existence of kryptonite, but just like policemen wear bullet proof vests and firemen wear flame-retardant suits, I’ll use a kryptonite shield. You were right in exploring the properties of the kryptonite and the harun-el and I was wrong for thinking my personal safety should trump the potential benefits to humankind. 

I value your opinion and your feelings Lena. I listen to you. I choose you, always, to help guide me, even when we disagree. I need you to help me keep growing as a person and a hero. I am so much better with you at my side. Please give me the benefi of the doubt. I don’t know what dangers we’ll face in the future, but I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.”

Lena knows Kara’s given her the benefit of the doubt countless times. With Medusa when they barely knew each other and many times since, including when Lena confessed she'd tried to kill Edge and that she'd been helping Lex. But would they even be having this conversation if Lena hadn’t learned the truth? Would Kara have ever chosen to tell her?

“Kara, I know I’ve made mistakes too and, if I’m honest, I’d already forgiven Supergirl. But, you, Kara Danvers, were supposed to be my best friend. At the risk of being redundant, it's easy to admit your mistakes when you've been exposed. Would we even be here now if I hadn’t learned your secret? Would you ever have told me? Now that I think about it, how’d you even know I knew?”

“I saw you—at your desk, with the shattered photograph of you, me, and Alex and I just knew. I could see it in your eyes,” Kara confesses. "And yes, I'd already told James and Alex I was going to tell you. I intended to tell you at game night, but Alex said we should give you at least one night of normal," she shrugs.

“How’d you figure it out?” Kara asks for the first time.

“Lex told me,” Lena huffs. “After I shot him, he lunged for a remote and started playing video clips of Kara Danvers using Supergirl’s powers—when Mercy attacked L-Corp and when we flew to Kaznia. He’d obviously been biding his time waiting for the right moment to shatter my world. Even as he bled out it was more important to hurt me than plead for his life,” Lena huffs wryly.

“With his dying breath he told me the joke was on me. Every single person I care about mocked, humiliated, and betrayed me.”

Lost in her thoughts, Lena finally feels the events of the last few weeks overwhelm her. The magnitude of her loss. She feels razed and empty. 

> _Loss does strange things to my family, and I've lost a lot of people. _
> 
> _Well, you're not going to lose me. _
> 
> _I think when I feel things again, I'm going to be very, very afraid...of the person I might be. _
> 
> _You don't have to be afraid. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. _
> 
> _Promise? _
> 
> _I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you. I promise._

“When Jack died, I thought I wouldn’t survive his loss. But I had you. You pulled me back from the abyss. When Eve betrayed me, I still had you as an example of someone true and loyal in my life.”

Lena focuses on Kara and in her eyes, Kara sees such breathtaking sorrow and hopelessness. Kara reaches for her, but Lena stands abruptly and walks away. 

But Kara still hears her strangled whisper. “Who will save me now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the driving premise of this story is that there is an information imbalance in Lena & Kara's friendship. There are resentments that have piled up because Kara couldn't, for example, tell Lena "I didn't come see you after Medusa because I was on another Earth helping to save it from a race of hostile aliens." So to help Lena understand, Kara will need to level the playing field so to speak. Please let me know of any specific instances you think Kara and Lena should talk about.


	3. Burning Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m surrounded by people who have a certain mindset—I don’t know, let’s call it superhero bias. On any given day they all believe good and evil are easily recognized and defined as dark and light. But you’re like a battle cry that darkness is essential to recognize starlight."

Kara’s first impulse is to chase after Lena, but she resists. She knows Lena’s never comfortable with showing too much emotion, so she decides to give her friend time to recover her equilibrium, no matter how much she wants to take Lena in her arms and reassure her everything will be okay. That she won’t ever abandon her.

But it does bring her to a decision.

* * *

Lena’s been working in her new lab for a few hours, mostly reading everything Gideon compiled on Martian telepathic powers, focusing on how they impact neurocognitive functions in different species. She has an inkling her recent work with the harun-el may illuminate the pathway for her new endeavor.

Science has always been the one constant in Lena’s life. When she’s flooded with emotions she can’t process, she immerses herself in work and things start to make sense again. Regardless of what she decides about Kara, she’d be a fool not to take advantage of the opportunity afforded by the singular resource of Gideon and the luxury of time—the true gift of this impromptu journey.

She’s impressed Kara hasn’t reappeared wanting to continue their conversation—but not surprised. As much as Lena hates to admit it, her reporter friend certainly got into her head over the years…and under her skin. Lena’s not sure which is more disquieting.

A few minutes later she hears the tell-tale click of the door locks disengaging and looks up expecting to see Kara. 

Luckily, Lena long ago learned to expect the unexpected and to suppress any outward reaction. Her internal ones are another matter. Surprisingly enough, relief wars with suspicion.

“Mother,” she says without inflection, “what an interesting development.”

Lillian glances around the lab with her usual derisive smirk. “Well after our last reunion ended so abruptly, I thought I’d better take any opportunity presented to see you again. Although I admit, I never envisioned interplanetary travel being necessary.”

“Interdimensional actually,” Lena corrects with an eye-roll, not sure what to make of Lillian’s presence or Kara’s intentions in bringing her here.

“You missed your brother’s memorial service,” Lillian states without preamble.

Lena hasn’t seen Lillian since their abrupt departure from the White House and presumed her mother used the confusion of ensuing events to resume her life as a fugitive. Evidently incarcerating Lillian was low on the government’s priority list behind rebuilding the government.

“Sorry if a gathering of sycophants and psychopaths to honor my megalomaniacally homicidal brother didn’t make it onto my social calendar mother. I’ve been occupied, yet again helping the country recover from another calamitous Luthor plot. I’m surprised you even held one considering the dearly departed’s recent foray into attempted matricide.”

“I’m not saying I’m sorry he’s gone, Lena, but he was still my son…and your brother.”

“A fact I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying to forget,” Lena rebuts dryly.

“Why are you really here?” Lena finally asks.

“We’re the last ones standing, Lena. All that’s left of the Luthor family.”

“And all it took to earn your acceptance was everyone else dying. How…unsurprising,” Lena responds with a quirk of her lips, but her traitorous mind suffuses her with another memory. _’Of course, I love you.’_

Could it really be that after all this time she finally has the love and acceptance of the only mother she’s ever really known? Not likely, her brain tells her. Maybe, a hopeful and weary heart responds. But let me tear it all down, her very nature supplies.

“Now that I’ve been legally pardoned, we can start over Lena. The way it should’ve been all along.”

“What do you mean pardoned?” Lena asks, the shock enough to disturb even her stoic demeanor.

“I thought your ‘bestie’ would’ve told you,” Lillian responds with a sly grin. “Although our Ms. Danvers’ not much for sharing, is she?” Lena ignores the pointed allusion for now.

“The president pardoned you?” Lena asks again, still incredulous.

“Well, a conditional pardon. I get caught so much as jay walking and I hear there’s a black site with my name on it,” Lillian sighs.

“Well before you plan our next family vacation there’s something you should know,” Lena informs her, steeling her resolve. “Lex didn’t die in the fight with Supergirl. I killed him,” she concludes flatly.

Lillian stills for a moment, but quickly recovers. “It was either him or us, dear. I’m surprised you mustered the will to do it, but I’ve always said you were ever the pragmatist.”

“So that’s it? After all the years you spent ennobling Lex, habitually at my expense, you dismiss his death at my hands so nonchalantly? Forgive me if I don’t buy your act, mother, but I’m not as big a fool as you and Lex always presume I am.”

“What do you want me to say Lena? Yes, I loved your brother and I had vast expectations his genius would catapult the Luthor legacy into greatness. But instead he became obsessed with the Kryptonians and allowed his ego to burn our family to ash. But you are the phoenix that will rise from the ruins of his hubris. 

Obviously, you had the right idea all along. Working _with_ Supergirl has given you access to alien technology Lex could only fantasize about,” Lillian gushes in an atypical display.

“You make it sound like some master plan, mother. I worked with Supergirl because it was the right thing to do and, quite frankly, necessary if I had any hope of restoring the Luthor name to some semblance of respectability.”

“That may be dear, but her devotion to you is really quite extraordinary. How ever did you manage it?”

“I’m not sure what you mean, mother. I have no doubt Supergirl sees the strategic advantage of partnering with L-Corp. The results speak for themselves.”

“Oh, Lena, open your eyes. It’s you she believes in—remarkable really, given everything our family’s done to hers.”

“So how long did you know Kara Danvers is Supergirl and why didn’t you tell me?” Lena dovetails.

“Long before we rescued you from the Daxamites. Even back then, you were her Achilles heel. I didn’t tell you because I knew two things. Inevitably, you’d figure it out, and just as inevitably, you’d hate her for lying to you. Nothing else your brother or I tried seemed to dissuade you from an alliance with her and her _friends_. She can’t say I didn’t warn her.”

“What do you mean?” Lena asks, puzzled.

“I told her then you’d hate her for lying to you and I was right, wasn’t I?” Lillian asks smugly.

Lena rolls her eyes and strides towards the doors. “Lovely as this has been mother, you’ve worn out your welcome in record time. It’s time for you to go.”

* * *

“What possessed you to bring my mother here Kara?!” Lena demands the instant Kara’s back from depositing Lillian back on their earth.

Kara shrugs with a small sigh. “I know, better than most, family is complicated. I thought it might help you feel less alone to see her. She does love you Lena. In her own twisted, semi-psychopathic, way.”

“You have no idea Kara…that woman cannot be trusted.”

“I’m not suggesting you trust her Lena and, _believe me_, I have some very up close and personal ideas. But I know you love her. Despite everything she’s done, she’s still your mother. 

You don’t have a monopoly on dysfunctional family. My mother and father knew Krypton was dying and hid the truth. When my aunt tried to expose it, she used me to capture her and imprisoned her on Fort Rozz. My father created the Medusa virus. Superman abandoned me and Alex lied to me for years about working for the DEO. She also killed my aunt, then lied and let me believe for months J’onn had done it.

But they’re my family and I love them. 

My aunt tried to kill me more than once. Towards the end though, we managed to work together and I _know_ I was getting through to her. But I ran out of time and then she was gone.”

“You don’t understand,” Lena insists.

“Maybe not exactly Lena, but I know that as long as you and Lillian live, there’s hope. You shouldn’t give up on family.”

“Kara, I murdered Lex. Lillian and I are family by law, but not by blood. He was her _son_. I was just a constant reminder of her beloved husband’s infidelity.”

“Alex and I don’t share blood, Lena, but I challenge anyone to tell us we’re not sisters. 

Lex placed you in an untenable position. His Machiavellian schemes not only threatened everyone you love repeatedly, but he was a hairsbreadth away from genocide, Lena.”

“You would never resort to murder,” Lena asserts defiantly.

“Lena, I killed my uncle in a brutally horrific way. I threw Fort Rozz into space without even trying to free the Kryptonians still in stasis. I helped the DEO imprison countless aliens, without worrying about any kind of due process. 

I know I am good, but I am far from perfect and I am no one to stand in judgment of you. I get lost and afraid and I forget what I stand for sometimes. So, I keep trying—to _be_ better, to love more fully, to never stop growing and _you_, help me in so many ways to be the best version of myself.”

Lena’s disbelief shouts from her raised eyebrow and Kara shakes her head with a huff.

“I’m surrounded by people who have a certain mindset—I don’t know, let’s call it superhero bias. On any given day they all believe good and evil are easily recognized and defined as dark and light. But you’re like a battle cry that darkness is essential to recognize starlight.

You, Lena, have taught me often the only difference between good and evil is _intent_. You’re wrong you know—I do not have an inherent distrust of your intentions. Quite the opposite, in fact. I may disagree with you and the unintended consequences of your actions may sometimes be unfortunate, but I never doubt your intentions and you do have this disconcerting habit of usually being right,” Kara finishes with a grin.

Lena smiles despite her determination to not let Kara back inside her heart. 

“Is charm an advanced course in superhero school?”

“Masters level,” Kara replies with a wink. “But seriously, Lena, I’m sorry if bringing Lillian here upset you.”

Lena sobers instantly at the mention of her mother, but shrugs. “I couldn’t avoid her forever. Heaven knows I’ve tried. Just—_no more_ surprise guests.”

“Scout’s honor,” Kara replies with a two-finger salute.

“I’m reasonably certain you were never a scout,” Lena comments matter-of-factly, but as they head inside, she can’t deny she feels—lighter—than she has in months.

* * *

“I don’t know about you, but I could use a workout. I’m feeling a little stir-crazy,” Kara remarks when she finds Lena in the lab later that afternoon—then does a double-take as she spots Gideon who’s now wearing a hooded leather patchwork top with a long Gothic coat and leather pants and boots.

“I see you went shopping,” she jokes with a head tilt towards the hologram.

Lena smiles and takes off her reading glasses. “I could use a break.”

The loft turns out to be a pretty bare-bones work-out space with a couple of bikes, treadmills, and a free-weight area with a punching bag. Most of the space is devoted to a large sparring ring. A wall-to-wall built-in cabinet houses an extensive collection of bows, mostly recursive, as well as an extensive collection of arrows.

“Well someone’s into archery,” Lena remarks inquisitively.

“Oliver’s also a superhero called the Green Arrow. It’s kind of his thing. He’s actually the most lethal fighter I know. But don’t tell Alex I said so.”

Lena shrugs as she mounts one of the bikes. She’s well aware of Alex’s competitive nature.

Kara gets into position in front of the punching bag and takes a few loose swings. From the sound of the first swat Lena realizes the bag must be made of some type of alien composite able to withstand Kryptonian strength. 

“How’s the research going?” Kara asks as she focuses on the bag.

“Not surprisingly, there’s very little documentation available on how Martian telepathic powers work. Also, not surprisingly, most of it was gathered by Hank Henshaw when he was hunting J’onn. I found the data on old Luthor Corp servers Lillian used when she was running Cadmus.

In short, telepathic powers emit psionic energy. J’onn’s neural pathways are able to focus and redirect the energy into kinetic form. But thus far, I have no clue how to effectively shield a human mind from said energy. Gideon found reference to an ancient relic named the Staff of Kolar, supposedly a psychic weapon.”

Kara stills and her back stiffens. Lena slows her pedaling.

“You’ve heard of it?”

“I’ve wielded it,” Kara says grimly as she turns to face Lena.

“About two years ago, I went to Mars with J’onn. It’s a long story, but the staff is real. We brought it back and eventually it was buried with J’onn’s father, but Manchester Black found it. It’s what he used to attack the dam. J’onn recovered it when he defeated Manchester, but I have no idea where it is now and it’s not like we can ask J’onn for it. It’s an incredibly destructive weapon, Lena.”

“Is this where you tell me I shouldn’t look for it? That someone else could get hold of it and use it for evil?”

Lena prepares for Supergirl’s self-righteous answer, but instead Kara gives her a small, but knowing, smile.

“No Ms. Luthor. This is where I ask how you expect to locate it without J’onn’s help.”

Lena answers nonchalantly, but Kara knows she’s surprised her cynical friend.

“Psionic energy has a unique signature, like different types of radiation. I’ll program an algorithm and Gideon can scan for it. With that powerful a weapon, the signal will be much stronger than that emitted by any individual telepath. I’ll do it after dinner.”

* * *

Kara’s writing a follow-up article to the expose on Lex while Lena works on her algorithm. Kara’s accustomed to writing in the frenetic environment of the bullpen, so she’s surprised to find she doesn’t miss it. But it’s comforting to know Lena’s nearby and, although their issues are nowhere near being resolved, she’s incredibly grateful Lena’s giving them this chance to heal.

She looks up at the sound of familiar footsteps and smiles. Lena stands in the doorway with a self-satisfied grin.

“Madagascar.”

Kara hits save on her document and looks up. It occurs to Lena Kara hasn’t been wearing her glasses. “You don’t actually need glasses, do you?”

“Yes and no. Not to see, obviously, but they’re lead lined and help to keep my super senses in check, especially when I’m tired. There are some things I just don’t need to see,” she feigns a shudder.

“Anyway, if it’s okay with you, I’ll call the team and have them meet us here tomorrow morning to go over the plan for retrieving the staff.”

“The team,” Lena asks.

“Oh, yeah, Team Arrow. Oliver pretends to hate it, but it’s this earth’s equivalent to the super friends. Come to think of it, Oliver may not be pretending.” Kara muses. She herself always hated Winn’s nickname for her team.

“Do you anticipate a problem?”

“No. But I don’t want to risk anyone finding out what we’re up to, so I called Barry earlier and the team’s agreed to retrieve it for us.”

“Alex doesn’t know where you are?”

“Well, technically, no one will realize we’re gone at all.”

“Why is that?” Lena asks, genuinely surprised Kara kept her plans secret from her sister.

Kara takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “I know that Alex, especially, has come to see you as a friend and ally over the last year. But for a long time, she, along with James, J’onn, and Winn, held some very strong—opinions—let’s say, about the fallout should you learn I’m Supergirl. 

But with you ghosting us over the last few weeks and then the sudden rumor CatCo was being sold again, it made everyone a little nervous,” Kara explains apologetically.

“This—you—are too important to me to risk anyone overreacting or misinterpreting your intentions. At least not until I know you’re as safe as realistically feasible given the world we live in.” Kara’s eyes and tone plead for Lena’s understanding.

“I know I don’t have to explain to you the tightrope Alex is constantly walking between her loyalties to me and her duty as director of the DEO.”

Unfortunately, Lena does understand and it reminds her uncomfortably that although Kara’s promised transparency and truth, Lena never agreed to reciprocate. If she wants things to work with Kara, even if she’s not looking to be brought back into the fold, so to speak, a certain amount of honesty will be required however.

Though maybe this first step will serve as a barometer of the strength of Kara’s loyalty. Lena’s always been a risk taker and she can admit, if only to herself, Kara’s earned her chance to prove to Lena they’re on the same side as she’s claimed.

“They’re not groundless,” Lena clarifies. “I let it be known in certain business circles that I was looking to unload CatCo from my portfolio.”

Kara swallows hard and nods her head slowly. “Were you going to tell me? Before you sold it, I mean?”

Lena stares at her unblinkingly.

“No.”

Kara looks down and fidgets with her hands, before looking back up with a sigh. “That hurts. But I guess that’s the point.”

“To be brutally frank,” Lena replies, “yes. I was going to claim the sale was due to a new venture and how the CatCo purchase left me strapped for cash, which is not untrue. But my goal was to give you a taste of the pain I’ve been feeling since I learned of your betrayal.

Countless times Kara—countless tales of betrayal, I told you. I practically begged you not to ever join their ranks, even if I never used the words.” Lena’s eyes water, but the tears don’t fall. She’s cried too many already over people who’d never feel the same. But she can’t quite keep from being swept away by the emotional tsunami that breaks over her. 

“Do you remember when I got to the hospital after James was shot?”

Kara remembers clearly. Starting to turn at the sound of a familiar heartbeat approaching. Suddenly Lena in her arms, pulling her close, clutching her desperately until Nia and Brainy approached and even then, running her eyes up and down Kara’s body as if to reassure herself she truly was uninjured. Her quivering voice—

> _‘Oh, Kara, thank god you're okay. I heard what happened at CatCo, and I wasn't sure.’_

“Eve told me it was James that was shot. But the entire drive to the hospital, all I could think about was what if you’d been hurt? I’d never recover. Of course, I loved James, but losing him wouldn’t break me Kara. Because I’d still have you. I could make it through anything else, as long as I still had you.

When I finally figured out Lex was behind the shooting, I knew I’d have to stop him once and for all. Because I could stand for it all—the lies, the manipulations…what’s a little attempted murder between siblings after all? We _are_ Luthors. But I could never stand idly by and risk him hurting you.

Do you have any idea how absolutely humiliated I felt in the moments just after I pulled the trigger? I put two bullets in his chest without hesitation because he’d had the temerity to go after James at CatCo, where _you_ could’ve been caught in the crossfire. 

If Lex had known how deliciously ironic, he’d have laughed even harder before he died. I murdered him because he came too close to endangering _you_. Not because he shot my lover or yet again attempted mass-scale genocide. I killed my brother for _you_, Kara.”

Kara lowers her head in shame and doesn’t even try to stop her own tears. She’d done this—shattered the heart of one of the two people she loved most in the world. Worst of all she’d done it with lies. Not because it was necessary or for some heroic purpose, but because she was a coward. Because she selfishly wanted the reward of having Lena in her life without paying the price.

By the time she looks up again, Lena’s gone. 


	4. Say You Love Me To My Face (I need it more than your embrace)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever."  
—Rabindranath Tagore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I decided to continue the story, I extensively rewrote this chapter, which is why it's being re-posted as opposed to just edited. So you'll recognize the beginning scene.

Kara hasn’t seen Lena since she walked out abruptly yesterday, but her super senses confirm she’s in the lab. Kara toyed with taking her coffee this morning, but decided to take a hint from Lena’s absence at breakfast. However, she’s determined not to use giving Lena space as an excuse for more cowardice.

When she hears Barry and Oliver bickering as they approach the cabin, she knows she’s out of time. She takes a deep breath and opens the door to her colleagues with a smile.

“Hi guys.”

“Run, Barry, Run,” Oliver yells as he gives chase.

Kara shakes her head and waits for Felicity to reach the door. “Do I want to know?”

“No,” Felicity responds. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t given that option,” she quips wryly.

“Guys, meet us in the lab,” Kara yells out as she leads Felicity through the cabin and out the back door.

Barry and Oliver join them just as Kara and Felicity approach the lab and they enter together. As Kara expected, Lena’s at one of the computer terminals and there’s a diagram Kara recognizes as Lillian’s exosuit on the screen.

Lena looks up at them and stands to greet them with a polite smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hello.”

“Hey Lena, this is Barry, Oliver, and Felicity…guys, this is Lena.”

“So, what’s the plan,” Oliver inquires, seamlessly taking the lead, after a brief nod hello.

Lena pulls up a map on the computer with blinking coordinates. “Gideon and I have narrowed the location of the artifact to Isalo National Park in the Ihorombe Region of Madagascar. Due to extensive wind and water erosion the area’s littered with rocky outcrops, plateaus, and up to 200-meter-deep canyons. This tracker measures psionic energy and will help you locate the staff,” Lena explains as she hands Felicity the tracker and pulls up a picture of the Staff of Kolar. “I strongly suspect its located underground or inside a cave in one of the canyons.”

“Got it,” Barry says. “Luckily inspector gadget here brought a few of his toys,” he jokes as he points at Oliver.

Felicity rolls her eyes and Lena’s clearly not amused by their antics.

“Remember our earth recently experienced a terraforming event and the rock in the area you’ll be searching remains unstable. Try not to set off anymore earthquakes,” Lena cautions soberly.

Barry pulls Kara aside as Felicity discusses calibration of the tracker with Lena.

“So, your friend’s _intense_,” Barry comments gently.

“Yeah,” Kara sighs. “It’s been a very rough few months.”

“I’m not sure exactly why you’re here Kara, but if you need to talk,” Barry trails off.

Kara squeezes his hand gently. “Thanks, but this is something Lena and I need to work through on our own.”

Before she can say anything else, Lena and Felicity finish their conversation and the team leaves with brief goodbyes.

“So,” Kara mumbles, “I guess now we wait.”

Lena’s stare burns through her, like she’s challenging Kara to say anything meaningful, and whatever hollow platitude was about to escape Kara’s mouth thankfully dies before it reaches her lips.

As it turns out the wait’s not long and Lena immediately locks herself in the lab, curtly dismissing Kara as she immerses herself in studying the staff.

* * *

It’s two days before Kara sees Lena again. She hears the back door open and finds Lena in the kitchen making herself a snack.

“Hey,” Kara whispers.

Lena pauses and looks at Kara with exhausted eyes. But Kara detects a vague sort of triumph too, although the now familiar sorrow still lingers in Lena’s malachite eyes.

“Hey,” she replies simply and resumes building her sandwich.

“Any progress?”

Lena’s hands keep working, but she glances at Kara as if wondering how much to say.

“Yes. I’ve figured out how the staff works. It telepathically links the wielder to the psionic energy of the stone, imbuing the bearer with all Martian powers. The stone consists of quarks and other subatomic particles not found on earth, so replicating them would be next to impossible. But I have an idea that may work. Give me a couple of hours, then come by the lab. I’ll show you,” she tosses out offhandedly as she grabs her sandwich and heads out the back door.

Kara stares after her, a familiar crease appearing between her brows. Something about Lena’s attitude seems _off_, somehow. Almost resigned. But Kara’s determined to see this through, no matter how it ends.

* * *

When Kara enters the lab, Lena’s standing by one of the computer terminals, staring at the staff in her hand. The screen displays an image of a direct neural interface, the likes of which Kara’s never seen. Kara’s eyes widen as she studies the intricate design.

Lena watches the Kryptonian’s gradual understanding manifest on her face. “I’d explain it to you, but I doubt it’s really necessary since I’m sure your grasp of quantum energy exceeds my own. Isn’t that right _Supergirl_?” Lena asks acerbically.

Kara’s a bit taken aback by Lena’s hostility. “Yes, Lena, I understand the principles involved, certainly more than I’ve let on before you knew who I was, but I’m not a scientist,” Kara says almost reverently. “I couldn’t even begin to conceptualize the mathematical equations necessary to manipulate the quantum mechanics involved in your device.”

“Well, regardless,” Lena says dismissively, “at the moment I’m much more interested in what the staff can tell me about you.”

Kara tears her gaze away from the computer display and focuses on Lena with narrowed eyes. “About me? Just ask me Lena, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“After all the lies you’ve told?” Lena scoffs. “Better than anyone I know you’re a consummate actress. But the staff—it will not only show me the truth, but let me feel what you felt, what you thought, every time you lied to me,” Lena bites out, her shaking voice betraying the illusion of control.

Kara knows she could take the staff out of Lena’s hand before Lena could aim it, but she stands still, arms at her side. She looks at Lena with eyes wide open, trying to convey all her remorse and all her love. “Okay, Lena,” she breathes. “I trust you.”

Lena looks almost startled for a second, but then her flashing eyes turn resolute and she thrusts the staff towards Kara, triggering the swirling purple rays of psionic energy. The powerful blast strikes Kara chest-on and bows her with its strength.

Lena focuses her thoughts as she begins to scavenge through Kara’s memories and they’re enveloped in a maelstrom of heated air. 

She cycles through the crucial moments in her relationship with the blonde searching for confirmation of her darkest suspicions, that Kara’d seen her as a villain all along, that all her assurances were lies designed to manipulate, that she’d relished in making a fool of Lena.

Almost immediately she’s flooded with an unfamiliar sense of euphoria and her heart races as she struggles to control her accelerated breathing. It takes her a moment to realize she’s experiencing Kara’s feelings—Kara’s feelings for _her_. 

It’s overwhelming and Lena almost drops the staff as she staggers into the nearby terminal, but she clutches it with both hands and manages to hold on. 

Sounds are muffled, but she hears Kara speaking. 

> _Lena's not a member of Cadmus! She's not! She stopped the gang with alien weapons. She saved Alex's life when Corben tried to kill her._

She relives Kara’s unbridled faith—moments spent fighting her friends and family over Lena’s inherent goodness—

Images coalesce, the DEO, J’onn, Winn, Kara’s mother—

> _No, no! I looked into Lena's eyes. She doesn't know anything about Cadmus and her mother. I know it!_

Arguing with J’onn and Winn, again—

> _Then find something to prove her innocent. _
> 
> _Everything we've seen so far says the exact opposite. _
> 
> _Well, she's my friend. And I believe in her._

—allowing Lena to turn the key to the rocket carrying Medusa.

An unnatural quiet replaces the previous cacophony and Lena feels an unyielding determination backed by a Kryptonian willpower—and abruptly Lena knows it’s what Kara feels when Lena’s in danger. An utter refusal to stop until Lena’s safe.

> _Kara, you have to turn back. When the Kryptonite explodes, it's going to send out a radioactive cloud of Kryptonite gas. If you are anywhere near it, it'll kill you. _
> 
> _Then I'll make sure I'm not there when it goes off._

The air shifts and Lena’s back on the cargo plane when Edge kidnapped her and the sound of the rotors blots out everything and Lena feels the vibrations of the shuddering plane.

> _No, I'm not going to drop you! – _
> 
> _Let me go. – _
> 
> _No!_

Lena shuts her eyes tight against the onslaught of her own memories and everything quiets and her shoulders and body loosen slightly as the tension ebbs and a sense of peace overcomes her. Acceptance. Undeniable and unwavering. 

> _Kara Danvers believes in you._
> 
> _Well, now you have someone that will stand up for you. Always._
> 
> _I always have your back._
> 
> _The Luthor name doesn't deserve Lena._

Lena undergoes a startling realization. Kara _knows_ her—better than anyone—and still accepts her without ifs, buts, or maybes.

> _I know Lena can be forceful, but she protects the ones she loves. _
> 
> _She's not always right. _
> 
> _She's right most of the time._

Time seems to speed up and Lena sees brief images, sense impressions almost. Kara’s infinite empathy—after Jack’s death, the Daxamite invasion, and most poignantly, with Lena’s inability to turn her back on Lex.

A feeling of warmth gradually suffuses Lena—like feeling sunlight through a window. The heat swells and even without looking she sees the sun. Her pulse races and her stomach flutters and Lena knows these are Kara’s feelings. She hears Kara’s laughter like summer rain and the sun brightens.

Then as if the sound lifted a veil she sees more clearly—Kara’s absolute love—not the selfless one that’s a given in the hero, but the almost spiritual fire Kara feels for Lena. The one that’s driven the reporter to see the truth of Lena, breaking every barrier, jumping every hurdle, penetrating every wall, and arriving at Lena’s core full of hope. Even still.

As the sound of Kara’s laughter fades, a thick silence replaces it, like an inky night devoid of moonlight or stars, chilling Lena’s skin. It’s Kara’s pain, vast and endless. It’s crushing and Lena recoils, breaking the connection.

Kara falls to her knees weeping and Lena drops the staff, staggering in her rush to gather Kara in her arms. As moments turn into minutes, Lena tries to wrap her mind around everything she’d seen, everything she’d felt, as Kara clings to her, eventually calming.

Lens grips Kara’s forearms in firm but gentle hands, breaking the embrace, as they face each other.

“When you came to my apartment, I asked you why—why go through all this trouble,” Lena reminds her almost desperately. “I’m asking you again Kara. Why? I need you to say it to my face,” she practically begs.

Kara smiles sadly, as tears track down her face, and her voice cracks. “Because. I’m in love with you Lena Luthor.”

Lena’s world slows to a crawl. “I love you as one loves certain dark things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul,” she breathes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I love you as one loves certain dark things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul.”  
—Pablo Neruda


	5. The Truth (the whole truth & nothing but the truth)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never thought you were a villain, Lena. Not once. Not ever,” Kara can’t help but interject.
> 
> “But you treated me like one Kara,” Lena replies resolutely. Although she’s speaking softly, there’s no equivocation.
> 
> “My rage at you burnt itself out, but you wounded me Kara. Deeply. I hurt so much,” she whispers with teary eyes. “I don’t know how to even begin to forgive you—but I want to Kara. I want to more than anything. Yet a part of me, the one born and bred a Luthor, wants to punish you just as much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short chapter, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging too long after the way things ended in chapter four. Expect another chapter by Wednesday.

Before Lena can even begin to process Kara’s words, the doors of the lab open and Lena sees Oliver and feels a brush against her side as Barry appears next to her with the staff in his hand. Kara struggles to her feet and instinctively shields Lena with her body.

“Guys, what are you doing here,” Kara manages to ask as she surreptitiously wipes the remaining moisture from her face.

“We detected unusual energy readings,” Oliver responds slowly as he studies Lena suspiciously.

Kara’s voice strengthens and Supergirl’s steely resolve imbues her next words. “Everything’s fine. We were exploring the staff’s properties,” she explains, unconsciously balling her fists at her waist in typical Supergirl pose despite not being in uniform.

Barry studies his friend’s face thoughtfully. “Is that safe?” He finally asks. “I mean, I did some research when you asked us to retrieve it and Kara, it’s a potent weapon.”

“It’s a tool,” Lena finally speaks. “A sacred Martian religious relic. It’s only as dangerous as the wielder’s intent,” she comments coolly. But her voice’s not completely steady and it’s apparent to Kara, if not the others, that she’s rattled.

“I’m sorry you guys rushed out here,” Kara interjects smoothly shifting the boys’ focus from Lena. “But we’re okay. I’ll call you before we run the next test so you’ll be aware.”

Oliver still looks at Lena suspiciously, but simply nods in acknowledgment, if not agreement. “Okay, yeah, sure,” Barry mumbles. “Let us know if you need anything,” he finally acquiesces as he follows Oliver out.

Kara waits until they’re gone and the door closes behind them before turning to look at Lena.

“So, did you find the answers you sought?” Kara asks quietly.

Lena sighs softly and for the first time in weeks, she looks at Kara with something other than resentment or the defensiveness she’d worn around Supergirl like a mantle.

“I thought I’d learned to expect the unexpected, but you—no matter how long I know you, you continue to astound me Kara.”

Kara’s entire body unwinds at Lena’s words and the warmth in her voice.

“Kara, I know we need to talk—really talk—but right now I’m exhausted. I need sleep and time to process,” she declares gently, as she threads her arm through Kara’s. “Come on, let’s get some rest.”

Kara nods resignedly. Part of her just wants to hash it all out now, until they reach some sort of resolution. But mostly, she feels a bone-deep weariness, and she knows Lena’s right.

They make their way back to the cabin in easy silence and Kara can’t stop the kernel of hope that starts to sprout. She doesn’t dare let herself think Lena may have feelings for her too—she buries the possibility down deep, but maybe—maybe she hadn’t lost her friend—maybe they could find their way back to each other after all. And for now, it’s enough to bring a small, but genuine smile to Kara’s face. Lena notices as they reach the door and she squeezes gently before releasing Kara’s arm and making her way to her room.

* * *

Kara wakes before sunrise to sounds of Lena in the kitchen. She glances at her phone and sees it’s barely 4am, but she feels rested and realizes she’d slept for over eight hours already. Impatience starts to sing through her blood and she decides she can’t wait another minute to see Lena. 

Nonetheless she forces herself to take a quick shower as her mind races with possibilities. Her stomach rolls and anticipation starts to cede way to the same type of sick dread she’d felt for years when she’d thought about telling her friend the truth, but she shoves it away with a forceful shake of her head. 

Lena knows everything now, Kara reminds herself ruefully. Lena knows more than she ever intended, but she supposes that’s fair. She’d let the secrets between them fester and grow until they’d hung over their every interaction like dark clouds before a monsoon. It’s not surprising the inevitable downpour washed away all shelter, leaving Kara nowhere to hide—exposed and vulnerable. 

But she has hope. Hope she and Lena can mend their connection and build a new relationship based on trust, and honesty, and open communication. She’ll invest the time and effort for as long as it takes. 

It abruptly occurs to her she’s procrastinating and she cuts off her inner monologue with a deep breath. She yanks on her shirt and with one quick look in the mirror, she heads for the kitchen.

* * *

Lena’s sitting at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a coffee mug, steam wafting in the air as she blows gently on the liquid. The only light in the room emanates from a small night light plugged into an outlet on the kitchen counter and the moonlight still streaming through the windows.

She looks up when Kara walks in, but doesn’t seemed surprised Kara’s up, even though she knows from experience the hero’s most certainly not a morning person.

“Hey,” she smiles—its small, but it’s genuine and it sets Kara’s heart racing. She reminds herself to breathe as she smiles in return.

“I heard the shower,” Lena offers as she pushes a second mug towards Kara. Kara inhales the bitter aroma deep into her lungs before taking a large gulp, heedless of the scalding liquid.

“Thanks,” Kara replies after taking a more modest sip.

“Are you hungry?” Lena asks after the silence lingers for a minute.

“Sort of, but my stomach’s kind of tied up in knots,” she mumbles as she blushes.

Lena smirks and it’s so reminiscent of their easy interactions, the knots loosen and Kara feels tentatively brave again.

Lena rises without explanation and holds out her hand. Kara stands quickly and splashes blistering coffee on her impervious skin in her rush to take it. Lena snorts a laugh, but it’s not unkind and Kara grins, not really embarrassed. Her occasional clumsiness’s no secret.

Lena leads her to the living room where they settle into increasingly familiar spots facing each other on the couch. Kara glances over to the fireplace and lights it with a short burst of heat vision, before turning her attention to her friend. It’s the first time Lena’s seen such a casual display from Kara, but she’s unphased. 

“Kara,” Lena starts hesitatingly. “There’s something I want you to know. Regardless of where the future takes us, I’m grateful you persisted in getting us to talk.”

Lena maintains eye contact, but the effort’s obvious. She glances down briefly at the mug she’s cradling in her hands like a security blanket, but then locks eyes with Kara again.

“In the last few weeks after I discovered your secret—or well, after Lex beat me over the head with it like a ballpeen hammer on an unsuspecting rivet—I’d been spiraling down a dark path. I’d plotted several revenge plays,” she laughs self-consciously. “Cool Latin code names and all,” she adds with an uncharacteristic fidget.

“Lena,” Kara starts to interrupt. But Lena holds out her hand with a stopping motion.

“No, Kara, let me finish. I know you’ll say I would’ve never gone through with any of them, but you’d be wrong Kara. For weeks I’ve been thinking of nothing but how to exact my revenge. Mostly on you, but on the others too. Hell, on all of mankind really.

I was so certain, so bone-deep convinced, Lex was right and you played me for a fool. My rage was all-consuming and, in retrospect, it was never going to end prettily. So, thank you for derailing my vengeance train before it pulled into the first station.

I mean don’t misunderstand, I was never going to kill anyone, but selling CatCo, particularly to my intended buyer, was just the first stop on a long, meandering track. I would’ve exposed Kara Danvers as Supergirl and ultimately, I intended to reprogram the human race, not unlike what your aunt intended with Myriad.”

Kara’s somewhat shell-shocked, the intricacy of Lena’s schemes downright scares her, but Lena’s right. In her heart Kara doesn’t believe Lena would’ve gone through with it and she hopes Lena’s current revelations mean they’ll never have to find out.

“I’m sorry Lena,” Kara starts and Lena believes it. It’s so plain to see in Kara’s guilt-ridden eyes and with the benefit of the knowledge imparted by the staff. But Lena waives her off again and continues her careful progression towards a point Kara can’t quite see yet, but senses on the horizon. 

“Allowing me to explore your memories,” Lena euphemistically refers to her emotional assault, “helped me to see you never meant to hurt me. I mean, intellectually, I think I always knew that, but it allowed me to _feel_ the depth of your belief in me.”

“I never thought you were a villain, Lena. Not once. Not ever,” Kara can’t help but interject.

“But you treated me like one Kara,” Lena replies resolutely. Although she’s speaking softly, there’s no equivocation.

“My rage at you burnt itself out, but you wounded me Kara. Deeply. I hurt so much,” she whispers with teary eyes. “I don’t know how to even begin to forgive you—but I _want to_ Kara. I want to more than anything. Yet a part of me, the one born and bred a Luthor, wants to punish you just as much.”

Kara starts to speak, but pauses and gazes at Lena thoughtfully. After a minute, she sets aside what she wanted to say and instead chooses what she thinks Lena needs to hear.

“What do you need from me?” She asks plainly.

“The truth. First and foremost, and always. No more lies. Not of omission, or oversight, or postponement. Between you and I there must be radical honesty. There can be no more secrets between us. I expect it’ll be painful at times, and arduous, and we’ll be tempted to take the easy way out. But Kara, one more lie will break me. Will break _us_—irrevocably and irretrievably.”

Kara nods once resolutely and takes a deep breath, before gracing Lena with a heartbreaking smile. “Okay. I vow from now on, no more untruths or half-truths. No more secrets of any kind. You’ll be in on everything.”

She extends her hand to Lena intending a heartfelt handshake, but Lena rolls her eyes and sets her long-cold coffee down, before reaching over and pulling Kara into a tight hug. It’s been a while and Kara can’t help inhaling Lena’s scent and letting it comfort her as she enjoys the familiar but too long absent feel of Lena in her arms.

There’s still so much left unsaid, but it’s a start and it’s more than Kara could’ve ever dreamed and so much more than she felt she deserved.


	6. Acceptance (is the currency of love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, what about Lillian. Wasn’t she a physician before she went all doctor Frankenstein on the world?” Kara glances at Lena as soon as the words leave her mouth, realizing she may have offended her friend, but Lena waives her off like she knows what she’s thinking.
> 
> “Hard pass,” Lena replies with a shudder. “I think I’d trust Lillian not to murder me while anesthetized, but that’s as far as I’d go. I shudder to think what she’d do if she had unfettered access to my brain.”

They’re in the kitchen making breakfast, both women needing a respite from the emotional wringer. Kara’s decided to forgo using the kitchen appliances as she heat-visions a few eggs for her planned breakfast sandwich while Lena stirs her oatmeal over the kitchen stove.

They each steal shy glances when they think the other’s not looking and it’s domestic in a way neither woman ever envisioned being. Even with Mon-El Kara never coexisted so easily in the same space doing the mundane.

“So, what’s your plan for today?” Kara asks as she tries to balance thick slices of tomato and cheese on top of her still sizzling eggs.

“Well, I’m almost done with the design for the neural interface and then I’ll need to build the prototype,” Lena answers distractedly as she runs through the next steps in her mind. “But you know, Kara, I’m going to need help from someone with an actual medical degree.”

Kara looks away from her construct to shoot Lena a curious look.

“I can’t perform brain surgery on myself. Even my genius has its limits,” Lena says with a wink.

Kara studies her sandwich like she’s preparing a battle strategy as she mulls over Lena’s words. “Well, what about Lillian. Wasn’t she a physician before she went all doctor Frankenstein on the world?” Kara glances at Lena as soon as the words leave her mouth, realizing she may have offended her friend, but Lena waives her off like she knows what she’s thinking.

“Hard pass,” Lena replies with a shudder. “I think I’d trust Lillian not to murder me while anesthetized, but that’s as far as I’d go. I shudder to think what she’d do if she had unfettered access to my brain. Besides, I’ve been thinking, and given the reason we’re here in the first place, maybe it’s better if no one on our earth knows about my…improved _abilities_…so to speak,” she finishes with a wave of her spoon. “Assuming I don’t end up lobotomized…”

It occurs to Kara she’d not given much thought to how Lena would feel about, in essence, becoming a metahuman. Even though she’d developed the harun-el, Lena never expressed an interest in powers as far as Kara knows.

“Lena, I just realized I steam-rolled you into this and maybe it’s not the solution. I’ve been so obsessively focused on keeping you safe, I didn’t give much thought to whether you’d even want powers,” Kara mutters, thoroughly chagrined.

“Kara, you must know by now I don’t think there’s anything inherently immoral with giving humans superpowers. I’ve never sought to enhance my own physical abilities because that’s not who I am. I’m a scientist. I’m perfectly content to leave the ass-kicking to others,” she says as she tastes her oatmeal and gives a small moan.

Kara’s momentarily distracted as she watches Lena lick her lips in culinary delight. She shakes her head and refocuses on the conversation.

“Well, this would enhance your mental powers, but it’s a risk. You’re working with alien elements and, honestly, the stone in the staff is imbued with not an insignificant amount of dark magic,” Kara muses.

“Kara, what exactly do you think I was doing with the harun-el? Science is rational yes, but it’s also in large part about instinctively understanding what information is unimportant and can thus be discarded—i.e. intuition. That’s where my genius lies. Lex may have thought I was unaware of my own brilliance, but my ego’s much healthier now than when I was four,” she says with a grimace. “I have a gift for intuitive leaps,” she claims a bit smugly and Kara laughs. She loves to see this side of Lena, confident and engaged.

“Albert Einstein,” Lena continues, “said ‘the intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.’ Trust me, I have _the_ _gift_,” Lena smirks, but then sobers.

“Seriously, though, you’re not wrong. It’s a risk, which is why I need a medical team we can trust and preferably one at least familiar with alien physiology.”

Kara immediately thinks of Alex, but just as soon discards the idea of bringing her sister in on their project. There’re simply too many conflicts of interests, especially in light of her relationship with J’onn.

“Actually, I may know just the right person,” Kara says.

“Who?” Lena asks curiously.

“Caitlin Snow. I met her through Barry. She’s a metahuman, but more importantly, she’s a trained neurosurgeon,” Kara finishes excitedly.

Lena just stares at her in awe. “Do you know any ordinary people?” Lena asks, only partly facetiously.

“Come on Lena, what’s normal? It’s all relative. Anyway, I’m sure she’d help. I’ll go visit Barry after breakfast and track her down.”

Lena nods and ponders the changes knowing Kara’s brought to her life. Little did she suspect when she left Metropolis all those years ago, just how much her life would change. She watches Kara wrestle with her slightly too large sandwich and marvels at the duality of Kara’s very essence.

One of the world’s most powerful beings and yet—yet also a woman so full of love and goodness—and Lena feels herself start to let go a little. Of the pain Kara caused. It triggers a consideration of the nature of betrayal in general and Kara’s specifically. Of how Kara’s lies hurt her, but how they were rooted in—dare she say it, much less believe it—love for Lena. 

Every other betrayal Lena ever suffered at the hands of friends and family and people who claimed to care about her was rooted in the other party’s selfishness or greed or hate deeper than any love they claimed to feel for Lena. Lena finally gives herself permission to accept the fact Kara believes in her, loves her with no other motive other than knowing Lena.

Yes, Kara’s deception was also selfish, but every time it counted, she stepped up. The more Lena thinks about it, the more she sees Kara’s heart was never really in it. She’ll never _really_ know, but for the first time she allows herself to believe Kara would’ve told her the truth.

Lena’s also starting to recognize her own hypocrisy. She’d kept more from James than she ever shared and straight-out lied to him, gone behind his back to the DA and even when confronted felt justified in her actions. 

_I love you, and there is no line in the universe I would not cross to keep you safe. _

So, if she accepted Kara honestly loved her, how could she withhold her forgiveness? James threw her love in her face and stomped on it for good measure, only condescending to climb off his white horse after he’d almost killed Supergirl. Didn’t Kara deserve more from Lena? Certainly, the love Kara’s demonstrated day in and day out for years exhibited more loyalty, more compassion, more devotion to Lena than James ever expressed for her on his best days.

As she looks at Kara’s bulging cheeks, she smirks and rolls her eyes, and feels her heart mend a little more.

* * *

Supergirl lands on the roof at S.T.A.R. labs and ensures she hasn’t been spotted before making her way to the front entrance. For the most part the facility’s now defunct, but Barry and his team use it as their unofficial headquarters and there’s usually someone around.

As she walks in Kara spots Cisco sitting at one of the consoles at the long table that serves as the center of their operations. Kara’s always impressed by the hi-tech lab that makes the DEO look like a child’s playground by comparison and she gawks a little while Cisco smirks.

“So, what brings the girl of steel to our neck of the woods,” he asks playfully.

“Hey Cisco, I’m looking for Caitlin actually,” Kara answers with a smile.

“_Of course, you are,_” Cisco mutters under his breath. If there’s a hot woman in sight, she’s never looking for him he curses internally. “She’s in the lab,” he says out loud.

A minute later Kara finds Caitlin hunched over a microscope.

“Hi Caitlin,” Kara waves as she walks closer.

“Kara, hi, I was wondering if you’d stop by. Barry said you were visiting,” she greets with a smile.

“Yeah, more of a work-trip,” Kara sort-of explains. “Actually, that’s why I’m here. I need your help.”

Caitlin leans against the lab table and gives Kara her full attention. “Sure, what’s up?”

“I’m here with a friend researching psionic energy,” Kara starts, deciding she’ll give Caitlin the broad strokes and if she agrees to help, she can meet with Lena. “She’s developing a direct neural interface and if all goes well, we’ll need a neurosurgeon,” Kara finishes with a shrug and a hopeful grin.

“Wow, Kara, that’s…”

“Too much,” Kara asks with a scrunched face.

“Intriguing, actually,” Caitlin corrects her. “Of course, I’ll help,” she agrees, definitely interested in the project.

“So, do you mind if I bring my friend by later so you two can talk?”

“That’ll work,” she agrees easily.

* * *

It’s early evening before Kara gets Lena to take a break and get ready to head to Central City. Although Kara’s rescued Lena plenty, it’ll be the first time Kara flies Lena anywhere without the adrenaline rush of danger and with no secrets left between them. 

“Ready?” Kara asks shyly and it’s a far cry from Supergirl’s normal assured demeanor.

Lena steps into Kara’s personal space with a smirk and wraps her arms around the hero’s neck. “Up, up, and away,” she orders playfully.

Kara shakes her head with a grin and scoops Lena into a bridal carry. Lena snuggles into the warmth of Kara’s body without shame and if she can hear the hero’s heartbeat pick up, she doesn’t mention it. It takes a few minutes and Lena decides to enjoy the journey for a change. 

The sun set a while ago and they’re up high enough where the lights from the cities below don’t interfere with the spark of stars, like sugar spilt over black marble. She breathes in deeply and tries to just be present in the moment—Kara’s arms secure around her, the gentle susurration of the evening air, the vast space.

It’s the most peaceful moment she can ever remember and she closes her eyes as she lays her head on Kara’s shoulder. She can feel Kara tilt her head to look down at her as she hugs her closer. She wonders idly if it’d really be so bad to let Kara closer. Of all the people Lena’s tried to share herself with, has anyone ever been worthier? More capable of understanding the darkness in Lena and the struggle to rise above it all and define herself? More genuine in their honest regard for Lena’s emotional well-being? 

Lena’s just beginning to understand there’s so much more to Kara Zor-El than the stock characterization of a do-gooder superhero. The staff gave her glimpses of Kara’s rage and pain. Kara’s not just paying lip service when she says everyone has a dark side.

She’s pulled from her thoughts by the subtle thud of Kara’s landing. 

* * *

Caitlin and Cisco are hovering over a monitor when Lena and Kara enter. Cisco glances up and then does a double take. “Okay, seriously, what do they put in the water of your earth?” he blurts out.

Lena quirks one side of her lip sexily and Kara rolls her eyes at him.

“Lena, this is Cisco and Caitlin. They work with Barry.”

“Hello,” Lena says as she glances around at the tech on display.

Kara shoulder-bumps Cisco a little harder than necessary as she passes him since he’s still gawking at Lena and shares a look with Caitlin.

Caitlin offers to give Lena a tour and Kara watches them walk away before turning to the mesmerized engineer. “Why don’t you do something useful and order us some pizzas?” Kara snarks uncharacteristically. 

“Lighten up, Supergirl. I didn’t realize she’s your Lois Lane.”

Kara scoffs unconvincingly. “Umph, what? No,” she stammers with a dismissive wave.

Caitlin and Lena rejoin them a few minutes later and Lena unconsciously gravitates towards Kara’s side. “So, did you guys work things out?” Kara asks curiously.

“Yes,” Lena explains. “Caitlin and I will work together on finishing the device and when it’s ready she’ll do the surgery in the medical wing here.”

Caitlin chuckles, “It’s not my first crossover Supergirl.”

Kara huffs a laugh and nods—glad they’ve reached an agreement and reassured Caitlin will be able to back up Lena.

* * *

“You didn’t tell me Cait’s also a brilliant scientist,” Lena comments as they’re flying back to Oliver’s cabin later. 

Kara’s not sure why her gut twists at the familiar way Lena refers to Caitlin, but she sets it aside to examine later. “Trained neuro-surgeon didn’t clue you in?” Kara asks with a smile.

“Well, maybe I’m biased, but the PhD and two doctorates spoke more to my intellect,” Lena quips.

“She’s really passionate about her work as a bioengineer and has a big heart,” Kara adds. “I’m glad she’s partnering with you on the interface project,” Kara says, relief obvious.

“You’re worried?” Lena asks, not altogether surprised.

“Of course, I’m worried, Lena. A foreign object’s going to be implanted in your brain. It’s not some minor medical procedure. Not to mention I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you, this was all my idea,” Kara explains.

Lena’s not sure what she can say in reassurance. The surgery itself isn’t technically challenging, but the human brain’s such a delicate organ and so much remains unknown. Lena hasn’t even told Kara that a small sliver of the stone from the staff will be powering the interface and the aftercare protocol will include a low dose of the harun-el serum. Lena figures it’ll serve as insurance in case something goes wrong, even if the side-effects pose a risk. Going forward she’ll continue working on mitigating the more severe ones.

She’ll discuss it with Kara tomorrow, but tonight she wants to relax and enjoy her friend’s company. It’s been a while since they’d just hung out. Maybe they can have a game night. If there aren’t any in the cabin, she can always atomize some with the staff.

* * *

Kara scrounges up a scrabble game and they’re neck and neck, until Lena manages to put down an o, x, p, b, a, z, and e to link the words pacifying, is, requalified, rainwash, wakeners, onetime, and jaculating along with a few others, to form the word oxyphenbutazone for 1,458 total points. “Oh, come on!” Kara shouts in disgust. “That’s supposed to be theoretical! No one’s ever managed to actually use the word in a game! You set me up!” Lena falls over cackling wickedly as Kara bows her head in defeat.

Kara dumps the board in the box and slumps dramatically on the couch. “At least there were no witnesses,” she laments, covering her eyes with a forearm.

“If you think your friend Oliver doesn’t have this place rigged with cameras, you haven’t been using your supervision,” Lena scoffs.

Kara jerks off the couch and examines the room for the first time. “Sheesh! You think he would’ve warned me,” Kara frowns.

“Why, Ms. Danvers, were you planning something nefarious?” Lena jokes with a smirk.

“Not at all, Ms. Luthor,” Kara replies slowly, gaze focusing on Lena sultrily, “sometimes a girl just wants some privacy.” Lena’s never heard Kara use that low, smoky tone and her mouth goes dry as Kara studies her reaction through half-lidded eyes. 

When she hears Lena’s heartbeat kick into overdrive, Kara gives herself a mental pat on the back, until Lena’s eyes turn black and the heat sears Kara in place. Kara blinks and clears her throat nervously, snapping them both out of the moment.

Lena smiles, letting Kara know it’s all good. “Don’t worry, I already had Gideon disable the cameras and the initial recordings wiped. I didn’t want any of our private conversations floating around in the digital ether.”

“Good,” Kara says, relieved, memories of Cat’s email scandal still fresh in her mind even if it’d been years ago.

“So now that you’ve been nominated for a Pulitzer, what’s next?” Lena throws in casually.

“Wait! How’d you know about that?!” Kara exclaims.

“Kara, I am still the owner and CEO of CatCo. Of course, the committee contacted me. So, the Pulitzer for journalism in the investigative reporting category. Pretty impressive, Ms. Danvers. I knew it wouldn’t take you long. How long have you been a reporter again?”

“Ah, as you well know, about two years,” Kara answers, but can’t help the ear to ear grin. “Ms. Luthor, you, more than any other person in my life deserve to share in my success. So, dinner on me next time,” Kara jokes, but her face softens as she looks, really looks, at her best friend.

She glances down as she nervously tugs on her fingers. “Seriously Lena, I wouldn’t even be a reporter without your support and encouragement. It was always you backing me every step of the way. Thank you, it means everything to me,” she voices earnestly as she pulls Lena into a warm hug. 

“Hell, Snapper only gave me a shot at first because you wouldn’t talk to any other reporter,” she continues as she pulls back. “You pushed me to get the word out about the alien abductions—”

“And got you fired,” Lena interjects.

“—you trusted me with the exclusive background on the biomax story and got me _rehired_,” Kara continues. “You were always there for me, providing not just moral support, but crucial assistance. Without your help deciphering Lex’s notes, not to mention the insight into his Machiavellian schemes, I’d never have unraveled the story in time for it to matter.

I know,” Kara stammers, “it’s going to take time for us to be really okay again. But you need to know, my life is not complete, not anywhere near the vicinity of being complete, without you.”

Lena stares for a minute before busting out laughing. “You just Jerry Maguire’d me!”

Kara can’t keep a straight face either and joins in the raucous laughter. “Okay yes. But it doesn’t make it any less true,” she says.

“We’re _always_ on the same side Lena, and I’m going to make sure I always act like it with my actions and not just my words. I promise.”

Lena smiles tentatively. She’s desperate to believe, but a part of her still whispers ‘liar’ and she’s not ready to forget lest she play the fool once again. But she’s willing to give Kara the chance to prove herself and that’s more than she would’ve done even a few days ago.


	7. All That I've Been Thinking Of (is maybe that you're mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Were you friends?”
> 
> “Not exactly, but I lasted longer as Cat’s assistant than anyone else—ever. I probably know her better than anyone except her son, Carter. We went through a lot together. You think Lillian’s a poor excuse for a mother, Katherine Grant is the epitome of emotionally abusive mothers. Kara Danvers saved Cat’s career, then Supergirl saved her life from Livewire and Carter’s when Max Lord planted a bomb on his bullet train in a convoluted attempt to test my powers. So good times,” she trails off lightly. 
> 
> Like an out of body experience, Lena hears herself ask a question she never intended.
> 
> “Did you fuck her?”

“So, what’s the focus of your next article?” Lena asks eventually.

“Ugh,” Kara says with a frustrated groan. “I want to find a way to force people to confront their xenophobia and start talking again. I mean, sure, Baker and Lex gave it a voice, but it’s been there all along and its ugly and destructive and I believe we’re so much better than that. It’s also not just about aliens. I just don’t know how—” she trails off with a grunt.

Lena cocks her head in thought. “Well, xenophobia, generally speaking, is rooted in fear. People fear what they don’t know and can’t understand.”

“I know, but how can I use my platform at CatCo more effectively to get people talking? Do you know the fastest growing demographic using your image inducer?”

Lena shakes her head slowly, wondering where Kara’s going with this line of thought, and subconsciously leans back.

“Black men using it to pass as white,” Kara says.

“How did you know this and I didn’t?” Lena wonders.

“Well, it’s kind of irrelevant to your bottom line, no?”

“Are you suggesting all I care about is money?” Lena asks with a frown, crossing her arms in front of her.

“No!” Kara says quickly, realizing how her words came across. “Let me get my foot out of my mouth,” she says while she pantomimes doing just that. “I just meant it’s not a negative thing. It just never occurred to _me_ that other groups, however they identify, would use an image inducer to change their appearance. Or that so many people would feel the need. I’m just saying it illustrates how much intolerance exists, that’s all.”

Kara looks off into the distance and Lena can almost see the gears in her mind turning.

“But…”

“But?” Lena prompts her gently.

“Well, if everyone just pretends to be ‘mainstream’ or ‘normal,’ whatever that means at any given place and time, how will we learn tolerance and acceptance as a society? How will people learn not to fear their neighbors?”

“You know Kara, it’s not really as simple as desensitizing humans to differences in appearance. There are realistic concerns regarding the impact of an alien workforce on job markets. For example, humans, generally speaking, can lift between 135-175 pounds. But the average Almeracian can lift 100 times that. So, if I’m running UPS, I want stronger employees, which will lead to less on the job injuries, which equals lower workman’s comp claims, which leads to higher profit.”

“If you were running UPS Lena, you’d have a fleet of robots by now and sentient life-forms would all be out of the delivery business,” Kara laughs.

“True,” Lena deadpans. 

“But that brings me round to my main point. If you want to truly make a genuine, lasting difference, you have to address the legitimate concerns on all sides.”

“You just gave me Snapper Carr deja vu,” Kara says with a feigned shudder.

“Well he kept you from slaughtering me in the press over the alien detection device,” Lena retorts with a raised eyebrow, “so he wasn’t all bad.”

“I know, but he was always such an ass about it,” Kara snickers.

“Kara Danvers, language!”

After a few minutes of comfortable silence where they’re both lost in their thoughts, Kara’s pregnant sigh presages what Lena knows will be a ‘serious talk’ and she’s not sure how much more soul-searching she’s up for, but she waits her out.

“So, are you still selling CatCo?” Kara asks delicately.

It’s Lena’s turn to sigh, although it’s something she’s been rethinking the last couple of days.

“I’m not sure yet,” she replies and it’s as honest an answer as she can give. “Kara, without realizing it, I gradually made your world the center of mine. CatCo, your friends, dating James, even the DEO. Finding out you were Supergirl drove that point home with a vengeance. I think I need to take a step back. Losing you meant I lost _everything_ and I just can’t go there again.”

“But you didn’t lose me Lena. You’ll never lose me,” Kara swears earnestly and Lena finds it easy to believe, but it’s not enough.

“Maybe,” she says gently but firmly. “But it wasn’t healthy for me. Kara, even after I agreed to come here with you, I still had every intention of hurting you. The pain of your betrayal brought something dark to the surface and I almost became exactly the type of person I’d swore I’d never be. I can’t set myself up like that again.”

Kara’s voice breaks and when Lena looks into her eyes, she fights a visceral urge to take back everything she just said. The icy blueness pulls her into a lake of weighty emotion, like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together to form a whirlpool of sorrow, but Kara stays true to her nature and all she says is “I understand.”

“But,” Lena offers, because even still, denying Kara does not come easy, “I’m considering just bringing in a new editor-in-chief and taking a more hands-off approach as CEO.”

“What about James?” Kara asks, wondering if their previous conversations have impacted Lena’s thinking, the tendrils of familiar guilt already weaving their way to her heart.

“If he chooses, he can return to his position as art director, but he’s been an ineffectual CEO and mediocre editor-in-chief and that’s not personal. It’s business,” Lena emphasizes as if she’s reading Kara’s mind. “Under his leadership, readership declined and revenues tanked. Realistically, if it weren’t for you, both as Supergirl and Kara Danvers, CatCo would be in an even more precarious financial position and ripe for a hostile takeover. But I _can_ promise, I won’t be selling to the person I had in mind.”

“Who was it?”

“I doubt you’ve heard of her. Andrea Rojas. We went to boarding school together. Another ex-friend. She would’ve turned CatCo into a tabloid,” Lena admits flatly.

It sounds like there’s a story there, but Kara refrains from prying.

“Thank you, Lena,” she says instead.

Lena quirks her lip slightly as she rises from where they’ve been sitting on the couch. “I’m going to turn in. Cait will be here early tomorrow.”

Kara nods and ignores that same twist in her gut she felt earlier.

* * *

Kara spends the next few days making sure Lena, and by default Caitlin, eat at appropriate intervals and catch at least a few hours of sleep every night. She anticipated Lena’s singular focus. She’s seen this behavior in her friend every time she becomes immersed in a project. 

But this time it’s different and it gives Kara a glimpse of all a true collaboration between them could be. Lena seeks out Kara’s opinion and they discuss the science Kara previously pretended was beyond her and the synergy between them causes Caitlin to shoot them knowing looks, but Lena seems unbothered by the smug smiles and friendly jibes, so Kara feigns obliviousness, which, frankly, she’d been doing in the face of Lena’s flirtation for years.

Gideon ends the latest simulation and Kara looks from Lena to Caitlin and back. Lena nods decisively. “We’re ready. There’s nothing else to be learned from further testing,” Lena declares.

“I agree,” Caitlin adds and Kara plops into a chair without comment.

“Kara?” Lena asks with raised eyebrow.

“Okay,” Kara says, but the look on her face belies her words. Lena doesn’t question her further, though, knowing it’s something they’ll need to discuss in private.

She herds Caitlin towards the door as they make arrangements for the procedure to be performed the next day. As soon as the doors close behind Caitlin, Kara begins to speak, “Lena—”

But Lena quickly interjects. “Let’s take a break and make dinner,” she suggests. 

Kara sighs, but seems almost relieved as they head to the cabin.

They decide on a stir-fry and Kara chops vegetables while Lena seasons chicken for Kara and tofu for herself. She throws together a quick salad and ignores Kara’s playful retching as she tears the kale. They move around each other with the ease of people long-used to sharing space and soon they’re sitting at the table.

Lena meets Kara’s eyes in open invitation to share her thoughts and after a brief pause, Kara speaks.

“I just want to make sure you’ve thought this through. I mean, you may end up with some sort of psychic power. I can tell you from experience, suddenly finding yourself with superpowers is no picnic. Or there could be unforeseen side effects.”

Lena covers Kara’s hand with her own before the superhero gets too enthused in her ramble. “Kara, I have thought it through and we’ll have a window of at least a few weeks wherein we can remove the neural lace without damaging my brain should there be insurmountable problems. But it does bring me to something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Kara doesn’t seem all that reassured, but lets it go and just nods in acceptance.

“Will you stay with me?”

Kara’s puzzled but her answer comes without thought. “Of course, always.”

Lena gives a half-smile and can’t help but relish the warmth in Kara’s answer. “I mean, at the penthouse. Will you come stay with me until we’re sure I have a handle on everything?”

Kara finally seems relieved. “Yes,” she reaffirms emphatically.

“Since no one else on our earth will know, at least at first, I think it’s prudent to have you nearby in case there’s an emergency.” 

“Actually, that reminds me,” Kara says as she jumps up. “I’ll be right back.”

She comes back with a watch Lena immediately recognizes as similar to James’. Kara offers it with a pregnant pause and the silence hangs heavy between them before Lena takes it. “If you ever need me, all you have to do is press the button.”

Lena’s eyes don’t leave Kara’s, searching for what, she’s unsure. Kara’s offer conveys warmth and trust, and a brand of earnestness that’s all Kara Danvers, something she’d never seen directed at her by the superhero. She takes the watch slowly and finally looks down at it.

She expected a custom design considering the modifications she knows it includes, but it’s a Blancpain Fifty Fathoms. “Kara, this is a ten-thousand-dollar watch.”

Kara just shrugs. “When you can squeeze diamonds into existence, it’s really not a big deal. Besides, I wanted you to have a timepiece you could wear to all your fancy events. I modified it myself. It’s now water resistant to 3000 meters and it has a helium release valve. So, unless you find yourself on the ocean floor, it’ll work,” Kara only half jokes, thinking of all the dangerous situations her friend lands in on the regular.

“I’m not sure what to say,” Lena says without thinking.

“Don’t say anything. I should’ve given it to you a long time ago.”

“Wait, how long have you had it?” Lena asks, catching the implication in Kara’s statement.

“I bought it after Medusa,” Kara admits.

“That was almost three years ago,” Lena calculates instantly.

“I should’ve told you then,” Kara whispers softly.

“_Why?_” Lena chokes out. “Why didn’t you tell me Kara? Everything could’ve been so different.”

Kara gestures helplessly. “Cowardice. Insecurity. Fear. Take your pick. I let myself be swayed too much by people I trusted.”

“I just don’t understand Kara. You defended me against all odds, despite what anyone said, including me! Why not just tell me?”

“At first it really was all about your safety. When Lillian kidnapped me to steal my blood to synthesize the Medusa virus, she seemed very—curious—about the nature of our relationship.”

> _And what are you to my daughter?_

“Curious and disapproving to put it mildly. I received a memorable lecture on how Superman lured Lex in with false friendship then destroyed her ‘darling boy, her genius son.’ Her words, not mine.”

Lena can picture it. She’d heard those same words often enough.

“I had nightmares about what Lillian would do—to you—if she suspected we were friends or that you knew my civilian identity.”

“But she learned your identity without me,” Lena points out.

“Yes, in fact, she knew it then, although I didn’t put it together until the Daxamite invasion. Jeremiah was coerced into Cadmus because of me. I’m sure it didn’t take Lillian or the real Hank Henshaw long to link his alien foster daughter to Supergirl.”

“That was over two years ago,” Lena points out unnecessarily.

“Yes, at which point Lillian threw in my face what I already knew. It was too late. I’d been lying too long and when you found out, you’d be devasted and lump me in with every other person in your life that betrayed you and you’d hate me—and I was too afraid to risk it.”

Lena shakes her head, whether in disbelief or regret, Kara’s not sure.

“You know Lena, I understand what drove you to kill Lex. It’s what drove me to risk earth when I agreed to work with Lillian to rescue you and Mon-El. But mostly you. I have no doubt I would’ve let him take his chances if he’d been alone.”

“I thought you loved him?” Lena asks skeptically.

“I did. But with Mon-El it was always complicated. The way he was forced to leave earth led me to romanticize a lot of our relationship. He, more than anyone else, was responsible for the invasion.”

“I’m the one,” Lena starts to argue, but Kara holds up her hands to stop her.

“Rhea had no intention of invading earth. She came here to reunite with her son and ask him to help lead his people. If it had been me? I would’ve gone. How could you turn your back on your people when you’d spent months thinking your species was extinct? Honor would not have allowed me to do less. 

But he was selfish, and spoiled, and immature and Rhea, being a megalomaniacal psychopath responded by invading. I mean, I wasn’t there, but I have a strong suspicion he wasn’t exactly heroically fighting to stop her.”

Lena scoffs. “Not exactly, no.”

“More like sitting on his rear expecting to be rescued?” Kara questions, although she knows the answer.

“I suppose he deserves some credit for comic relief, but yeah, basically,” Lena agrees. “His greatest effort amounted to threatening Rhea with you.”

“Yeah, well be glad you missed Lillian’s most smug I told you so—number one on her greatest hits I’ll bet.”

> _Everything I warned against has come to pass. The alien invaders have come to destroy our way of life and claim our planet, just as I said they would._

“But Cat really came through for me,” Kara remembers wistfully.

“Cat Grant?” Lena asks incredulously.

“The president ordered us to use the positron canon to blow the ship out of the sky and Alex agreed. They tried to convince me there was nothing I could do to save you. But Cat was there and like so many times before, she helped dampen the noise and focus me on what really mattered.”

> _But all I think about is the fact that two people I love are trapped on that ship and if we destroy it—then they're destroyed, too, and that—that will break my heart.  
_
> 
> _That's not selfish, Supergirl. That's human. It's not about what you do. It's about who you love. And there are two people that you love trapped in an evil spaceship. Wanting to rescue them is not selfish. It's everything._

“Did she know?” Lena asks intently, like it’s the only question she’s ever wanted answered.

“Know what?” Kara asks, bewildered.

“Your identity.”

“Ah,” Kara says with sudden clarity.

“Yes. But I only confirmed it recently. I never told her. In fact, after she confronted me about being Supergirl after I first came out, J’onn and I staged a scene in her office where ‘Supergirl’ and I pretended to meet. It got her to back off, but she never really bought it. She pretty much had me pegged from day one. But we spent a lot of time together…” She trails off, not sure how much Lena really wants to hear.

“Were you friends?”

“Not exactly, but I lasted longer as Cat’s assistant than anyone else—ever. I probably know her better than anyone except her son, Carter. We went through a lot together. You think Lillian’s a poor excuse for a mother, Katherine Grant is the epitome of emotionally abusive mothers. Kara Danvers saved Cat’s career, then Supergirl saved her life from Livewire and Carter’s when Max Lord planted a bomb on his bullet train in a convoluted attempt to test my powers. So _good times_,” she trails off lightly.

Like an out of body experience, Lena hears herself ask a question she never intended.

“Did you fuck her?”

“Rao Lena, no!”

“Did you want to?” She persists, driven to ask, by a previously unexperienced, but not unidentified emotion.

“I promised you no more secrets, but is this just to satisfy some prurient curiosity? A test of how vulnerable I’ll let myself be for you?”

“No,” Lena answers plainly, unwilling to back down now that it’s out there.

“Then why does it matter? I mean, I tell you I’m in love with you and you’ve nothing to say about _that_, but you want to discuss my desire for someone else?!” Kara asks, her voice rising with every word.

“What am I supposed to say Kara?! Love isn’t some panacea that will heal the damage you did to us with your lies,” she points out ruthlessly. “Love is not magic.”

“I am understanding that more today than any day before,” Kara responds wearily. “It seems to be my lot in life.”

“What? To fall for powerful women?” Lena taunts.

“No—to love emotionally unavailable ones,” Kara confesses indirectly and sighs profoundly, looking out the window into the falling night. 

She’s trying to keep from lashing out. She recognizes Lena’s anger is nothing but a shield for pain, like a cornered soldier randomly throwing out grenades, scared for her life, lonely, desperate. Kara breathes in slowly. What if nothing blows up? What if there are no consequences? Wouldn't the shield clatter to the ground and let the pain tumble out, like excising an infected wound?

Lena takes a deep breath and tries to reign in all the jarring emotions suddenly running rampant within her. But the trap springs shut—she’s caught between conflicting desires—the craving for Kara’s love and all its promises and the thirst to punish her. In order to save some semblance of sanity, she retreats.

“I’m sorry, Kara. You’re right. It’s none of my business,” she says quietly.

“I’m going to call it a night,” she adds and then leaves the room quietly when Kara doesn’t say anything else or try to stop her.

Kara’s flying through the night sky, trying to calm her roiling emotions and troubled soul. She’s always felt more connected among the stars. The same stars that greeted her people, the same ones that will be here in a thousand years. 

She’s thankful Lena’s giving her a chance, that she hasn’t shut her out completely, but it’s still so hard, to stand next to her, yet have chasms separate them emotionally. But, in all fairness, it’s barely been a couple of weeks and she can’t expect Lena to ‘just get over it.’

Talking about Cat may also have been a mistake. But the thought of lying about how much she cared for her mentor seemed disloyal and misleading Lena about her feelings was not an option. Radical honesty Lena said she wanted and Kara will give it to her—hopefully it wouldn’t destroy them both.

Before she can get too carried away with her inner musings, she hears Lena cry out and she jets back to the cabin. As she rushes through the door, she hears Lena whimper and as she approaches her bedroom, she hears her whisper. “_Kara_.”

She quickly realizes Lena’s in the throes of a dream or maybe a nightmare. She’s debating whether to wake her friend or to leave before she’s noticed, but then Lena opens her eyes, startled, and it’s a moot point.

Kara follows her instincts and gently sits on the edge of the bed facing her, hesitantly laying her hand on her arm. “Hey, it was just a dream,” she coos softly.

Lena takes a deep breath and then eases back onto her pillow. “It was Lex. It’s always Lex,” she spits bitterly.

“Hey, I know it sucks, but you’re not alone Lena. I’m here,” she soothes.

Lena scoots back and raises the sheet, silently asking for Kara’s comfort and Kara doesn’t hesitate, slipping out of her shoes and sliding under the covers. She opens her arms and Lena slides into them, laying her head on Kara’s chest. 

Kara feels Lena start to shake and hears her quiet sniffing. She holds her in silence, rocking her slowly as her tears soak Kara’s shirt. A tiny lapse lets her pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before she collapses again, her low moans of misery worsening. The pain must come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling her back into the outstretched arms of her grief.

There’s a rawness to Lena’s crying, like the pain is still an open wound and Kara guesses it must be. She’s sure Lena’s been too busy shoving her grief and pain into tiny imaginary boxes for her out-sized imaginary closet where she keeps her very real emotions.

Kara’s arms around her feel stronger than anything Lena’s ever known. They always have. It’s as if holding Lena isn’t quite enough—Kara has to feel every ounce of Lena pressed into every ounce of her and as always, Lena’s pain melts away.

Eventually her sobbing eases, then ceases completely. They drift off to sleep without words or conscious agreement and Lena has a fleeting thought that maybe it could always be like this if she’s just brave enough to let Kara love her.

* * *

Lena holds Kara’s hand as Caitlin talks her through the procedure. 

They’d decided on an awake craniotomy to lower the risk of damage to the functional areas of Lena’s brain that could affect her vision, movement or speech.

Oliver also scrubbed in to assist. Although not a surgeon, he does have extensive medical training, not to mention he’s skilled in wielding light magic and given the nature of the power source for the implant, it can’t hurt should anything unexpected happen.

Caitlin’s administered the local anesthetic and they’re waiting for it to take effect.

“You’re looking a little queasy there Supergirl,” Lena jests from her prone position on the operating table.

Kara tries to smile, but it’s more of a grimace. “Yeah, well I’ve always been amazed by your brain, but I never expected to see it this up close and personal. It’s—wrinkly and—big,” she mutters.

Oliver snorts a laugh and Kara glares at him, but before she can say anything, Caitlin announces they’re ready.

“Okay Lena, you’re going to help me map your brain function first. Kara, start with the flash cards,” she instructs. 

The surgery lasts almost two hours, but it goes smoothly and soon Lena’s sinking into blissful sleep in the recovery room. Caitlin’s studying the post-surgical PET scan when Kara hears her heart rate increase sharply. “What’s wrong?” She asks anxiously.

“Nothing’s wrong—sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. I forget about the super-senses, especially when you’re not in your suit. It’s just her neurons are firing exponentially compared to the presurgical scan.”

Oliver walks over to study the scan and hands Caitlin the post-surgical blood work, from the blood draw after Lena received the harun-el serum. “Oxytocin’s flooding her mirror neurons,” he points out, “and her amygdala’s on fire.”

Caitlin elbows him when Kara looks like she’s going to pass out. “In a good way,” he rushes to point out. “It makes sense actually. It plays a key role in processing emotions.”

“I thought the amygdala controls the human sex-drive,” Kara responds curiously.

“The amygdala is a processing center that is hooked up to receive incoming messages from our senses and our internal organs. It’s highly involved with different emotional responses,” Caitlin explains. “Not just our sex-drive. We’ll get an EEG as soon as she’s awake, but based on what I’m already seeing, I expect to see an increase in frequency across the board,” Caitlin concludes, “but specifically with the theta waves.”

“Why?” Kara asks.

“Human theta waves are the brain frequencies of the barely conscious states just before sleeping and just after awakening, the intriguing border between the conscious and the subconscious worlds. Research indicates a ‘theta state-of-mind’ can create everything and change reality instantly. So, it correlates to the telepathic abilities possessed by Martians,” Caitlin explains.

“Could it be dangerous?” Kara questions worriedly.

“I don’t believe so. I think at extreme levels it may cause a trance-like state so to speak. Humans typically only drop into the theta state just before we go to sleep, or when we're dreaming,” Caitlin responds confidently.

“But that’s why we agreed you guys would stay at least another couple of weeks and you’ll bring Lena back once a week for the next few months so we can continue monitoring the implant,” Caitlin reminds her.

“Right,” Kara says with a sigh as she prays to Rao nothing goes wrong.

* * *

Lena wakes groggily, squinting at the bright lights overhead and Kara’s startled out of her thoughts by her voice. “Stop worrying, Kara, I’m fine.” 

Except she was looking right at Lena and she hasn’t spoken.

“Lena—” Kara stutters. “Did you say something?”

Lena looks at her, perplexed for a moment and then closes her eyes. “Can you hear me?” Kara hears her ask even though her lips aren’t moving.

“Lena, how are you in my head,” Kara says not without a hint of panic.

Lena hears the tone in her voice and opens her eyes. “I don’t know,” she says out loud.

“This shouldn’t be possible. Kryptonians are immune to Martian telepathy,” Kara explains. “To _all_ telepathy.”

“Besides, even if you can read my mind, I shouldn’t be able to hear you in mine. That type of reciprocal telepathy should only be possible between Martians or maybe with other telepaths,” Kara theorizes.

“Maybe it has something to do with the fact I used the staff on you?” Lena posits. It’s the only thing that comes to mind. “Maybe we’re now linked somehow?”

Kara takes a deep breath as she paces.

“Kara, I’m sorry,” Lena begins to apologize and it snaps Kara out of her mental freefall.

“No, it’s okay Lena. Weird. But fine,” she’s quick to reassure her friend.

“We’ll figure it out—together,” she adds positively and Lena can’t help but smile. Kara’s possessed of boundless optimism.

“Right. So has Caitlin reviewed the post-surgical scans?” Lena asks impatiently.

“Oh, yeah. Let me go get her so you two can geek out. Plus, I know she wants an EEG and probably another blood draw. I’ll be right back.”

But before she can leave the room Caitlin and Oliver enter. Kara sees a mischievous look steal across Lena’s face and immediately thinks, “trouble, with a capital T.”

Lena glances at her briefly and Kara hears an echo in her brain—‘shush you’— before Lena turns to address Oliver.

“No, I’m not participating in a sex-study so you can measure my amygdala response,” Lena informs him knowingly. “I doubt Felicity would appreciate your thoughts,” she adds.

“Holy shit!” Oliver shouts and Caitlin cringes. “You can read my mind! Wait—can you just poke around in there like you’re searching my closet?”

Caitlin holds up her hands. “Stop! Let’s get a new set of scans Lena and another blood draw and I highly recommend you don’t root around in Oliver’s mind. Who knows what you’ll catch,” she adds sarcastically. “You—go,” she says as she shoos Oliver out of the room.

Caitlin sets about taking Lena’s vital signs, all of which fall into normal human range. “In addition to a new PET and EEG scan and blood draw, I think we also need a cytopathologic analysis to track any changes that may be occurring at the cellular level,” she tells Lena.

“I agree,” Lena responds. “Give us a few minutes and Kara and I will meet you in the lab.”

Caitlin looks at her closely. “How do you feel? Fatigue, headache?”

“I feel great, actually,” Lena says surprised.

Caitlin removes the bandage over the incision and inhales sharply. Kara looks over her shoulder and opens her eyes wide. Lena doesn’t have to ask because Kara’s thoughts shout into her mind. 

“The incision completely healed already?” She asks out loud, but it’s rhetorical and honestly not unexpected. It’s what the harun-el does really—regenerative healing. 

“Too bad it won’t regrow my hair as quickly,” she quips when the other two remain mute.

Kara’s seen these effects before so she’s not exactly surprised, but she’s worried Lena will start to exhibit the potentially fatalistic superhuman abilities which might place undue stress on her metabolic functions.

“Kara,” Lena says, clasping their hands together. “The dose I took was carefully calibrated and nowhere near the dosage I had to use for James given the severity of his injuries, much less the reckless dosage Lockwood injected himself with—I’ll be fine.”

Kara puts on a brave face, but given their new connection, she can’t really hide the depth of her concern from Lena.

“Okay, let’s get these tests out of the way. If there’s no swelling then there’s no real need to stay here. You’ll be more comfortable at the cabin anyway,” Kara finally says. She’s knows all too well how stir-crazy she gets when Alex forces her to stay in the medical ward at the DEO and she imagines Lena will be even more restless if the harun-el’s working as they expect.

* * *

Lena had to agree to rest before Kara would fly them to the cabin, so she’s snuggled up on the couch with a mug of tea, while Kara prepares dinner.

She’s wondering how exactly she’s supposed to maintain emotional distance from someone who’s linked to her mind. Lena suspects she’s naturally adept at shielding her thoughts since emotional reticence is practically a Luthor family motto, but she’s never been great at hiding her feelings from Kara—mainly because she’s never felt a real need to hide from the reporter—and a telepathic link can’t possibly make it any easier.

She can hear Kara humming, which is new. Kara’s prone to singing, but Lena’s never heard her hum before, unless—

Lena focuses on sensing Kara and directing her thoughts. ‘_Are you humming in an attempt to clear your mind_?’ 

She hears a plate crash and Kara’s shout. “Darn!”

She’s still laughing a minute later when the blonde strides into the room in a huff. “Okay, first ground rule. No poking around in my head without warning unless it’s an emergency,” she states imperiously.

Lena grins and Kara can’t maintain her ire. It’s such a breath of fresh air to hear Lena’s laugh after so long. 

“Okay,” Lena capitulates with a cocky grin. “I promise. But we should really explore the extent of this connection.”

“Sure,” Kara agrees easily. “But I have a feeling this two-way channel of ours is unique to us.”

“That’s true. I tried to speak with Oliver and Caitlin in the same way and neither one showed any signs of hearing me,” Lena admits.

“You’re going to need to work with another telepath if we’re really going to learn about your new abilities outside this link we share,” Kara points out.

“Let me guess,” Lena snarks playfully. “You know a girl.”

“Yessss—” Kara replies in kind. “Cecile Horton, she’s a friend of Barry’s, in a convoluted I’m dating your foster father/father-in-law kind of way.”

It gives Lena an idea. “Let’s try something. Just think about the way Cecile knows Barry and I’m going to see what I can capture from your thoughts. Okay?”

Kara nods and thinks about Cecile.

“Ce-Seal-Your-Fate Horton is the former district attorney of Central City, a member of team Flash, and Joe West’s girlfriend. Joe’s Barry’s foster father and biological father of Iris West, Barry’s wife, hence the foster father/father-in-law weirdness,” Lena says shortly.

Kara nods excitedly. “Exactly—and oddly precise,” she decides. “It seemed more convoluted in my head.”

“You guys seriously need better monikers for your teams,” Lena adds as an afterthought.

“Oh, I definitely agree,” Kara replies. “Winn named the super friends and I couldn’t get him to stop. Eventually they just wore me down, although you never hear me or Alex call us that,” she shudders in faux disgust.

“I’ll have Caitlin reach out to her tomorrow. Before we go back to our earth, I want to make sure you can protect yourself,” Kara says, no longer playful.

“Kara, do you really think J’onn would try to tamper with my memories?”

Instead of answering, Kara lies back on the couch and remembers. She thinks about when she first met J’onn as FBI agent Noel Niell and then later as Hank Henshaw. She remembers Colonel James Harper and Colonel Haley and the voluntary mind-wipes of Alex and her colleagues at the DEO. When she opens her eyes, Lena stares at her thoughtfully.

“He did all of that to protect you,” Lena points out.

“I know,” Kara concedes. “That’s my concern. Every day my faith grows that you and I will work things out and find our way back to each other. But, Lena, if we don’t, I don’t ever want anyone coming after you because they view you as a threat—to Kara Danvers or Supergirl. I know you’re no damsel Lena and you can protect yourself from most threats, even without me. But not against him. When it comes to your safety, I don’t trust anyone 100%—actually I’d trust Brainy. So long as he’s not rebooted anyway—long story,” she answers the unasked question with a wave of her hand.

Lena’s not sure she agrees with Kara even after sharing her memories, but she knows Kara’s genuinely concerned and Kara believes without a doubt J’onn, and to a lesser extent James and Alex could turn on Lena if they ever viewed her as a threat.

“What about you Kara? If I ever turned on you, really went Lex Luthor level evil on you, wouldn’t you want someone to be able to stop me?”

“Stop you? Sure. Kill you? Under no circumstance, including saving my own life. Make you forget me? Never. Because if you forgot me, Lena, I’d lose all hope—and _that_—I could never recover from.”

Lena doesn’t even have to try. She can feel Kara’s love and trust washing over her in waves. But her traitorous mind still doubts, so she lets Kara’s words stand, but refuses to accept their truth.

* * *

The next couple of weeks prove incredibly fruitful as Lena and Kara work on learning the nature and extent of their connection. They’re both relieved to find it requires a conscious effort to establish the link and after the first couple of days, no accidental merging occurs. Lena _can_ bar Kara from her mind. Although Kara cannot block Lena, she _can_ initiate their connection so long as Lena doesn’t actively resist her. They can speak to each other telepathically, in addition to sharing their thoughts, feelings, and memories and so far, the link holds even if they’re miles apart.

Lena’s work with Claire has shown she can telepathically shield herself and others from mental intrusions. Even in the short time-span they’ve been working together, Lena’s grown stronger mentally, requiring less effort to detect and block all attempts at memory manipulation, mind control, and psionic blasts and illusions. Claire’s obviously not as strong as J’onn, but it’s as close to a real-world test as they can get.

All of the tests show increased neural activity and mutations at the cellular level. But so far, there are no signs of negative impact on her metabolic functions. One of the side-effects, either of the harun-el or the implant, but it’s impossible to tell which, is that Lena’s body has become denser. Although not completely invulnerable like Kara, she’s now much harder to hurt and therefore, that much harder to kill. Her strength’s now also more on par with Gregor ‘The Mountain’ Clegane than the average human female. All good things as far as Kara’s concerned.

Consequently, Lena’s discovered her new favorite activity—sparring with Kara. And although Kara enjoys it—Lena was quite skilled at hand to hand combat already—there’s an embarrassing consequence of their bouts. Kara’s raging arousal. 

Even if Lena couldn’t read her mind—there’s really no way to hide dilated pupils or her hardening nipples under a sports bra. Not from someone as observant as Lena. And although Lena’s shown no sign of awareness, Kara doesn’t for a minute believe she’s oblivious to the effect she has on Kara. 

And it’s frustrating, not just because she leaves Kara utterly wrecked and aching, but because Kara sees no sign she affects Lena in nearly the same way. It leaves her lonely in a way she’s normally good at ignoring. Maybe they will repair their friendship—but Kara’s pretty sure they’ll never be more—and it’s breaking her heart.

* * *

They’ve finished the latest round of tests and Caitlin’s signed off for another week. Lena’s enjoying a glass of wine on the porch while she thinks about the last month of her life. There’s no denying Kara’s melted away Lena’s desire for vengeance with her warmth and earnestness and unconditional acceptance. Lena’s already abandoned any plans for revenge—not just for Kara’s sake, but for her own. She’s not Lex and she’s grateful Kara managed to pull her back from the edge of his particular type of madness. 

She can even see herself working side by side with Supergirl again, although their friends are another matter. Now that she’s experienced their doubt and true feelings through Kara’s memories, she’s not sure she could let them back into her life. At least not Alex or J’onn and certainly not James, for reasons she hasn’t even shared with Kara yet.

Kara. In her soul she knows she’s forgiven her. It’s not even the certainty the staff gifted her by showing her Kara’s true feelings. Over the last month, the blonde’s been nothing short of amazing. No one’s ever taken the time before to simply cherish Lena. Kara’s done it and more. But Lena’s still hurt and facing the humiliation of all their friends knowing and participating in her betrayal still rankles and chafes against her pride.

Until she can honestly say she’s over it, she can’t open her heart to the love she knows she’s always felt for Kara. 

Sure, she channeled it into friendship—she told herself Kara was straight, and if Kara’s eyes lingered on her lips or her chest or her ass when she thought Lena wasn’t looking, then it was just aesthetic admiration. 

She told herself she needed a friend more than a lover—and if it was Kara’s face in her mind’s eye when she masturbated or when she fucked James, then fantasies were nothing to be ashamed of and they didn’t mean anything. 

And if she gave Kara unprecedented access to her office, and made sure there were potstickers at her galas, and bought her a media conglomerate—well they were _best_ friends. 

So yeah—she’s been whipped for a long time. But even Lena knows healthy relationships can’t thrive under the resentful shadow of bitterness and humiliation.

But maybe, she was starting to hope, with enough time and effort, she could work through those feelings—_with_ Kara. Assuming the hero didn’t come to her senses and decide Lena wasn’t worth the effort. But somehow, she knew, if Kara hadn’t given up on her by now, there was little chance of it happening ever.

“Hey,” Kara smiles as she joins her on the porch.

“Hey yourself,” Lena answers with a grin of her own.

“What do you say to going home?” Lena asks softly.

Kara looks up at the stars and shoots a quick prayer to Rao. “I’m ready if you are,” she says decisively. “Do you still want me to stay with you?”

“Yes,” Lena responds with a quirk of her eyebrow. “Would you rather not?”

“Why does that sound like a trick question?” Kara wonders out loud. “But yes, I want to stay with you—at least until you’re settled in and things achieve some sort of equilibrium.”

“Have you met us?” Lena mocks impishly. “I give it a day before the villain of the week declares themselves.”

Kara cocks her head pensively. “You’re with me, right?”

“Always,” Lena responds without hesitation.


	8. Reverse-Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She’s never said it in so many words. But I know my sister better than anyone else on this planet. I have seen her do remarkable things—impossible things. But I’ve seen nothing so extraordinary as the way Kara loves you—with a single-minded conviction nothing anyone says, nothing you’ve done, has been able to diminish. What you choose to do with that love will write an epic tragedy or a love story for the ages, but I know, without doubt, Kara won’t give up on you until one of you is dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, Lex is dead, CatCo won't be sold to Andrea, Lena will never kidnap Eve, and Hope exists, but only as a disembodied AI.

They step through the breach and into Lena’s living room and it’s a bit disconcerting to find her shoes and purse strewn in the entryway as she’d left them over a month ago. She picks up her cellphone from the coffee table and notes the date and time with the same sense of dislocation. 

“Are you okay?” Kara asks quietly.

“Yeah—it’s just a bit discomfiting, that I’ve lived a month, but yet not,” Lena struggles to parse her emotions.

“I know the feeling. I fought a war, then came back, and no one but me knew,” Kara shares. “It’s isolating in a way—lonely even.”

Lena raises an eyebrow, curiosity edging out her exhaustion.

“It’s how I met Oliver, actually. That’s also when Cisco gave me the interdimensional extrapolator so we could keep in touch.”

“Wait, it allows you to communicate with Earth 1—like an interdimensional telephone?!” Lena asks, excited despite herself.

“Yep!” Kara replies with an exaggerated pop of her lips. “That’s how I made arrangements for our stay at the cabin. Oh, and now I can finally apologize,” Kara adds.

“What for?”

“The reason I never came to see you after Medusa. Barry and Cisco came to get me that night. I left right after the fight on the waterfront. They needed help with an alien invasion.”

Lena listens fascinated as Kara recounts the fight with the Dominators. Kara invites her to share the memories and it’s—Lena can think of only one word that fits—_intimate_. She’s reliving Kara’s experiences while Kara talks about them and they’re just totally immersed and communicating using all their senses and Lena feels absolutely connected _in_ the moment and _to_ Kara.

“So, I’m sorry and thank you. Thank you for saving the alien population of earth and I’m sorry it took me so long to finally say it.”

“I get it Kara. I never really expected Supergirl to sing my praises for stopping my family’s repeated attempt at genocide,” Lena dismisses her apology with a blasé wave of her hand. “Especially after the way I reacted when you tried to tell me my mother was the head of Cadmus.”

“Maybe,” Kara replies quietly. “But I bet you could’ve used your friend Kara for moral support. I should’ve come clean then. I was trying to stop everyone from hacking you and in retrospect it was one of my more naïve moments. I’m sure Alex ordered Winn to do it anyway.”

Lena scoffs with a wicked smirk. “Oh, he tried. Winn may be a genius but he’s nowhere near as cunning as a Luthor, even on a good day. It took him days to notice my cyber counterattack. While he thought he was breaking through layers of L-Corp encryption, I reverse engineered his hack and gained access to his terminal. By the time he noticed, I had all his passwords and access to the DEO mainframe.”

Lena’s joy at getting one over on the man-child coder is infectious and Kara chuckles while simultaneously trying to shake her head disapprovingly.

“Anyway, I’m going to make a quick run to my apartment and grab some clothes,” Kara finally says as she heads towards the penthouse balcony. “I’ll pick up dinner on my way back.”

Lena nods. “Fine, but something healthy for me please,” Lena admonishes with a tired grin. Her human metabolism can’t keep up with Kara’s constant junk food intake.

“You’re no fun,” Kara throws back playfully as she jumps into the air.

After Kara flies off, Lena absentmindedly starts to straighten up the mess and prepare the guest room. It dawns on her gradually—it’s the first time she’s really been alone in weeks. As she thinks about their time on Earth 1, she realizes not once did she feel stifled by Kara’s constant presence, even when her emotions were all over the place. Kara has a way of just fitting into Lena’s space—comforting but not overbearing.

As she passes her office door, Lena pauses. She enters the room and the lights engage automatically casting the space in a soft glow. “Hope,” Lena whispers subconsciously.

“Good evening, Ms. Luthor,” a disembodied voice responds as an hourglass of pinpoints of light materializes on her desk.

“I am terminating project non nocere,” Lena intones uncertainly.

“Why?” Hope replies noncommittally.

“I realize I was letting the same emotions I sought to eradicate, dictate my actions. I was driven by feelings of humiliation and vengeance when I conceived the mission. Not to mention the hubris I indulged in thinking I could fix mankind by depriving them of freewill and in essence, replacing it with my own.”

“Does this mean you will deactivate me?” Hope asks in the same neutral voice.

Lena considers the question carefully. In creating a strong AI, Lena knew the dangers of it developing a vested interest in its own evolution—survival as a goal—a will to live, so to speak. Although Hope exists on a completely air gapped network, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility she could fashion an escape and disappear into the internet and inadvertently wreak havoc.

Lena’s not worried about recreating Samaritan in real time. But although the notion of an evil artificial intelligence is a red herring, Hope’s goal of survival could lead to very ‘evil’ results, depending on what it identifies as a threat or sets on as its goals. The real worry isn’t malevolence, but competence. 

Even if the intent is ‘good’ the means used might not justify the ends. After all, the problem of depletion of natural resources, and most other environmental concerns, is easily managed if you kill off six billion people, give or take a few hundred thousand—and a super intelligent AI is by definition very good at attaining its goals, as Lena and every AI expert knows. 

It’s also a myth that machines can’t control humans. Intelligence enables control: humans control tigers not with superior strength, but with superior intelligence. To cause trouble, Hope needs no robotic body, merely an internet connection to enable everything from outsmarting financial markets and out-inventing human researchers to out-manipulating human leaders. Hope could easily pay or manipulate humans to unwittingly do its bidding. Or even wittingly—Lex and Lillian certainly never had issues finding morally bankrupt humans motivated by nothing more than their next paycheck—not all of them were fanatics.

But Hope also represents a limitless resource and Lena’s loathe to scrap all her work.

“No, Hope. I am merely retasking you with a new project. We need to develop a more effective and durable kryptonite shield.”

“Have you forgiven Kara Danvers?” Hope inquires, and not for the first time Lena wishes she’d not used the unrelenting pursuit of knowledge as a critical component of the AI’s programming.

“Yes,” Lena answers simply and aloud for the first time. 

She’s overcome with a sense of relief and it dawns on her the amount of raw energy it took to fuel her anger at Kara. Her faithless mind immediately tells her she’ll regret forgiving the hero, but for the first time it’s an impotent murmur instead of a compelling shout.

“We can build on the existing shield technology, but the new armor needs to neutralize all kryptonite—synthetic and natural,” Lena instructs.

“Yes, Ms. Luthor.”

Before Lena can finalize her instructions, Kara’s standing behind her. The genius never heard her approach.

“Lena,” Kara calls tentatively. “Who are you talking to?”

Lena points at the hourglass. “Kara, meet Hope—she’s a super-intelligent AI of my own design,” Lena explains, her pride evident.

“Good evening, Supergirl,” Hope greets the hero, revealing the consciousness’ knowledge of her identity.

“I hope she knows not to bandy that knowledge about,” Kara only partway jokes.

“We’re the only ones who know of Hope’s existence,” Lena assures, “and I intend to keep it that way. The technology would be worth billions on the open market, but it’s potential for abuse is also limitless, so I have no intentions of patenting it,” Lena concludes, her own flirtation with its potential for evil still fresh in her memory.

“Hope’s going to help me develop your new kryptonite shield,” Lena changes the subject.

Kara smiles at her friend, flattered Lena’s making Supergirl’s safety a priority. “Thank you, Lena,” she says earnestly. Lena looks away for a second, always a little embarrassed in the face of Kara’s sincerity.

“Come on, let’s eat,” Kara continues after a moment, tugging Lena out of her office. “I brought you the lemon kale salad you like from the Greek place.”

They settle in front of Lena’s flat screen in the living room, the CatCo news station quietly playing in the background.

As they divvy up the food, Lena can tell something’s on Kara’s mind. She’s glancing at her sideways every few seconds and the tell-tale crinkle appears between her brows. But she decides to let Kara get to it in her own time as she settles on the couch with her salad.

“So,” Kara says after swallowing more potstickers in a mouthful than should be possible, or even safe. Lena smiles encouragingly and waits.

“I want to tell everyone you know,” Kara finally blurts out. Lena’s smile turns pensive, but Kara can’t quite read her expression.

Finally, Lena just shrugs, “Okay. When?”

“As soon as possible. So, tomorrow. But I’m not sure how. Should I tell them all together? Should I just tell Alex and let her spread the word?”

“No,” Lena interjects resolutely. “I want to be there and I want them all to have to look me in the face when they find out I know they’ve been lying to me for years.”

Kara nods slowly, considering her words carefully. “Should I include Nia and Brainy?”

Lena cocks her head in thought and finally nods yes. “I don’t really hold it against them though—Nia and Brainy just met me. It’s not the same as the rest of you,” she trails off. She doesn’t want to rehash the whole thing now. Even if she’s forgiven Kara, it still hurts and the others’ deception, especially James’, still rankles.

“Well, tomorrow’s Saturday and we’d said we’d have a game night soon. It’s Alex’s turn to host. So, should I set it up?”

Lena nods and Kara responds with one of her own as she picks up her phone. “I’ll text Alex.”

* * *

Lena and Kara arrive together at Alex’s. They’re a little late so everyone else, except J’onn, is already there. When Alex opens the door, they can see Nia and Brainy sitting on cushions around the coffee table, while James lounges on the sofa, beer already in hand.

He looks up at the familiar tapping sound of Lena’s heels on Alex’s hardwood floors. He smiles widely and although Lena used to find it charming, now it just seems entitled. She nods her head in acknowledgment, but otherwise ignores him. His smile slowly dims as he turns to Kara with a question in his eyes.

“Hey guys,” Kara greets as she walks over to the couch and sits next to James without meeting his gaze. After a moment Lena settles next to her and Alex perches on the arm of the sofa, completing the rough circle.

Alex suspected something was up by the way Kara dodged her calls after texting about setting up the gathering. She even suspected why Kara wanted everyone to meet. But she’s finding it hard to read her sister’s normally open body language. Kara seems closed off in a way that doesn’t usually include Alex. But there’s no use speculating and the tension in the room is growing by the minute, so Alex grabs the proverbial bull by the horns.

“J’onn’s running late. He had to meet with a client.”

Kara glances at Lena in silent communication and they seem to reach an agreement as Alex observes. It’s weird. They seem closer than ever, which is saying something for Kara and Lena. The two have always gotten each other in a way that made even Alex a little jealous sometimes. But if Kara finally told Lena her secret, Alex would’ve expected to see more evidence of hurt and anger, even hostility in Lena’s countenance. Instead she notes a certain reserve—a marked lack of friendliness perhaps, but nothing like the rage she’d expected from the fiery Lena she’s gotten to know over the last year.

Before Alex can come to any conclusion, Kara finally addresses the group.

“So, I—well we—” she corrects herself, gesturing to Lena, “wanted to meet with everyone for a reason that has nothing to do with game night. I wanted to tell all of you that Lena knows the truth—about my secret hero identity—and inadvertently yours too Nia,” Kara adds with an apologetic look. But Nia doesn’t flinch or seem at all bothered by it. “Lena’s always worked with us, but from now on she’s a fully trusted member of our team,” Kara emphasizes with an uncompromising look at her sister and James.

“Welcome to the team,” Brainy says breaking the silence. “When you have time, I’d like to talk to you further about boxes,” he adds cryptically as he glances at Nia not at all subtly. Brainy’s matter-of-fact acceptance breaks the ice and there’s a collective metaphorical, if not literal, sigh, defusing some of the tension.

But Lena’s been studying James, whose frown deepened at Kara’s revelation. She’s been unashamedly reading his mind and although she’s not exactly surprised, his reaction still hurts.

_‘Ugh, why now Kara,’_ he thought. _‘Lena and I just broke up and now I’ll have to spend more time around her. Hmm, but if I tell her about Mackenzie’s source and the rumor of a black budget at L-Corp, maybe she’ll reconsider bringing Lena onto the team,’_ he speculates in a span of seconds.

Alex draws Lena’s attention next. “Lena, I’m sorry—I know you must feel burned by us all and I know I’m a huge part of the reason Kara waited so long to tell you. I had my reasons, mostly rooted in protecting her, but I was wrong,” Alex finishes with an apologetic shrug. 

Alex’s thoughts are mostly a jumble of all the times Kara defended Lena and a genuine regret she’d hurt her friend. It’s the last thought that startles Lena. Alex considers Lena one of her few good friends and looks forward to making it up to Lena for all of it—the mistrust, the secrets, the lies.

Nia stands awkwardly and bends over to give Lena a brief hug. “I’m glad you’re finally onboard. Kara really struggled keeping things from you,” she offers sincerely. “Anyway, Brainy and I are going to head out,” she says as she straightens and tugs on a confused Brainy’s hand. She knows, whether it’s her powers or simple intuition, this revelation affects the rest of the team in ways not applicable to her and Brainy and she wants to give the rest of them space to air out their feelings. She hugs Kara and whispers discreetly in her ear. “Call me if you need to talk,” before dragging a still processing Coluan out the door.

As they exit, they find J’onn walking towards Alex’s door from the elevator. Nia smiles shyly, but doesn’t stop to talk or allow Brainy to say anything either. J’onn smiles confusedly for a moment, but figures he’s about to find out why Nia and Brainy seem to be fleeing a crime scene.

Everyone turns towards him as he slips in through the not-quite-closed door and he’s immediately bombarded by James and Alex’s loud thoughts. The gist comes through clear enough—Kara told Lena she’s Supergirl. James’ thoughts can most charitably be described as ambivalent, while Alex is mostly relieved and hopeful.

“Sorry I’m late everyone,” he apologizes with a smile as he waits for someone to actually say something.

“Hi J’onn,” Kara says softly as she steps into the breach.

“I’m sure you’ve figured it out already, but I gathered everyone here tonight let you all know I’ve told Lena—well everything, really,” Kara explains nervously, tugging on her fingers anxiously.

J’onn smiles warmly at Lena, but as he looks into her eyes, his dim slightly. Lena feels a small push against her mind. After a few seconds it gets a little stronger before stopping completely. J’onn seems puzzled for a second, but he quickly schools his expression back to warm affection.

“Welcome to the team Lena. I have no shame in admitting I was wrong about you. You’ve always been a tremendous asset in defending aliens and humans alike and you deserve our trust.”

The genuine caring emanating from J’onn begins to thaw Lena’s determination to remain aloof. At least until James’ thoughts intrude again. She glares at him and he’s taken aback at the venom in her look. Of course, he has no way of knowing Lena knows exactly what he’s thinking.

He clears his throat and everyone focuses on him. “Something you want to say James,” Alex asks challengingly. Alex knows better than anyone James has always been jealous of Kara’s connection with Lena. It started when Kara defended the young genius against all comers and all logic, while conversely showing little faith in Guardian. No one was more vehement in their disdain for the youngest Luthor than James and it only intensified through the years and culminated when Lena bought CatCo. 

Although she’d never discussed it with Kara, she believes jealous envy motivated James to date Lena. Of course, Lena’s smoking hot—so it was hardly a hardship, but Lena was always too much woman for James. Too intelligent, too assertive, and too independent. James preferred his women a little needier—like Lucy and like Kara before she’d fully embraced being Supergirl and wisely dumped his ass. In retrospect, Kara wised up to James right after she met Lena and the agent wonders how much Kara’s decision was unconsciously influenced by the powerful CEO.

James rubs his neck as he searches for the right words. His glance darts from Alex to Kara before finally turning to Lena with a concerned frown. “No offense Lena, but I need to talk to Kara privately.”

Lena scoffs, but before she can respond, Kara does it for her. “It is offensive. I just told you I have no more secrets from Lena and the first words out of your mouth undermine us both,” she says accusatorily.

“Maybe you don’t,” James replies defensively, “but it doesn’t mean Lena’s suddenly an open book—right Lena?” James asks rather smugly.

“Whatever secret you think you know, Mr. Olsen,” Lena tells him, “you’re more than welcome to spit it out. This time at least do it to my face,” she bites out.

“What are you talking about Lena?” James asks heatedly. “I’m not the one sneaking around behind your back!”

“Oh, but you did—before you had your convenient attack of conscience that’s exactly what you did. But that’s not all you did, is it _Guardian_?” Lena questions derisively. 

Kara, Alex, and J’onn look at each other in confusion—none of them have a clue what Lena’s talking about.

“After your self-serving confession, you did exactly that!” She informs the stunned group. “You knew I had kryptonite before I told you because you searched my lab. One of the nights you so gallantly brought me dinner and I fell asleep on the couch in my office, you used my badge to gain access.”

Alex looks at James with disgust and its obvious J’onn is deeply disappointed. Kara just gapes at him in shock.

“After you gave me the speech about how much you cared about Lena and how important it was to be honest?!” Kara raises her voice incredulously. “After you deliberately drove a wedge between Lena and Supergirl?” Kara continues, shaking her head and beginning to pace.

“Like you’re so much better than me Kara,” James scoffs.

“Oh, but she is,” Lena interjects instantly. “She lied first to protect me and then because she was afraid of losing me. You lied to manipulate me into thinking—I’m not even sure what,” she sputters momentarily. But her unasked question gets answered in James’ mind and Lena finally _sees_ him.

“You wanted to destroy my relationship with Kara,” she alleges, as Kara looks on, horrified at the obvious guilt written on his face.

“You were jealous—first of me—because Kara confided in me, trusted me, believed in me, in ways she’d never done with you. Then of her, because I needed her in a way you knew I’d never need you. So, you used Supergirl against us both. You planted the seed of discord as only you could—because you knew how insecure I felt about Supergirl’s trust in me and you knew how strongly Kara felt about kryptonite,” Lena lays out with increasing clarity.

James tries to interrupt, but Lena speaks over his half-hearted attempts at protestation.

“I spent weeks hating her after I found out. I almost ruined my life because you’d convinced me—with your insidious backhanded comments—that Supergirl never trusted me and if Kara _was_ Supergirl, then our entire friendship must be a lie.”

“James, how could you,” Kara whispers with tears in her eyes.

“Kara, it’s not like she’s making it sound,” James pleads. “I was only looking out for you. She’s not as pure as you’d like to think,” he finally blurts in a last-ditch attempt to convince Kara. “Ask her about L-Corp’s black budget. Mackenzie has a source who discovered something hinky in L-Corp’s accounting.”

To Kara’s credit she doesn’t even glance at Lena before addressing James. “I trust Lena. I believe in her. She is not any sort of villain. But you, James, embody some of the worst traits of humanity. Pride, lust, envy—Lois tried to tell me, but I didn’t listen. She warned me about your constant whining and perpetual insecurity. I asked Kal once—but he wouldn’t talk about it. So, tell me James, why did you really leave Metropolis?”

Kara should’ve predicted his response—after all, when James feels cornered, he takes refuge in self-righteous anger. “This isn’t about me! Your best friend keeps all sorts of secrets and engages in all types of shady behavior but you’re so blinded by her you accept the flimsiest justifications for the things she’s done. She hid Reign, conspired with Lex, synthesized kryptonite, and who knows what else she’s hiding in her black budget.”

Kara just shakes her head at his blatant attempt to vilify his ex.

“Or we could just say she protects the people she loves. Lena’s love, backed by her considerable will and intellect and wealth, saved Sam and _you_, and yes, her brother. But no matter who Lex hurt—you, Kal, me—Lena’s not responsible for his evil. 

I did everything I could to save Astra—and she was just as much a murderer as him. She tried to enslave the human race! What kind of hypocrite would it make me to judge her for saving the people she loves? Lena’s proven—over and over—she’s not a villain. 

If she knew her best friend was Supergirl, I’ve no doubt she would’ve come to me when she realized Sam was Reign. We would’ve talked about my concerns regarding Kryptonite. Lena’s always been braver than any of us. Even with all the distrust and hidden motives, she came to us about Reign _and_ Lex.” And things you know nothing about, she adds in her mind, like trying to kill Edge.

“She’s always seen the bigger picture more clearly than any of us. She was right and I was wrong. If she’d let my fears stop her, you and Sam would be dead and maybe the world killers would’ve prevailed. If she’d cowered behind her mistakes instead of facing them with integrity and honesty, I never would’ve found the base in Kaznia or unraveled the conspiracy at the highest levels of our government.”

“You said you understood,” Lena finally interjects. “You told me it was ‘beautiful’ how I tried to help Sam, regardless of what it cost me,” she reminds him, almost desperately trying to cling to her image of a man she was quickly realizing never actually existed. 

Kara aches for her friend and for herself—it’s never easy being disillusioned by those you care about. She wants nothing more than to take Lena into her arms and hold her and tell her she’ll never give her reason to doubt again. But Lena’s already starting to shut down. Kara can feel it through their link, which Lena’d kept wide open until it suddenly vanished like a door slammed in her face.

“James, I think you need to leave,” J’onn finally intervenes. “It’s a lot to process—for all of us,” he adds firmly as he starts to usher James towards the door. James looks like he’s going to argue, but J’onn’s solid presence at his back seems to subconsciously push him forward. He’s tight lipped and grim faced, but he doesn’t say anything else. 

Alex finally snaps out of the shocked stupor she’d fallen into and opens the door. 

J’onn glances back at Lena and Kara as he follows James out. “Take care of them Alex. They both need you,” he points out gently. Alex just nods and manages to keep from rolling her eyes. Like anyone ever needs to tell her to take care of Kara. 

She closes the door firmly and locks it for good measure before marching to the kitchen and returning with a bottle of scotch to share with Lena and alien rum for Kara.

She takes her first gulp right from the bottle before passing it to Lena, who hesitates but then follows suit. Kara slumps further into the couch before finally taking a sip of rum and then propping the bottle between her knees.

“When did you find out he searched your lab?” Alex asks the question foremost on Kara’s mind.

Lena again glances at Kara before answering vaguely. “A few days ago. We’d been talking about James and something your sister said triggered the idea that maybe he’d searched my vault even though he denied it,” Lena shrugs. "I found it when I reviewed the security tapes."

“He never got into the vault and honestly, it saved his life. If he’d detonated the explosive as he intended, he’d have triggered some of my more lethal security measures. I was determined no one would gain access to the kryptonite. Despite what any of you may have thought, I had no intention of letting anyone use it against Supergirl.”

Kara cocks her head and seconds later she’s in uniform. I’ll be back,” she says offhandedly. “Armed robbery at a liquor store.”

Alex and Lena drink in silence for several long minutes, passing the bottle back and forth.

“So,” Alex drawls, “you must be really angry at us.”

Lena takes a deep breath and sighs it out slowly. “I was—but Kara and I are working through it,” she admits and realizes she’s no longer embarrassed by the idea of forgiving her friends.

Alex looks intently at Lena and seems to come to a decision. “She loves you,” she says determinedly.

Lena cocks her head and stares as if waiting for more. 

“She’s never said it in so many words. But I know my sister better than anyone else on this planet. I have seen her do remarkable things—impossible things. But I’ve seen nothing so extraordinary as the way Kara loves you—with a single-minded conviction nothing anyone says, nothing you’ve done, has been able to diminish. What you choose to do with that love will write an epic tragedy or a love story for the ages, but I know, without doubt, Kara won’t give up on you until one of you is dead.”

They drink in silence for a bit, until Alex becomes convinced Lena will simply ignore her words. But just as they hear the familiar sound of Kara’s flapping cape, Lena whispers, seemingly as an after-thought, “I know.”


	9. The Fatal Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of habit she’d flown by CatCo and spotted Cat Grant sitting out on her old balcony. She shoots down from the sky, delighted at the unexpected appearance of her friend in National City.
> 
> She touches down lightly, grinning from ear to ear. “Cat! What are you doing here?”
> 
> “Looking for you actually,” Cat drawls. Before Kara can even formulate her next question, Cat raises her arm, and in the split second before an energy ray blasts her off the balcony, she sees Cat’s holding some type of space-age gun.
> 
> As she plunges 40 stories, the air feels strange against her skin, numbing. She struggles to make sense of what’s happening. ‘Ms. Grant shot me!’ runs through her mind on repeat even as her rational brain rejects it. 

The next morning Lena wakes with a killer headache and a dry, cottony mouth. She opens her eyes slowly, grateful for the blackout shades in her bedroom that prevent the morning sunlight from streaming through. As she glances at the clock on her nightstand, she finds a glass of water and three extra-strength pain relievers. Kara must’ve left them there last night. She vaguely recalls flying home in Supergirl’s arms, but not much else other than the vague recollection Kara helped her take off her shoes and tucked her under the covers.

She sits up slowly, sharp stabs of pain jabbing her fragile head with her movement. She dry swallows the pills and drinks the entire glass of water before deciding to shower. 

Considering how filthy rich the Luthors are, Lena really lives quite modestly, but her bathroom contains every modern luxury, including a thermostatic shower system with a waterfall head and ten high pressure jets. Her 120-gallon tank water heater system is downright decadent, but she soothes her environmental conscience with the knowledge it’s at least solar powered. 

As she steps into the bathroom, the lights automatically brighten to the blue color spectrum she customed programmed for the mornings in order to kick start her day. Blue light helps boost attention, memory, energy levels, reaction times, and overall mood and she definitely needs all the help she can get today considering her monster hangover.

She spends the next twenty minutes languishing under the heated spray allowing the strong jets to soothe her aching muscles.

She’s mixing her custom electrolyte blend when she hears Supergirl land on the balcony. A minute later Kara enters the kitchen with a bright smile and a box of what smells like Lena’s favorite coffee eclairs from Cafe Rue Serret on the Champs-Elysees.

“You didn’t,” Lena ventures as her grimace turns to a wry smile as she reaches for the box. 

Kara beams as she brings her hand out from behind her back holding an insulated coffee mug. “I did—and a special delivery cappuccino from Pave in Milan.”

Lena waves her fingers in a ‘_gimme’_ gesture as Kara surrenders the mug.

“This almost makes up for the fact you clearly don’t suffer hangovers,” Lena grouses lightheartedly.

Kara faux winces in sympathy, but can’t hide a reflexive smirk. “Kryptonian metabolism—got to love it!”

Lena rolls her eyes as they sit at the breakfast bar to enjoy their breakfast. 

She moans obscenely as she takes her first bite of the absolutely sinful pastry, causing Kara to blush a delightful shade of crimson. Lena smirks knowingly, but keeps munching happily.

They settle into a comfortable quiet, which Lena breaks a few minutes later.

“You didn’t tell everyone exactly how I found out you’re Supergirl. You let them assume you told me.”

“I never told them you tried to kill Edge either,” Kara shrugs. “It would’ve led to questions about Lex and it’s up to you whether you want to tell the team you killed him.”

“Should I?” Lena asks curiously.

Kara had already spent time thinking about the very question so her answer comes immediately.

“No.”

Lena scrunches her brow and narrows her eyes.

“Why?”

Kara takes a deep breath as she considers how to phrase her concerns. “Can you imagine the ammunition you’d be handing James? As it is, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself from flinging him into the sun the next time he tries to convince me you’re not a good person. Alex also tends to have a double standard when it comes to killing humans.”

“Does it bother you?” Lena asks—something about the way she qualified killing humans makes Lena think there’s more to Kara’s seemingly innocuous answer.

Kara gives a sad smile—comforted Lena knows her so well, but not knowing if she’s ready to take off her rose-colored glasses when it comes to the people in her life, especially Alex. But she’d promised herself she’d start facing uncomfortable truths once she’d seen the damage she’d done to her relationship with Lena under the guise of protecting her.

“Yes. Alex is sometimes more cavalier than I’m comfortable with when it comes to hurting aliens. I am so careful, Lena—always cognizant to use the minimal force necessary to subdue an opponent of _any_ species. Anytime I deal with any kind of sentient entity I know a careless swing of my fist could kill them. But Alex tends to err on the side of overwhelming force the minute we’re confronted with any type of alien menace.

I think it stems from the mindset she adapted when she started working with the DEO. Any alien was viewed as a threat until proven otherwise. They _were_ dealing mostly with the Fort Rozz escapees and the majority were out to hurt people, but even with an enemy, violence isn’t always the way. It should certainly never be the default. I try not to judge because I’m mostly invulnerable so I don’t live with the fear of being seriously wounded or even killed the way humans do—,” she trails off.

“But still,” Lena adds.

“Yeah,” Kara echoes, “still.”

Lena mulls it over as she finishes her breakfast, already feeling her headache receding. “I’m not one for oversharing anyway,” she finally says. “You’ve always been the outlier,” she continues. “I’ve trusted you in a way I never trusted anyone—and paid the price,” she says unemotionally. 

Kara knows Lena’s not trying to hurt her and they’re slowly making their peace, but winces internally anyway. She’s reminded again it’s going to take time to undo the damage she inflicted, intentionally or not.

Lena finishes the last bite of her pastry and chucks the box in the trash. “Anyway, I have a conference call in twenty minutes so I need to at least look presentable,” she informs Kara.

“It’s Sunday, Lena!” Kara exclaims, although she’s not really surprised. Lena works most days in one way or another.

“Yes, well the other party’s not exactly accommodating,” she intones with a slight frown. “It shouldn’t take long and afterwards there’s something I want to discuss with you.”

“Okay,” Kara responds, her interest effectively piqued. “What about?”

Lena just smirks as she walks down the hallway towards her bedroom. “Later,” she finally calls out.

* * *

Kara’s cruising the skies of national city a few minutes later when a call comes through her coms from Alex.

“Hey Alex.”

“Ugh,” Alex groans, “how are you so cheerful?” She can practically hear Kara smiling—stupid Kryptonians and their stupid metabolism! Even when they get drunk, they never suffer hangovers. “It’s totally unfair,” Alex complains. It was an often-heard lament when Alex was in college.

“Maybe if you ask nicely Lena will give you some of her custom electrolyte powder,” Kara teases.

“Don’t tell me she’s already recovered?! We drank an entire bottle of scotch last night!”

Kara laughs outright. “It’s Lena, Alex.”

Alex smiles despite her hangover. It’d been awhile since Kara invoked what Alex internally referred to as the ‘Lena mantra.’

“Where are you?” Alex asks as she hears the sound of rushing air intensify.

“I’m near CatCo plaza—the city’s been quiet this morning. Nothing really requiring Supergirl,” Kara grumbles.

“Kara! You know every time you start complaining no one needs Supergirl, disaster strikes! Stop tempting fate before the universe decides to kick our collective asses again!”

“You do realize it doesn’t actually work that way, right?” Kara snarks. “Oh! I have to go Alex—call you later,” Kara abruptly cuts off.

Out of habit she’d flown by CatCo and spotted Cat Grant sitting out on her old balcony. She shoots down from the sky, delighted at the unexpected appearance of her friend in National City.

She touches down lightly, grinning from ear to ear. “Cat! What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you actually,” Cat drawls. Before Kara can even formulate her next question, Cat raises her arm, and in the split second before an energy ray blasts her off the balcony, she sees Cat’s holding some type of space-age gun.

As she plunges 40 stories, the air feels strange against her skin, numbing. She struggles to make sense of what’s happening. _‘Ms. Grant shot me!’_ runs through her mind on repeat even as her rational brain rejects it. But there’s no denying she absorbed some type of blast and as she struggles to focus, she hears everything—more than usual. 

It almost feels good—but it’s _too much_ energy and _too much_ noise and she can barely think straight. She needs to get somewhere safe and instinctively turns towards Lena’s—but she’s moving too fast, out of control, powers overloaded, and the sonic boom shatters the windows on the buildings in her path. As debris rains down on the sidewalks below, she hears people screaming, but she’s afraid she’ll hurt someone accidentally if she tries to land so she tries to focus on slowing down and reaches out to Lena through their link.

_Lena!_

She thinks Lena responds, but it feels like fire’s racing through her veins, almost like kryptonite poisoning. She’s not sure how long it takes, but suddenly she’s crashing _into_ the balcony and Lena’s reaching over to pull her up before she falls again.

“Kara!” Lena shouts as she strains against gravity to stop Kara’s momentum. Even with her newfound strength it leaves her straining and panting for breath as she finally pulls Kara over the railing. She’s not able to cushion the fall though and Kara lands hard, the concrete cracking underneath her.

Kara clings to Lena for a few minutes as they both catch their breath.

“What happened,” Lena asks urgently, eyes probing Kara’s body for any obvious signs of injury.

“Cat—” Kara stutters as Lena strives to make sense of what’s happened.

“Cat Grant? What about Cat?” Lena asks, plainly confused.

“She shot me—with some type of energy gun,” Kara finally explains. “It did something to me. My powers are _too_ strong. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. Nervous. Can’t focus,” she stammers, barely coherent.

“Breathe with me,” Lena instructs calmly. It’s obvious the hero’s headed for a panic attack. “Close your eyes, feel me holding your hands—that’s it, slow,” Lena guides. “Try and relax your muscles, one a time, start with your fingers.” Lena’s voice sounds low and soothing to Kara’s overstimulated ears and gradually she begins to calm.

Lena helps her inside and steps to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. A minute later she finds Kara sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch, her crossed fists each forming a circle with thumb and index finger, left hand in front of right, both fists facing inward. Her eyes are closed and she’s taking in deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

Lena realizes Kara’s practicing some form of meditation, so she sets the glass down on the coffee table and curls onto the nearby arm chair. She wants to be as unobtrusive as possible, but she’s not comfortable leaving Kara alone until she knows what happened.

After about ten minutes, Kara starts a low chant. _Rao, make my journey light. Rao, build my strength._ It last for a few minutes and then Kara slowly opens her eyes and shakes out her hands. She shifts to sit up on the couch and angles herself to face Lena.

“Kara, what happened? You said something about Cat shooting you,” Lena asks, unable to keep the incredulity out of her voice.

“I went out on patrol and I was flying near CatCo when I spotted Cat out on the balcony. I landed and I’d barely said a word before she shot me. She said she’d been waiting for me. I didn’t realize until it was too late, she’d been holding a futuristic weapon of some sort,” Kara explains, barely believing it herself.

“Kara, Cat Grant didn’t shoot you.”

“Trust me Lena, I was shot,” Kara insists while shaking her head.

“I believe you—what I mean though is it couldn’t have been Cat. Kara, I was on a video conference call with her until you called out for me through our link. Cat’s in New Zealand—something about stargazing from the International Dark Sky Reserve.”

“Why where you talking to Cat?” Kara asks, momentarily distracted.

“When I bought CatCo there were two clauses in the contract, which would be triggered if I sold CatCo within five years of my purchase. One gives her the right of first refusal—so she could choose to buy back the company at market value plus 15%. The other gives her the option of purchasing 15% of the tendered stock at market value, which would make her the majority shareholder, in essence giving her control of the company if not outright ownership. 

When Marsden was outed and resigned the presidency, Cat terminated her blind trust. When my lawyers contacted her prior to my entering into negotiations with anyone else, she insisted on talking to me before making any decision. We scheduled the meeting a couple of weeks ago.”

“I saw her about three weeks ago, but she never mentioned anything,” Kara muses.

“That would’ve been before my lawyers contacted her,” Lena clarifies.

Before they get any further Kara cocks her head. Lena realizes Kara must hear something.

“I have to go,” Kara says a moment later.

“Kara, you can’t! You were barely in control of your powers a few minutes ago,” Lena tries to reason, but Kara’s already by the balcony door. 

“I can’t ignore them Lena! Call Alex and tell her there’s an attack downtown,” she says as she jumps into the sky.

* * *

Five minutes after Cat Grant’s conference call with Lena Luthor abruptly terminated, she’s on the phone with her lawyers in National City. Even before the phone call with the CEO, Cat knew she’d already made up her mind. It was time to return to National City. It’s time to stop running. It’s time for the truth—messy, painful, and unvarnished. Just like she’d told Kara.

“It’s very simple,” she’s barking into the phone with the senior partner at her soon to be ex-law firm. “Exercise the buyout clause pursuant to the—,” she cuts off sharply when a barely dressed Amazonian appears in the middle of her living room.

“Catherine Grant.”

“Hold on,” Cat says into the phone. “Someone’s in my apartment begging for a restraining order.”

“You think you’re powerful. I’ve known power since you were a vodka-fueled question on the tip of your parents’ tongues. My name is Selena,” the woman informs her imperiously.

“I don’t know who you are, but no one denigrates vodka like that in my home,” Cat ripostes without thought or an ounce of fear.

“Your media empire supports Supergirl. Starting today, we put her and everyone she knows to the boot. Including you.”

“Really,” Cat drawls with an eye-roll as she points at the woman’s feet, “those boots?”

* * *

“Director Danvers!” Alex hears Vasquez shout. “There’s a disturbance downtown. Scans confirm necrotic-botanical cells, but there’s no match in the database.”

“Get a team onsite and call Supergirl,” Alex barks as she unlocks the armory.

“She’s already responding,” Vazquez informs her as she too arms herself.

As Alex reaches the control room, a huge explosion rings out, and a woman, dressed like a scantily clad empress and trailed by a floating eyeball descends into the DEO. Alex rolls her eyes as she immediately begins firing her weapon. “Now is so not the time,” she snarks to no one in particular.

As her clip empties, the woman simply floats in midair, her green hair flowing behind her, exposed midriff flexing impressively. If she weren’t so obviously a villain, Alex would actually have to admit she’s _hot_.

“Are you done,” the woman asks serenely as Alex runs out of ammo. “Bullets are but wind to the Emerald Eye of Ekron.”

“This building locks down in 15 seconds,” Alex snarls. “What do you want?!”

“Information, Alexandra Danvers, and after this long, I will not be denied.” 

* * *

Kara arrives downtown to find people fleeing down the streets. She’s barely clinging to control of her powers when she feels the same numbing sensation as when she was shot earlier. She falls too fast and lands in a crater of her own making.

As she turns around, she sees what she can best describe as a mammoth, grey zombie, tossing cars and tearing through buildings. He’s clothed in rags and his eyes glow red. He seems to recognize her and growls out her name in a guttural exhale.

“Super…girl!”

“That’s enough!” she shouts authoritatively as she flies straight into his over-sized fist.

“…you punch good,” he grunts, “but you…no Grundy!” He mocks with gravely derision. 

He bats her through the air like a rag doll as she flies around him, trying to bring him down. But she flies way too fast and the vibrations start to crumble the surrounding buildings as people flee in terror. Her head feels like it’s going to explode and its too much and she realizes she’s out of control altogether and this fight needed to end five minutes ago.

“Grundy! This ends _now_, before more people are hurt in the crossfire!” She roars.

As she rears back for another punch, she feels someone grab her fist. She looks over her shoulder and finds a teal-colored humanoid figure with purple hair wearing a grey jumpsuit and cape. 

“You are absolutely right, Supergirl,” the newcomer says as she tightens her grip, “because this does need to end now.”

“What?” Kara asks, buying time as she tries to figure out if she’s facing another foe or perhaps gained an unexpected ally. “Who _are_ you?”

“Indigo. The Woman of Tomorrow—where your _mayhem_ will one day grow _beyond_ imagination,” the woman bites out.

“_One day_?!” Kara questions doubtingly, “how do you know that?”

Kara manages to yank free and fly backwards, but Indigo stays right with her. 

“Unlike Kryptonians,” she continues contemptuously, “I was created to aid the universe without the toxin of emotion. You are out of control. These people fear you. The slipstream of your _heroism_ harms them. I can calculate the potential consequences of my every action in an _instant_. They will _never_ need to fear _me_. You must be reasonable. You know you are dangerous, step aside and allow this city to have a hero they can _trust_,” she finally ends her monologue.

Unfortunately, the bantering allows Grundy to recover and he grips each of them in his meaty fists. “Too much talk, Robot Girl! Always too much talk,” he mutters as he steps through a building, while squeezing his fists tighter, slowly crushing his cargo.

‘Where the hell is the DEO,’ Kara wonders.

* * *

“You want the DEO’s data vault, _Empress_,” Alex taunts as she jumps up on the control center and pulls a knife, “step up to the plate!”

The woman simply turns her back on Alex. “Please director Danvers, you’ll need more than a ‘plate,’” she intones as she flicks her finger and a beam shoots out from the Eye sending the incoming team scattering.

Shielding her eyes from the beam, but never cowering, Alex summersaults over the Eye and lands on the other side of the Empress. “This whole building has auto-defenses, hundreds of agents—”

“All now under _my_ control,” interrupts the pseudo sovereign. “Even cracked, my Emerald Eye of Ekron is all powerful next to your prehistoric encryptions. Ah, here we are,” she gloats as she studies the screen now filled with unencrypted data. “People believe in Supergirl. They wear her symbol, but if they knew what she’s been hiding here, would they still?”

* * *

“I’ll call you back,” Cat finally ends her call as she takes a seat and looks up at her uninvited guest. 

“A sorceress, _Selena_? Adorable,” she taunts.

“I am no mere sorceress, Cat Grant, but the heir to Ataxia, to chaos itself.”

“Already bored,” Cat replies dismissively.

“I get it, I do,” Selena remarks calmly. “For years you built your image to exude _power_. It’s hard to see it _redefined_ before your eyes in _me_.”

“When does that happen?” Cat asks disinterestedly.

“When I force the key codes to your CatCo reporting network from your pedestrian skull,” Selena threatens.

“I’m not sure where you’re getting your news,” Cat redirects, “but I no longer own the media empire that bears my name.”

“Oh, come now Cat. We both know you still retain the keys to the kingdom.”

“You broke into my home,” Cat reminds her blasely. “You think I’ll be doing anything besides serving you a diamond-hard lawsuit?”

“Interesting,” Selena replies, as she brushes her hand over her own face, framing the resulting facade in a vogue pose worthy of Madonna. As Cat watches entranced, her own visage appears on Selena’s head. “Are you sure you know what you’ve _already_ done?”

Cat jumps out of her seat, all stoic pretense discarded. “That likeness is practically libel!”

“What,” Selena asks innocently, “have I been up to as you, I’m sure you’re wondering? _Things Supergirl will never forgive_,” she admits triumphantly.

The look on Cat’s face has brought grown men to their knees. “Okay. You only get five minutes for free. No one threatens me. My interns know more eldritch magic than you and your traveling-show aesthetic. You won’t get the codes you want. What you will get is an enemy that will never stop—”

But she never gets to finish her sentence as Selena finally tires of the exchange. “Already bored,” she throws Cat’s words in her face. “Power of shadow, read her mind,” she croons with a flick of her wrist.

Cat falls to the ground, clutching her head as Selena towers over her. “Ah. There are the key codes. Intriguing diatribe though. I’d throw a quarter in your hat for it on the street,” she gets in a final jab.

Cat slowly props herself up as she watches Selena open a portal and step through. “It’ll cost you a lot more than that,” she promises.

* * *

Kara watches in horror as reporters on the street try to capture the fight on film instead of running to safety. She breaks free from Grundy’s hold at the same time Indigo manages to escape and they chase him together.

“Listen to me Indigo! Someone has supercharged my abilities. You are making this worse!”

“It already _is_ worse! How many times have you nearly destroyed National City battling your own people?”

“I do everything in my power to help people! Every day. You are misreading this and endangering people because of it!”

Indigo responds by attacking Grundy, but before Supergirl can help another figure appears in the sky and Kara immediately recognizes the newly streamlined exosuit.

“Lena! Get out of here!”

“Not without you! You’re lucky you haven’t killed anyone accidentally yet! Communications with the DEO are down and I can’t reach Alex. They’re not coming Kara! We need to get you to my lab at L-Corp so I can run tests. Your energy readings are increasing exponentially.”

Kara knows Lena’s right. Without backup and with her powers doing more harm than good at this point, a strategic retreat is their only option.

* * *

Lena’s studying the readings from Kara’s scan.

“What is it?” Kara asks impatiently. “What was I shot with?”

“Hard to say, but your cells are supercharged. It’s spreading out from the impact site. Each of your cells is using its solar charge like a fission reactor and it’s not stopping. You’re getting stronger—at some point your body will no longer contain the power.”

“Then what? I explode?” Kara asks anxiously.

“Just a hypothesis, but I don’t think we should wait to see if I’m right,” Lena replies calmly.

* * *

“I wasn’t always an empress,” the lunatic du jour lectures Alex. “I was born alone. Orando, my home, offered little to those on the streets. I toiled in the court of our duke, at his mercy, mind and body, for years, until the Emerald Eye of Ekron found me.”

Alex listens, waiting for an opening as the madwoman recounts how she murdered the duke.

“Vengeance unquenched,” she rages, “I hunted my family. The ones that abandoned me as a child. They were all long dead, all but my father—shameful, poor, a scoundrel. My father, after so long, I could not help but understand his desperation, I could not help but love him and just as I found him, the Emerald Eye showed me how I’d lose him—and that I could not allow. 

In centuries a battle between Supergirl and I will kill my father. Just by being who she is—trusting, unwavering, pathetic, Supergirl will rob me of my only family. This world is not as good as she hopes it is. But she’s invulnerable. She doesn’t feel the consequences. But I am owed penance. I have a right to vengeance—but Supergirl and her followers will never see that—they will not stop fighting me in the future.

So, I’ve created my Fatal Five to destroy her here and now, at the foundation of her legacy. I lied to them about their futures to enlist them, but by the time they know? It won’t matter.”

* * *

“We’re going to need Caitlin,” Lena informs Kara. “But we can’t risk transporting you there because I have no idea how passing through the breach might impact your powers. We need to get you to the Luthor’s children hospital and breach Cait there.”

Kara uses the interdimensional extrapolator, while Lena flies them to the hospital. Luckily, they reach Caitlin and twenty minutes later she and Oliver appear in the surgical wing of the hospital. They prep Kara for the robotic surgery. It’ll allow Caitlin more precision, flexibility and control. 

“Okay Kara,” Cait talks her through, much like she did Lena.

“Steady…stay calm…I know it hurts,” she soothes as she guides the robotic arms. “There!” She finally announces as she pulls back and disengages the system.

“Wait. We are done? It’s over?” Kara questions uncertainly.

“That’s the last of the affected cells,” Caitlin reassures her.

“But…I don’t understand,” Kara sputters as Lena strides into the operating room. “It feels like the energy is still _there_. I can feel it. If the procedure was a success, why do I still feel the same?”

Lena reaches her side and takes her hand. “Because the energy _is_ still there, Kara. We stopped the chain reaction—stopped your cells from melting down. The solar charge in your body is stable, but we couldn’t reverse it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, your powers won’t keep surging. But you’re still dangerously strong. We couldn’t cure you, but now you have control,” Lena explains confidently.

“That’s all I need to hear, for now,” Kara decides. “We’re still under attack. The DEO, the city, the people—I need to stop it—no matter what it takes.”

“Not alone you don’t,” Lena informs her as Oliver and Caitlin step to her side.

“Lena—” Kara starts. But the words won’t come. 

Lena reaches out through their link and soothes her with all the emotions she’s yet to put into words. 

_You were right Kara. You and I make each other better._

As Kara stares intently into Lena’s eyes, she knows this is their watershed moment. If she shuts Lena out now, there’ll be no coming back for them. She needs to trust Lena to stand by her side and know her own limits. She’s already proven useful in a fight more than once and in more than one way.

She holds Lena’s hands and leans into her forehead with a soft kiss. “El Mayarah,” she whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot from Supergirl comics (2016) Vol. 3: Girl of No Tomorrow by Steve Orlando.


	10. The Empress & The Woman of Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you know what your mistake was Kara Zor-El? You trusted people. You trusted them to be as good as you. But they are easily swayed—self-interested. Now, when I kill you and take your place, they’ll cheer. You barely fight back, for fear of further hurting them. You cannot win, because you care about these people,” Indigo says as she raises her fist again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everybody & thanks for reading!

As soon as she’s able to lift herself off the floor, Cat’s on the phone with J’onn J’onzz.

“Mulder, it’s Cat Grant.”

“Ms. Grant,” J’onn intones slowly. “What can I do for you?” He doesn’t bother to ask how she got his private number—with her contacts and security clearance, he’s sure the Queen of All Media knows more than he’d be comfortable with.

“I’m in New Zealand and I need to be in National City.”

“I’m not sure how I can help with that Ms. Grant.”

“Look J’onn, Martian Manhunter, the last green Martian, whatever you’re going by these days, I don’t have time to play games with you. Suffices to say, during the Marsden administration my security clearance made me privy to all your secrets _and_ the DEOs and _Kara’s_,” she emphasizes.

“Something’s happening in National City and I don’t have time to fly commercial—so I expect you within minutes,” she demands.

“Ms. Grant, if you know we’re under attack, then you know I need to find Supergirl and Director Danvers and assist, not play Martian Air with you!” He replies exasperatedly.

“I didn’t know about any attack but I was just assaulted by a female Houdini knock-off calling herself Selena, heir to Ataxia. I’ll spare you the details, but she made off with the key codes to the CatCo reporting network, which means she can remote access millions of CatCo subscribers worldwide. Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not wait for the next breaking news bulletin slandering the Girl of Steel. Again. I may not be much with a gun, but I know media and before all is said and done, Kara will need my help!”

J’onn’s heard of Selena, but as far he knew she was being held prisoner in the Subterranean Home of Necromancy and Puritania in Limbo Town. She’s a powerful and dangerous sorceress, whose powers include ectokinesis, summoning, energy projection, teleportation, and telepathy. Her eldritch blast is said to be the most powerful in the known universe.

He knows Cat’s right—the absolute last thing Supergirl needs is another hatchet job in the media. Even though Lex was exposed as the mastermind behind the attack on the White House and the Kaznian invasion, Colonel Haley’s media address only went so far in clearing Supergirl’s name. People are still talking about her alleged attack on congress and speculating on her possible involvement—there are still subtle, but persistent whispers about DEO coverups.

Cat hears him sigh and smirks.

“I’ll leave now. Text me your location, and Ms. Grant—dress warmly,” he adds.

Before he leaves, he tries to reach Alex again, but it seems the DEO’s on lockdown and the building is wreathed in some type of emerald. Kara’s also not answering. As an afterthought, he tries Lena.

“J’onn?” Lena answers on the first ring.

“Lena, I’m trying to reach Kara—the creature that attacked downtown is still running loose and the DEO’s been breached,” he explains quickly.

“She was also attacked—some type of energy blast that basically sent her powers into nuclear overload. We’re at L-Corp, but we managed to get her powers stabilized with a little help from a friend. Whoever did this to her was impersonating Cat Grant. I’m putting you on speaker,” Lena says as she pulls the phone away from her ear so Kara, Caitlin, and Oliver can hear.

J’onn quickly explains his conversation with Cat and Kara fills him in on Grundy. It’s the first time Caitlin and Oliver hear the details about the attack.

“Kara,” Oliver interrupts with some urgency, “I killed the real Solomon Grundy over five years ago. It’s a long story, but his real name was Cyrus Gold. He was affiliated with the Church of Blood and the head of the Zandia Orphanage in Star City. The orphanage served as a base of operations and recruitment center for the church. They were basically a religious cult injecting themselves with mirakuru, a Japanese super-soldier serum created during World War II. Cyrus was the first one injected to survive. The serum gave him incredibly increased strength and reflexes.”

Lena cringes internally as she thinks of her harun-el serum. It seems the different dimensions in the multiverse have more in common than she ever realized.

“Selena possesses the power of summoning,” J’onn informs the group. “Sometimes it’s called conjuration or animation, but basically it means she has the power to call up or create people, creatures or forces. It sounds like Grundy’s been reanimated, probably from a DNA sample.”

“So, this is a coordinated attack on multiple fronts,” Lena surmises. “The question is, who’s behind it all?”

“I have a feeling the answer lies with whoever breached the DEO,” J’onn posits. “I’ll find you all after I get back,” he says as he ends the call.

* * *

Before the group can formulate a plan, the power flashes as the sound of an explosion rocks the building. As they rush towards the entrance Oliver and Caitlin transform to their alter egos, Green Arrow and Frost, as Lena activates her exosuit.

They emerge to find themselves under attack by a cybernetically enhanced soldier wearing a ram’s head helmet, a bandolier strapped to his bare chest, various weapons hanging from a utility belt, and wielding an arrow-tipped staff. A woman fitting J’onn’s description of Selena hovers at his side.

“I told you Indigo tracked her here,” the soldier says smugly.

Selena points at them dismissively, “Fetch, Magog,” she orders haughtily.

Oliver raises his bow as fog begins to swirl from Caitlin’s icy fingers. “Supergirl,” Oliver shouts, “you and Lena get to the DEO, we’ve got this,” he says nodding towards Caitlin.

With a decisive nod Supergirl takes to the skies with Lena close on her heels.

Kara reaches out to Lena through their link.

_If the DEO’s on lockdown, breaking in from the surface will result in a lot of people getting hurt. But there’s a sanitation duct running through the sewer underneath the building._

Lena nods in an agreement. _I’ll follow your lead._

They find the pipe easy enough and although it’s disgusting, they’re through and at the access panel within minutes. Kara lasers an opening through the metal only to find Agent Vazquez pointing a Maaldorian stun gun at her.

“Supergirl,” Vazquez exclaims as she raises her weapon. “I guess you found the door locked?” she quips as she gives Lena a hand up into the DEO.

“What’d we miss,” Kara asks immediately scanning those areas of the building not lined by lead.

Vazquez gives them the rundown on the Empress and her Eye. “The Empress took the building floor by floor,” she explains. “Director Danvers and I were separated after the first explosion. I’ve been trying to find and free the other agents without triggering the automated defenses, which the Empress now controls.”

“But she doesn’t know the inner workings of the building like we do,” Kara points out as she focuses her hearing.

“I hear them. The Empress has them penned on the research level. I think. My hearing’s so sensitive, it’s still overwhelming and hard to focus,” Kara tells Lena.

“I’ll work my way there,” Vazquez immediately volunteers. “You need to find the Empress before she realizes you’re here and turns the building’s defenses against you. I’ll free the agents and back you up.”

“She’s right,” Lena cuts in before Kara can protest. 

Vazquez immediately takes off down the hallway as Lena grips Kara’s hand. 

“Breathe with me like before,” she says in a soothing tone. “Focus your hearing.”

* * *

J’onn lands on the CatCo balcony with Cat and moments later Brainy joins them. “We’ve been locked out,” Brainy points out needlessly as he works to override the lockout code for the building.

Cat rolls her eyes as she rummages in her purse. “I think I’ll call you Sherlock,” she deadpans as Brainy continues to interface with CatCo’s systems.

“You mean to tell me _the_ Cat Grant didn't keep a master override code for the building?” J’onn heckles.

“In a manner of speaking,” she retorts as she pulls out a hammer.

“Right,” he mutters as she smashes the area near the lock and alarms start blaring. 

“Sherlock and I have it from here, Mulder. Find Supergirl,” she commands as if J’onn was one of her many minions. Then again, to Cat Grant _everyone_ is a minion. He shakes his head but doesn’t reply as he jets off the balcony to do just that.

Brainy settles behind her desk as she looks over his shoulder. “You broke in with a hammer,” Brainy comments patronizingly—obviously wondering the point of all the high-tech security if it can be so easily circumvented.

“Nobody locks me out, Sherlock. I have contractors for the door and lawyers for the alarms. Don’t lose focus.”

“Right. Whoever hacked CatCo changed the access codes for admin. We’re locked out, but we need to prevent the queued feed from broadcasting. Whatever’s on the feed, there’s a 99.68% chance it’ll get people to turn on Supergirl,” Brainy estimates.

“CatCo’s subscribers deserve security. The only sorceress who should have access to their devices is _me_,” Cat growls unnervingly.

“_You_? Wait! I think you had it right with the door, Ms. Grant. We can’t get _into_ CatCo, but we can _break_ it,” Brainy enthuses. “With the right attack I can set billions of dummy accounts to try to log on to CatCo at the same time—overload it and yes! The system’s crashing!”

* * *

As J’onn flies over downtown he spots Indigo, who’s caught up with Grundy. As J’onn lands, Indigo punches Grundy, tearing his head off in the process. “Fall monster,” she rages as he collapses in the midst of a crowd.

“Is…is he dead?” Someone shouts. “You _killed_ him?” Someone else questions, horrified.

“Solomon Grundy is but swamp filth given form. He was never truly alive,” Indigo lectures pedantically.

“Who…who are you? Are you with Supergirl?” an anonymous voice asks.

“Do not fear. I am Indigo. On my world heroism is untainted by emotion, a gift to the universe…the perfect union of power and reason. I’ve fought Kryptonians like Supergirl across the galaxy, stemming their wake of destruction. I am loyal only to sentient life, not the needs of my own race. I do not harbor killers. I am the Woman of Tomorrow, and I’ve come to help you get there.”

* * *

As Alex lays sprawled on the floor, the Empress continues to wax poetic. “Slaving under the Duke, knowing death awaited after a short life of torment, I didn’t fear justice, I longed for it. Supergirl and her dynasty patrolled the universe, but when salvation came for _me_, it did not wear an ‘_S_,’ it was an Eye. Supergirl ignored my suffering, but once I was free of it, pillaging the galaxy in service to my Eye, she had no problem standing against me.” 

It only takes Kara a minute to locate the Empress as Lena holds her hand and guides her breathing. “Rao, there she is and she’s not alone!” Kara shouts as she sees Alex lying at the Empress’ feet and races off.

As Kara penetrates the control center the Empress turns to her.

“Supergirl, how are you feeling?” she asks with feigned solicitousness. “Not that I don’t know. Between the CatCo app, my Emerald Eye, and DEO surveillance, I’ve followed your whole day.”

“What are you talking about Empress?” Kara bides her time as she uses her link to make sure Lena stays hidden.

“Family, Supergirl. My Eye saw the future—in the future, soon, _very_ soon, the last of my family will be _torn to shreds_ as you and I battle, and we will battle, because you will not stop _dogging_ me. My father will die—because of you!”

“That does _not_ need to happen Empress,” Kara proffers evenly.

“You _would_ say that—do you know how easy it was to get them to hate you with just a few lies, with just my _knowledge of the future_?” She gloats.

At first Kara’s not sure to whom the ranting madwoman refers.

“The Deprogrammed Automaton, the Mindless Heap, the Failed Sorceress, the Heartbroken Soldier—My Gullible Five.

‘_Indigo, Grundy, Selena, and Magog_’ Kara hears Lena whisper in her mind—and ‘_Cat Grant_. _She thinks she’s turned Cat Grant against you.’_ Lena surmises. ‘_Whatever’s supposed to be broadcast—she thinks it’ll turn Cat against you.’_

“No one believes you’re really as good as you are,” the Empress continues smugly. “They want to believe you aren’t and so your _city_ looks to Indigo, my _puppet_. Magog hunts your peers, Selena’s enchantments blind your cousin to our attack, your own body betrays you. Next, I will take your life. But before I do, I want you to see what I saw in the future. I want you to feel what I felt, staring into the Emerald Eye, I want you to watch your family die!”

“No!” Kara explodes, a burst of raw energy shooting from her chest. “You will not harm anyone else!”

The ball of energy surges upwards, tearing the roof off the DEO building and knocking Supergirl and the Empress into the sky. Lena shoots out after them as the crowd on the street yells.

“_Holy_—the DEO building! Is…is that Supergirl?”

Supergirl and Indigo crashland, leaving a long and deep furrow down a stretch of the street as people start to film on their cellphones.

Supergirl staggers to her feet. “My power surge, Grundy, Indigo and the others…the CatCo hack…this was you, Empress?! Why?! I don’t even know you!”

“You will Supergirl…centuries from now, we are enemies, our battles will cost me the life of my father unless I destroy you here and now,” she yells as she unleashes the power of the Eye.

Supergirl meets the powerful burst of green energy with her heat vision. “If that’s true, you could have come to me, Empress. We could’ve changed things a different way. No matter the future, I have never abandoned _anyone_, and I would not have abandoned you! Compassion means not picking and choosing who you care about, even if you fear them, humans taught me that when I came to earth!”

“No one believes you Supergirl!” Indigo’s suddenly there and slams into Kara, “not after today!”

Suddenly Lena’s in Kara’s mind…

_‘Kara, neither one of them seems to realize the crowd’s not listening to them—they’re just afraid, but whatever the broadcast should’ve showed the people of National City—no one seems to have seen it. I think Cat and J’onn stopped the hack.’_

“Enough, Supergirl!” Indigo screams. “These people know what they hear! They know what they see,” Indigo continues to screech as she teams with the Empress to focus all their energy on the Girl of Steel.

_‘Kara,’_ Lena calls again silently. _ 'I ran a scan…those particles…the dust surrounding the eye. The carbon in it. It’s older than anything on earth…more than twenty thousand years older. But I thought the Empress was from the future.'_

Understanding washes over Kara and Lena at once. _The Eye is the source of her power. She doesn’t use it. It uses her!_

Kara dives for Indigo tossing her into a building and out of the fight, buying herself time to focus all the excess energy in her cells on the Eye.

“Stay back! I’ll incinerate you! How are you even standing,” the Empress laments as Supergirl gradually starts to push back the Eye’s energy, turning it on itself.

“I…thought…you knew me Empress…If…” Supergirl struggles to speak, “…there is one thing…I never do…”

“Stop, damn you! No, you’re hurting my Eye! You can’t,” the Empress screeches impotently.

“…it is STOP,” Kara finally shudders as her heat vision slices through the Eye.

The Empress slowly begins to dematerialize. “I—I had five of them. I was supposed to win this time. I…” her voice gradually peters out as she disappears.

The crowd ringing the battle grows even more confused. “Wait…the green one…she’s gone? Is it over? What did Supergirl do to her?! That woman—the one with the Eye thing…is she dead?” someone yells out as the DEO storms the street.

“No,” Supergirl answers loudly. “Her Eye anchored her here, she must’ve returned to her time, to the future.”

“Time travel? We’re supposed to believe that?” an angry voice questions.

“I do not kill,” Kara stands her ground, but as she spots Alex leading her team, she realizes she needs to deescalate the situation. “Director Danvers! Stand down! You’re making this worse.”

“These people are in danger,” Alex responds. “I’m not worried about making friends.”

“Do you hear them Supergirl,” Indigo asks as she swoops in, knocking Kara off her feet with a solid punch. 

“Your allies talk over those they’re supposed to protect. Luckily, I listen to them,” she says loudly as she delivers punch after punch until Kara’s underneath her, lying on the ground. She grasps Kara’s face in her hands and leans in close, whispering so the crowd can’t hear. 

“Do you know what your mistake was Kara Zor-El? You trusted people. You trusted them to be as good as you. But they are easily swayed—self-interested. Now, when I kill you and take your place, they’ll cheer. You barely fight back, for fear of further hurting them. You cannot win, because you care about these people,” Indigo says as she raises her fist again.

But before she can connect, her fist is gripped in an unbreakable hold. “Perhaps, Automaton,” Lena interrupts, “but I care more about _her_ than I do about _them_!”

As she’s about to deliver what most likely will be a killing blow, she remembers her conversation with Kara about proportionate force and violence being the last resort. So instead of using the laser built into the exosuit, she uses her strength and tears Indigo’s arm off, effectively incapacitating the android life form.

Alex rushes in and takes Indigo into custody as the rest of the agents begin to disperse the crowd. Lena cradles Kara in her arms as clarity slowly returns to her eyes after the excessive beating.

“I’m here, Kara—you’re safe,” Lena whispers repeatedly as Kara rests her head on Lena’s shoulder.

Alex joins them after she’s personally seen Indigo secured in a DEO transport van. “We need to get you to the DEO for an examination, Kara,” she tells her sister gently. “You expended more energy than ever before. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Kara looks to Lena as they communicate wordlessly.

_‘Stay with me?’_ Kara asks.

_‘Always,’_ Lena assures her instantly.

Kara nods her head in acquiescence and Alex gestures to a nearby stretcher. But Lena shakes her head no at Alex and picks up Kara in a bridal carry before gently launching into the sky.

Lena stays with Kara while Alex conducts her examination. “Kara, I’m still concerned about your energy readings. They’re stable, but you’re basically a self-contained nuclear power plant.”

“I know Alex,” Kara says as she grips Lena’s hand tighter.

“I have a few ideas and I’ll conduct some more research,” Lena assures Alex. “We’ll figure it out.”

* * *

By the time they’re done, everyone’s gathered at the DEO for a debrief and compared notes. Frost and the Green Arrow defeated Magog, after which Selena made off with his helmet and abandoned him. She escaped but Magog is now in DEO custody. Before they leave, Lena makes arrangements to return to Earth 1 the next day. They could use a break—plus she wants to pick Caitlin’s brain to hash out some ideas for helping Kara.

Brainy finally hacked into the CatCo servers and restored admin control to Lena, much to Cat’s chagrin. The Empress had compiled files from the DEO secure serves painting a picture of Supergirl’s family as xenophobic conqueror’s. A little truth about Medusa and Myriad wrapped in a deceptive wrapper and the masses would’ve easily believed the Kryptonians were in fact meant to subjugate earth.

As Lena speaks to Alex, she watches Cat approach Kara—slowly, much like one would approach a wounded animal.

Kara opens her arms and Cat falls into them like she’s finally home. Lena feels a sharp pain in her chest and looks away quickly, briefly closing her eyes against the sight like it could erase the memory. But like a train wreck she can’t look away from, she soon turns and observes them in her peripheral vision.

Cat’s shorter frame fits against Kara’s so that the hero’s arm wraps comfortably around her shoulders as Kara pulls her close into a lingering hug, closing her eyes and breathing in Cat’s still familiar scent.

“Kara,” Cat whispers as she pulls away just enough to look into Kara’s eyes. “I heard what happened. I hope you know I would never…”

But Kara hushes her with a finger to her lips and a soft smile. “I know Cat and it means a lot to me that you dropped everything and rushed back to help me. But you know I hate it when you put yourself in danger,” Kara chastises her gently.

“You know I never run from a fight,” Cat reminds her lightly.

“Oh, I remember,” Kara answers with a soft laugh. “But do you really have to chase it?”

Cat just shrugs and they stay wrapped in each other for a minute. “So, do you need me to fly you back to New Zealand,” Kara finally asks. “I know you left abruptly.”

“No,” Cat replies, finally stepping out of Kara’s embrace. “I’ll have my personal assistant make arrangements to have everything shipped home.”

“Home, as in National City, home or…” Kara trails off, afraid to hope.

“Yes, Kara,” Cat confirms with a tender gaze. “I’m coming home. Assuming Lena’s still divesting herself of CatCo, I intend to repurchase my company and retake the reigns.”

“Cat, that’s great!” Kara squeals with undisguised glee.

“Even if she decides not to sell, I’ll be here. I’m still a major stock holder and I think the board could be persuaded to restore me to my post as EIC. The stock price could certainly use an injection of confidence.”

Kara grimaces, not sure what to say. James really did a poor job as CatCo’s steward and she’s sure Cat will have some choice words for him when she sees him again.

“Speaking of the erstwhile CEO, I’m surprised he missed all the action,” Cat comments astutely. James' identity as Guardian was even less of a secret than Kara’s.

“Well things happened kind of fast,” Kara rationalizes.

“Kara, I thought we’d agreed no more charades?” Cat admonishes, but without any bite.

Kara sighs. 

“You’ve outgrown him,” Cat points out. “It was always in the cards, Kara. Plenty of men think they can support a strong woman, but when they actually find themselves standing with one, they feel themselves slowly ghosting out, or desperately trying to quell the very things which make her capable and spirited. Even in a platonic partnership. I saw it everyday at CatCo. Even when he tried not to be, he was condescending and his support was fickle—never a sure thing and only offered when you agreed with his way of thinking.”

“Yeah,” Kara agrees with another sigh as her eyes automatically seek out Lena. But before she can find her, Cat draws her attention again.

“Let’s have dinner soon,” Cat suggests with a gentle press of Kara’s hand.

“I’d really like that,” Kara answers honestly.

“Good,” Cat says as she finally releases Kara completely. “Call me in a few days when things have settled down.”

“I will,” Kara promises. “Oh, before you go, give me a sec,” Kara asks as she waves Alex over.

When Alex walks over, Kara steps away from Cat to speak to her. They have a hushed conversation and Alex nods before she leaves the room. A minute later she’s back with two flat rectangular boxes, which she hands to Kara without comment.

Kara approaches Cat again, but this time it’s obvious she’s a bit nervous.

“After our last visit,” Kara offers by way of explanation, “I had Alex customize these for you. Well for you and Carter. I’d always wanted to give them to you, but I couldn’t really explain why your safety was so important to Supergirl—it’s not like I hand these out to just anyone,” she begins to ramble a bit and Cat smiles as she takes the boxes.

She opens the slightly bulkier one and it's obvious it’s meant for Carter. It’s a rugged g-shock watch, navy blue with red accents. Cat finds the latch and the hidden switch. She’s seen James use his, so it’s easy to figure out.

“He’ll love it Kara, and I think you should know—he’s known your identity since the incident on the train. I tried to dissuade him, but well, you know Carter.”

“Yes, incredibly intuitive and stubborn like his mother,” Kara jokes fondly.

Cat opens the second box and her breath hitches. “How,” Cat murmurs, as she lifts the watch out of the box and looks to Kara with watery eyes.

“When you told me the story of how your mother auctioned off your dad’s belongings without consulting you, I knew I had to at least try to track some of his things down. But, well it took some ‘super’ skills and it would’ve been as good as admitting—” Kara shrugs, not really wanting to say the words out loud. She’ll always be a little ashamed of the way she lied to Cat.

“Anyway, it’s the original watch. I had it restored and then Alex retrofitted the transmitter. She actually designed a new circuit since it had to be miniaturized to fit the smaller gear case.”

“Thank you, Kara,” Cat gets out. The tears don’t fall, but her eyes say it all. To have a memento of her beloved father returned to her is a priceless gift. She’d told Kara the story years before, one night when they’d been working late and Cat had one too many scotches and she’d let her guard down as she too often did with her assistant. To know Kara not only listened, but cared enough to try to undo some of the hurt inflicted by an all too callous Katherine Grant moved Cat beyond words.

She removes the watch she’s wearing and carefully replaces it with her father’s around her wrist. She looks up at Kara and leans in, placing a chaste kiss on her lips, before turning and leaving without another word.

Kara lets out her breath slowly and turns, only to find another set of green eyes watching her impassively. Lena waits a beat before smiling tightly and waits for Kara to join her.

“You ready to go?” she asks coolly.

“Uh, yeah,” Kara agrees. 

They wave at Alex, who’s still wrapped up in a debrief with Vazquez, and Lena insists on being the one to fly them back to her apartment, expressing concern over Kara’s exhausted state. Kara agrees easily, although it’s not often she’s the passenger while flying.

It’s a crisp, clear night and they travel in silence—it’s not exactly comfortable but also not exactly _not_ not comfortable. Kara’s emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Too wrecked to even speculate on what Lena’s feeling or thinking. 

Lena must feel the same since she retires to her room the minute they arrive with nothing more than a soft goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ectokinesis, sometimes called "spirit" or "ghostly" manipulation, is the ability to manipulate and control ectoplasm, the physical substance that comprises the spirit world. Certain characters with this power usually possess knowledge of the occult or some kind of affinity towards mysticism, but this is not always the case.
> 
> Summoning, sometimes called "conjuration" and "animation", is a term used to describe the ability of some characters to call up or create people, creatures or forces in order to assist the summoner. 
> 
> Energy projection, sometimes called "energy manipulation," is the ability to generate and project varying waves of energy from a metahuman's body. Such energy can take the form of concentrated blasts, concussive explosions, waves of force or self-perpetuating beams. These beams can come from anywhere and be used or directed in a large numbers of ways depending on the character whether it's defensive or offensive.
> 
> Eldritch Blast is the power and ability to generate and fire a concentrated beam of pure magical mystical energy at an opponent.


	11. The Cat-alyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Cat is not some consolation prize I’m keeping on the back burner!” Kara retorts. 
> 
> “But you can’t use my love for you to keep me hostage by your side and yet not let me in, Lena. It’s not fair and it’s not right. I can’t keep falling in love with you if you don’t want to try. So, what do you want Lena? ” Kara implores her, tears pooling in her eyes as she stands up and moves closer to where Lena’s tensely bracing herself against the worktable.

Kara wakes slowly, her body shifting towards the sunlight streaming through the large window in the guest suite. As she opens her eyes, she can tell it’s late morning by the position of the sun. It’s rare that she sleeps so late in the morning, usually either an emergency or the sunlight itself wakes her. She decides to indulge in a long shower—the powerful water pressure in the penthouse massages her Kryptonian muscles in a way she can only fantasize about in her apartment.

When she meanders into the kitchen a short time later, she finds fresh coffee in the pot and a post-it note from Lena letting her know bacon and eggs are waiting for her in the warmer. Kara’s mouth waters at the thought of hot food and she woofs it down in short order.

She can hear Lena’s calm heartbeat coming from her office and goes in search of the workaholic CEO.

The door to Lena’s home office lies open and she can see her at the worktable by the window working on some type of circuitry.

She studies her friend’s profile. Lena’s tight ponytail hangs on her shoulder gracing her sharp collarbone on display under the loose tank top she’s wearing. Her brows are scrunched, eyes squinting in concentration, teeth gripping her lower lip in a half-bite sexier than it has any right to be.

Kara shakes her head in an attempt to derail her thoughts before they stray too far into the inappropriate. Sensing Kara’s presence, Lena’s heartbeat quickens, before settling back to its normal rhythm.

“Hey,” Kara says as she walks into the office and meanders over to the small couch. “What’re you working on?”

Lena finishes tightening a screw with the mini precision screwdriver she’s gripping in long elegant fingers. “An upgrade for your kryptonite shield,” she replies as she looks up. 

“Good morning,” she adds politely, but miles away from the normal warmth she reserves for Kara.

“How long have you been up?” Kara asks to keep the conversation going while she figures out how to approach everything that happened yesterday.

“A couple of hours. I figured you needed the rest so I called Alex and she said they’d only call if it was urgent. She’s going to take a run at Magog and Indigo today to see if the DEO can get a better handle on where and why the Empress recruited them.”

Kara looks somewhat relieved, but also a little wary.

“Don’t worry, I reminded Alex to use kid gloves,” she correctly guesses the source of Kara’s concern.

Kara smiles with genuine relief. “Thanks. The Empress is still out there somewhere and even if she’s less of a threat without the Eye, I’d like to find her and rescue her before we become enemies in the future.”

“I know,” Lena offers gently, a little more warmth now suffusing her features.

“Lena,” Kara starts, as she looks down at her fidgeting hands, “Thank you seems really inadequate to express how much it meant to have you by my side yesterday. You held me together in more ways than one and for the first time I felt in sync fighting alongside someone.”

“Well, telepathic communication is certainly an advantage in combat,” Lena responds lightly.

“Sure—although that’s not what I meant. In fact, I worried it might be distracting at a crucial moment, but you seemed to know exactly how to reach out without breaking my focus. But really I meant I’m used to my back-up being as much of a hindrance as a help—either because they bite off more than they can chew and I need to rescue them in addition to subduing an adversary or because I need to stop them from maiming or killing unnecessarily.”

“We make a good team,” Lena admits, almost reluctantly.

“Lena, what’s going on?” Kara finally asks, sensing Lena’s thrown up a brick wall between them and not sure how to tear it down other than confronting the elephant in the room.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Lena replies as she looks away.

“Lena, please talk to me. You’ve been shutting down since last night. Is this about Cat?”

Fire flashes in Lena’s eyes as she leans back against the worktable and glares at Kara. “You tell me.” 

Kara’s a bit taken aback at the abrupt shift in her demeanor. “I care about Cat a great deal,” Kara starts, not really thinking it through since her words seem to infuriate Lena even more.

“That much was obvious,” she says sharply.

“Wait—are you jealous?” Kara asks incredulously.

“Please,” Lena scoffs. “But I do find it curious that a few days ago you tell me you’re in love with me and suddenly Cat Grant blows back into town and throws herself at you and you welcome her with open arms. Literally,” Lena bites out.

“Okay, back up—that’s not what happened,” Kara insists, annoyance beginning to bleed into her tone. “Yes, we were both a bit emotional given the circumstances and it’s the first time I haven’t had to pretend with her after a crisis.”

Lena just stares, a hard glint in her eyes. 

“Look Lena, you need to understand,” Kara implores. “I wouldn’t be the hero I am today without her. Long before I met you, she was there for me. 

Even before I became Supergirl she taught me about being a strong woman in a man’s world and despite strongly suspecting I was lying about my identity, she still offered me a safe harbor where I could express my doubts and insecurities without judgment, as a hero _and_ a woman.

She never pulled any punches, but she taught me it’s okay to make mistakes and I only fail if I don’t get back up again. She taught me about forgiveness. I threw her off the CatCo balcony and caught her inches from the ground on a whim—and do you know how long it took her to forgive me?” Kara asks, a hint of wonder in her tone.

“She never even let me apologize,” Kara explains fervently.

“During the Myriad crises, Max Lord wanted me to explode a bomb over the city that would’ve not only laced the city in kryptonite, but killed over 300,000 people, and for a minute I thought it might be the only way to save the planet—and I _could_ _not_ let earth die and repeat the sins of my family. Marsden authorized it. But it was _Cat_ who reminded me that hope is stronger than fear and _together_ we defeated Non.”

“So, go to her! There’s nothing standing between you now,” Lena responds heatedly.

“Cat is not some consolation prize I’m keeping on the back burner!” Kara retorts. 

“But you can’t use my love for you to keep me hostage by your side and yet not let me in, Lena. It’s not fair and it’s not right. I can’t keep falling in love with you if you don’t want to try. So, what do you want Lena? _Tell me_,” Kara implores her, tears pooling in her eyes as she stands up and moves closer to where Lena’s tensely bracing herself against the worktable.

Lena glances towards the door longingly and for a terrified instant Kara thinks she’s going to walk out, but instead Lena locks her gaze on Kara’s and takes a deep breath.

“If I could ever love anyone—truly, deeply, madly—it’d be you Kara. So, I want you to pick _me_, choose _me_, love _me_. Love me better. Love me harder. Love me so deeply there’re no more secrets,” she begs desperately.

“Then stop punishing us both Lena and _let me_,” Kara implores her.

“_I’m not sure I know how_,” Lena whispers and looks away.

Kara closes the distance between them and cradles Lena’s now teary face in her hands gently. 

“Just _let me_,” she repeats tenderly.

Lena never takes her eyes off Kara’s while she leans in ever so slowly, her breath caressing Kara’s mouth, until finally allowing their lips to meld gradually and delicately. It’s over before it begins and Kara opens her eyes, not even sure when she closed them.

“I choose you—and I'll choose you over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat—I'll keep choosing you,” Kara promises with such utter conviction Lena has no choice but to believe and she leans in again.

But while the other kiss was chaste, this one’s sin and temptation and Kara can feel it to her very core. Lena claims Kara’s lower lip with her teeth, biting sharply, then thrusting her tongue into Kara’s mouth, demanding submission. Kara can’t help the moan that escapes her throat, her body catches fire, and she realizes Lena has the power to possess her and Kara knows she _wants_ it, but not like this. Not on the heels of Lena’s jealousy. Not with so much still unsettled between them.

Kara slows it down and the kiss turns tender, worshipful as she runs her thumb across Lena’s cheek. She pulls back when the oxygen’s left her lungs. She still sees a tinge of doubt clouding stormy kryptonite eyes.

“I promise you _acushla_, my love will roar louder than your demons. _Always_.” 

Lena can’t help the delighted smile that rises unbidden to her lips at the Gaelic term of endearment. She rests her head on Kara’s shoulder as she sinks into the hero’s embrace.

“I know there’s still a lot we need to talk about,” Lena says as she pulls away reluctantly. “But I have to be at CatCo soon. I called for an emergency board meeting this morning,” she explains.

“Oh, is everything okay? Did the hack cause more problems?” Kara asks, concern evident.

“Everything’s fine, darling,” Lena responds with a smile as Kara preens. “I’ve decided to keep CatCo for now, but I want the board to bring Cat on as editor-in-chief as soon as possible. It’s one of the possibilities I discussed with her during our brief conference call, but it requires board approval. It’s a formality, honestly—after they fought so hard to oust her, now they’d sell their children to have her back. Then I’m meeting with James, which I imagine will not be pleasant.”

“Lena, are _you_ sure you want Cat back at CatCo?” Kara asks hesitantly.

“Yes,” Lena replies definitively after a moment. “I can admit, _now_, I bought CatCo for you mostly,” she says with a wry grin, “but it was also a good business decision if I wanted to keep Edge from libeling me and L-Corp and tanking its stock. Now the best business decision means bringing Cat back. It’ll allow me to re-immerse myself in L-Corp projects, including working with you to adapt Kryptonian technologies to earth. Plus, I know she won’t rest till share valuation returns to its previous high. Why sell now when I can make millions more in a year or two?” she shrugs.

“Besides,” she adds with a weary sigh, “my destructive emotional reactions won’t magically disappear even if Cat did—and I get the sense she’d be returning to National City one way or the other.”

“Lena, I—,” Kara starts, but Lena interrupts her with a waive of her hand and a small smile. “I know I’ll shut down again in the future, but I promise I _will_ work on better communication. Just remember, Kara—radical honesty. _We won’t make it otherwise_,” she breathes almost to herself as she walks towards her bedroom.

* * *

As she expected, the board meeting was perfunctory and Lena decides to grab a coffee at Noonan’s before she meets with James. She’s wondering at the wisdom of meeting him alone—not because he’d try to hurt her, James doesn’t have that sort of treachery in him, but because it’s always best to have a witness when firing an employee. Although technically he’s not being fired, Lena doubts he’ll appreciate the difference. But she’d rather not air her dirty laundry, as it were, in front of Cat Grant and she’s the only person who could properly be said to belong at such a meeting.

Then again, she still owns the company and she’s sick of playing by other people’s rules. She reaches for her phone to text Kara, but decides to try something else instead.

She waits until she picks up her coffee and sits at a table in the back, before focusing on her link with Kara. She _feels_ Kara filter into her awareness and she closes her eyes to block out her surroundings. It’s almost like having an actual conversation, but it’s faster and private in a way regular conversation never is even when two people are alone. She lets Kara see the board meeting and asks her to meet her at Noonan’s. Kara being Kara, by the time Lena opens her eyes, she’s standing there with a brilliant smile.

“That was so cool, Lena!” she gushes, scooping the CEO up into a hug, not the least bit self-conscious about her enthusiasm. Lena grins, albeit a bit more conservatively, but she feels a bright bubble of happiness growing inside her—because _this_ right here, is pure Kara and she wouldn’t change it for the world. 

Too bad it won’t last long. She knows James—this will not be pleasant.

* * *

James is sitting behind his desk when Kara and Lena enter the editor-in-chief’s office twenty minutes later. He seems a bit taken aback when he sees Kara, but doesn’t comment, simply gesturing to the chairs across from him with a muted “ladies” in greeting.

But Lena perfected power moves at Lillian’s knee when James was still chasing Superman around with a camera and instead takes a seat at one of the couches and waits. Kara immediately settles to her right, leaving the couch across from them for James.

He hesitates but finally rises slowly and takes a seat. His ass barely hits the cushion when Lena hands him a manila envelope and starts talking. “Inside is a Notice of Action and a revised employment contract pursuant to the terms of the contract you signed when you took over as interim CEO of CatCo. Effective immediately you may return to your previous position as Art Director or you may resign and opt for a severance package as per your original contract.”

He scoffs as he tosses the envelope onto the couch next to him. “So, this is your retaliation.”

“No, James. If I wanted to retaliate, I’d fire you and then use my connections to make sure you couldn’t get a job taking school portraits. This is about your job performance.

You used your power at CatCo to have positive articles written about your masked vigilante alter ego—as Guardian headlines increased and Supergirl covers decreased, so did our stock prices at an inversely proportional rate. See the spreadsheet attached as Addendum A to the Notice. 

You were insubordinate by ignoring me, your boss, when I warned you against trying to meet with a domestic terror group and at no point did you consider what trashing your reputation would mean for our stock price in light of your role as CEO at CatCo. See Addendum B to the Notice for a list of advertisers who pulled their business after you became the poster boy for a violent anti-alien nationalist movement. 

As CEO you had a fiduciary responsibility to the company, which you failed at spectacularly. Either one of those failures meet the legal sufficiency threshold for termination. Instead, if you choose, you can keep your job. Should you choose to resign, your non-compete clause will remain in effect.”

James shakes his head and glares at Kara. “You’re okay with her just ruining my career? After all we’ve been to each other?”

Kara sighs and shakes her head, which James takes to mean she’s not okay with it, but before his frown can turn smug, Kara clarifies.

“James, you made your bed all on your own. You wouldn’t listen to anyone—not to me about the dangers of being Guardian, or Cat when she tried to get you to focus on CatCo, or Lena when she gave you a direct order as your boss.”

“How is my being Guardian any different than you being Supergirl?!”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start, James—but aside from all the reasons we discussed ad nauseum when you finally admitted the truth, my private identity isn’t associated with Supergirl in the general public. Kara Danvers is a just a junior reporter—advertisers don’t care what I do and I get paid to report the news, not run the company.

Yet I will say the one time I used Supergirl as a source, Cat called me from across the world to ream me out very creatively and gave me a lecture on journalistic ethics that made Snapper look absolutely paternal by comparison, all while pretending she didn’t know I was Supergirl.”

Lena doesn’t even try to hide her exasperation. “We’re getting off base here. James, it’s done. I came here to meet with you in person as a professional courtesy instead of having someone from HR do it.”

“You might as well fire me because there’s obviously no way we can still work together,” he snaps.

“Actually, with Sam relocating to Metropolis, I’ve decided to resume my fulltime role as CEO of L-Corp. I’ll still own CatCo, but I won’t be involved in the day to day running of the corporation,” Lena replies off-handedly.

“Oh, so who will be replacing me?”

“Replacing you? Hardly,” snarks a familiar voice as Cat Grant makes a dramatic entrance. “That would imply you actually did the job I entrusted you with—"

Lena glances at her watch as Kara smiles behind her hand.

“If I’d performed as poorly as you the first quarter after I took CatCo public, the board would’ve downed me faster than a bottle of oxy-contin at Rush Limbaugh's house,” she quips as she looks around in disgust. “I warned you when you started parading around like Darth Vader that it would not end well and I am never wrong—just different levels of right.”

“Look Ms. Grant,” James starts to explain.

“No, no—” she interrupts with a flourish. “No one ever excused their way to success. Success requires no explanations. Failure permits no alibis. Now, take the rest of the day off and think about what you want to do, while I get my decorator to make an emergency house call and restore my office to its former glory. If you’re staying come back tomorrow ready to do your job as Art Director, otherwise have a nice life.”

“You know I really don’t appreciate being ambushed—” he starts and in an instant Cat goes from playfully vicious to unapologetically cruel. 

“And I don’t appreciate you denigrating my life’s work by treating it like an afterthought while you ran around playing dress up with toy man junior. I gave you a voice to hold powerful institutions accountable and you treated it like an inconvenience. Yet it wasn’t your vigilante antics that saved the day—in the end it was the fourth estate, without which your amateur heroics would’ve been meaningless. Now. Get. Out. Of. My. Sight—and thank Kara you still even have a job!”

Kara looks away from the carnage, knowing from experience what it feels like to be on the receiving end of Cat’s wrath and feeling genuinely bad for James, even though she stands by what she said. Lena just observes stoically, having decided after the night at Alex’s not to spend anymore time on James than necessary. 

The three women sit in silence while they watch him walk to the elevator and until the door slides closed in front of his impassive face.

Lena turns to Cat, “So do you think he’ll be back?”

Cat takes a deep breath as she pours herself a drink. “Probably. Self-righteousness is to James like, well, catnip, as much as I loathe cat puns. One way or another, he’ll be back.”

* * *

“So, what did you think about Oliver’s suggestion?” Lena asks as they lounge on the sofa in the penthouse, takeout containers spread out on the coffee table.

They’d just gotten back from Earth 1 where both Lena and Kara received a clean bill of health, although Kara’s powers remain inordinately elevated, they’re still stable and little by little she’s mastering control of them again.

“I believe in the benefits of meditation but if tracking down I-Ching to learn the precepts of Baguazhang means encountering yet another version of Clark, mandarin Superman or whatever, I think it’ll be a hard pass.”

“Kong Kenan,” Lena corrects with a grin.

Kara cracks up laughing. “I’m sorry I really don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I was annoyed with Cat about the Supergirl branding—but Kong?! I’ll never complain again—but don’t tell her that,” Kara says, emphasizing her point with her spoon. 

“Plus, visiting Prime Earth sounds like asking for trouble. I will, however, start meditating again. Praying to Rao used to be very centering for me—I’d like to find that measure of peace again and I think it will help me control my powers.”

“So long as you don’t decide to start another cult, I think it’s a good idea,” Lena jokes.

“Lena! I did not start the Cult of Rao!” she shudders, remembering Coville’s warped version of her faith and all the people it hurt.

“I know,” Lena smiles, “I’m just teasing you. But actually, Kara, there’s something I need to tell you,” she adds as her smile vanishes.

Kara sets aside her empty plate and places a hand on Lena’s knee as she turns to face her. “Of course, you can tell me anything, you know that,” Kara reassures her.

“You never asked me what James meant, when he brought up Mackenzie’s source the other night.”

“I figured you’d tell me when you were ready,” Kara shrugs.

“I think if I waited until I was ready, the time would never come—but you’ll need to know when James tries to expose me.”

“Expose you? Lena, what’re you talking about?”

“When I started working with the harun-el, there came a time when any further progress became contingent on a human trial,” Lena explains and waits for the look of judgment to steal across Kara’s face. But it never comes. Kara just looks a mixture of confused and concerned.

“Let me just show you,” Lena decides as she closes her eyes and takes Kara’s hand. As they’ve been adjusting to the bond they now share, Lena’s found it helps to communicate emotion when they’re physically touching.

Kara takes a cleansing breath and closes her eyes, clearing her mind, while she reaches out to Lena and watches as the story of Adam unfolds. When she opens her eyes again tears are streaming down Lena’s face as she sits watching Kara, like a condemned prisoner awaiting their sentence.

Kara gathers her into her arms without hesitation and holds her tight—glad she no longer has to worry about hurting Lena with a careless hug.

“Oh, Lena, I’m so sorry my love.”

“You’re not disgusted with me?” Lena asks, the sound so small it breaks Kara’s heart all over again.

“Of course not. Lena, clinical trials are a necessary part of the process when developing any new treatment or medication. Yes, you circumvented several laws, obviously, by not going through proper governmental channels, and I’d caution against making yourself sole arbiter in these types of situations, but Adam gave his informed consent.”

Kara leans back to look Lena in the eyes. “Listen to me Lena, the crucial ethical consideration in these types of trials is that individuals like Adam be treated with respect for their dignity and not used merely as a means for others’ ends. You did that for him.”

Lena looks at Kara with a bit of awe almost afraid to accept the absolution being offered. “What, did you forget I too come from a family of scientists?” Kara chides gently.

“I also know, from Alex, that Haley was breathing down your neck to accelerate the development of the serum yet you refused to bow to her constant pressure to use it on soldiers before it was ready. Lena, this is what you do—you make the hard choices and you do it with more integrity than anyone else I know. But you’re not alone anymore. You can talk to me and Alex and J’onn or Brainy and Nia so you don’t bear the burden of these decisions in isolation.

As for James, it won’t be an issue. However it started, your development of the harun-el became a military project protected under national security the minute you signed on as a government contractor. I’m sure Haley, as the new acting Secretary of Alien Affairs, will have no problem classifying it if it’s not already, thus prohibiting CatCo or any other media outlet from reporting on any aspect of your research, including funding.”

“Don’t you think Cat Grant will balk at the blatant censorship?” Lena asks astutely.

“Lena, Cat’s kept more stories from seeing the light of day than anyone would guess. She’s extremely adept at balancing the public’s right to know with the secrecy required by legitimate security concerns. In fact, she was a key player in developing the Tshwane Principles on National Security and the Right to Information. James doesn’t stand a chance. 

Besides, he’d never be allowed to report on the story himself—it’d be a blatant conflict of interest since he personally participated in the project. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already subject to an NDA—Haley’s a stickler for rules and I’m sure she had someone track him down to sign one as soon as she learned of his involvement. Let the experience guide your future decisions, but don’t get bogged down in useless and unwarranted guilt. You made the best decision possible given the circumstances,” Kara insists intently.

Lena nods her head in agreement, even though Kara can see she’s clearly not letting herself completely off the hook, which is probably a good thing all things considered and another important difference between Lena and the rest of her family. She understands moral outcomes can’t be justified with immoral acts. 


	12. Want To Feel Burning Flames (when you say my name)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kara—there’s something I need to say and I need you to hear me,” she says intently.
> 
> “Of course,” Kara replies confidently.
> 
> “I don’t share. If you’re in—I want all of it. Honesty, trust, commitment—I am yours and you are mine. I want your fidelity—eyes, mind, heart and soul,” Lena demands possessively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the rating change folks! Things took a turn...
> 
> Also, it's really late here, so proof-read tomorrow. 
> 
> Finally, this is the first story I complete in almost two years, so thanks for sticking with me through the end!

Arriving at CatCo the next morning, Kara wonders if she’s stepped into an episode of the Twilight Zone. Cat Grant’s sitting at the assistant’s desk outside her office with the phone clamped between her ear and shoulder, taking notes with one hand and verifying her schedule on the computer with the other.

She spots the coffee in Kara’s hand and looks at it imperiously. Kara places it in front of her and waits for her to finish her phone conversation. Cat finally hangs up with a curt ‘make sure of it!’ and takes a grateful sip of her usual, not in the least surprised Kara still remembers or that she took the time to fetch it this morning even though it’s no longer her job.

“Good morning, Kara,” Cat eventually greets her with a sly grin.

Kara sighs happily. “Wow, that’ll take some getting used to,” she replies.

“Come now, you know I’ve always known your name,” Cat teases.

“Oh, I know—but I don’t think you used it more than a handful of times the entire time I was your assistant.”

“Well, you hadn’t won a Pulitzer then,” Cat replies.

“Wait, won? I won?” Kara squeals.

“Yes, well, act surprised when the committee contacts you,” Cat commands with a wink.

“Why are you answering your own phone?” Kara segues as she nods. “Didn’t the temp agency send an assistant? I arranged it yesterday.”

“Yes, well, they sent a body—one without brains and a bad cough. I sent her on her way before she could start the next plague. You know how I feel about germs,” Cat says with a shudder.

“Yes, Ms. Grant, I remember,” Kara says while hiding a smile.

“I thought we agreed you’d call me Cat?”

“Well, we’re at the office, so I didn’t want to presume,” Kara admits, a little surprised.

“Hmm, presume away,” Cat offers with a wave of her hand. “Actually, do you have time to meet? There’s a few things I want to discuss with you.”

“Of course. Let me call down to HR and have them arrange for another temp,” Kara says as she reaches for a phone.

“No, just have them send up resumes for the assistant position. I can’t believe James never hired someone after the little blond saboteur defected to L-Corp. No wonder he couldn’t keep up with his responsibilities,” Cat rants. “I’m sure there’s someone here who can cover for the next few days.

Not you—” Cat adds just as Kara starts to volunteer. “I have more important things for you to work on.”

“I’ll get Nia,” Kara decides without objection from Cat, which Kara knows equals approval.

She follows Cat into her newly decorated office. Although she kept the more streamlined look for the monitors, the colors reflect the neutral aesthetic preferred by the media mogul and the layout’s comfortingly familiar.

“Wow, that was quick,” Kara remarks as she looks around.

“Yes, well I couldn’t possibly work with the hunting lodge ambiance James had going on in here.” She walks over to her desk and picks up a small box, which she hands over to Kara unceremoniously.

Kara looks at it, then back to Cat, but she just gestures to the box. Kara opens it and finds business cards. Her new business cards, evidently. Along with her contact information at CatCo, there’s a new title under her name. News Editor.

“Cat,” Kara starts, unsure how to express her gratitude. Typical Cat, she waves away Kara’s obvious appreciation. 

“You earned it and you’ll keep earning it,” she warns. “You’ll have your own column in addition to editorial responsibilities, but it will give you more flexibility in terms of your schedule since you’ll only answer to me. You’ll have Snapper’s old office, but you can keep the one you have now for when you need more—privacy.

You _will_ still have to work with James, but he’ll be your peer, not your boss—I assume it won’t be a problem?” Cat inquires shrewdly.

“Not for me,” Kara shrugs.

“Speaking of which, he was already in here this morning, pitching a very interesting story.”

Kara sighs as she takes a seat on one of the new couches as Cat sits across from her. “I take it you know which one I’m talking about?”

“I have a strong suspicion,” Kara comments vaguely.

“Well, I informed Mr. Olsen he couldn’t possibly investigate the story, mainly because he’s an art director not a reporter or even a photo journalist anymore, but also because I suspect he’s a little more involved than he let on.”

“Oh, he’s smack dab in the middle of it,” Kara admits.

“Yes, it seems all of my best reporters more than likely would have to conflict out—you, Ms. Nal,” Cat adds pointedly. “It seems the only person around here qualified and conflict-free would be me. Now, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Contact Colonel Haley, the interim Secretary for Alien Affairs,” Kara recommends.

“Oh, we’ve met,” Cat assures her. “She was going to be my first call anyway. What do you expect Colonel Haley will tell me?”

“I suspect she’ll fax over an injunction before you’ve hung up the phone citing the national security exception to the prior restraint doctrine. Knowing Haley, she’s already filed something with the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court and has the injunction waiting for the second there’s even a whiff of media attention regarding the matters James’ has brought to your attention now.

You should know, he ordered Mackenzie to bury the story when she first brought it to him. As I’m sure you’re aware, he was for a time romantically involved with Lena. It seems the story only became newsworthy after she ended their relationship and after I informed him Lena was aware of my secret identity and thus going forward, she would be privy to matters pertaining to my uh, extracurricular activities,” Kara explains as tactfully as possible.

“He seemed to conveniently leave that part out,” Cat confirms. “But Kara, off the record, between you and me, are you willing to risk your reputation, as both the Pulitzer-prize winning journalist who uncovered corruption at the highest levels of government, and as a hero, on the fact that L-Corp didn’t engage in any wrongdoing?” Cat asks intently.

“Yes. I am,” Kara answers resolutely. “Unlike James, I know the underlying specifics of the accounting irregularities Mackenzie’s source uncovered, but Cat, that’s all I can tell you. I’m not asking you to bury anything, but I am asking you to trust me—when Haley quashes the story—let it go.”

Cat studies her intently for a moment, but doesn’t press, seemingly satisfied by whatever she sees in Kara’s eyes.

“Which brings me to my next question—I take it everything went well after you spoke to Lena about discovering your identity?” She asks with genuine concern.

“We’re working it out,” Kara answers honestly. “She’s hurt, understandably so, and she was extremely angry for a bit, but we’ve been talking it out and we’re on track to repairing our friendship,” Kara says with a slight blush.

Cat didn’t win her own Pulitzers without being able to hear what someone’s _not_ saying and it hits her like a punch to the gut. She finally found the courage to come back to National City and it seems she’s too late. She’s already lost before she even begun to fight.

She left National City because she was afraid of falling in love with her young assistant and nascent superhero. But it was too late. It took her months to finally accept she’d waited too long. She was already in love and time and distance did nothing to diminish the feelings. But she’d already made too many decisions out of fear. Regardless of the outcome, she owes it to herself to at least once, tell Kara she loves her.

“So—I’m too late,” Cat guesses self-deprecatingly.

“Too late?” Kara asks softly, not wanting to assume but suspecting where the conversation’s leading.

“You love her,” Cat states bluntly.

Kara can hear the sounds from the bullpen behind them and wishes they’d not started this conversation here. But it’s started and whether it’s here and now or later and somewhere else, it won’t be any easier.

She stands and reaches a hand out to Cat, which Cat grasps after a moment. Kara leads them out to the balcony and they stand in their familiar spot looking out over the city they both adore.

“I do,” Kara finally says quietly.

“I suspected, when you came to see me a few weeks ago, but I convinced myself you were just close friends. I thought maybe it was unrequited. Hoped really,” Cat sighs.

“Hoped?” Kara asks, eyebrows scrunched.

“Yes, the great Cat Grant succumbed to the most ordinary of clichés and fell in love with her assistant. It seems it’s not just a foible of white male privilege,” Cat jests lightly, but there’s little humor in her tone.

“Don’t do that,” Kara replies heatedly. “Don’t demean your feelings or me by treating this like a joke!”

“Kara,” Cat immediately soothes, “I’m sorry. This is very difficult for me,” Cat excuses.

“You know what was very difficult for _me_, Cat? When you left so abruptly and disappeared for over a year, until suddenly there you were during the Daxamite invasion. You ghosted me that first year. No emails, or phone calls, or even a text. You hurt me, Cat—more than you know.”

“I was afraid Kara—you’re so young, with so much on your soldiers. You didn’t need to be saddled with my baggage too.”

“Shouldn’t that have been my choice?” Kara bites out, eyes tearing. “I practically begged you not to go. I told you how much I needed you,” Kara remembers, voice breaking.

“I know,” Cat whispers. “I’m sorry. I was wrong and I regret it. But I do love you Kara. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been in love with you since 10:15 on that fateful morning when you insisted there was nothing special about you—but I knew even then you’d be extraordinary,” Cat finishes with a sad smile.

“I loved you too,” Kara divulges.

“But—” Cat says as she waits for the axe to fall.

“No buts. I still love you, but I’m _in love_ with Lena.”

“We missed our chance,” Cat says wistfully.

“You know the last thing I want to do is hurt you Cat—but yes. You chose to leave and I chose to let you go. But Lena—she’s not a consolation prize. I really am in love with her.”

“I understand,” Cat says with a strangled sob. “I’ll adjust.”

“I did,” Kara says, not unkindly, but firmly. “I want you to stay Cat, but if this changes things, for you, I can take a leave of absence—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Cat interrupts as she regains her composure. “I still very much want to be your friend Kara—and I want to stand with Supergirl and help in any way I can. We’re adults and it’s not the first time I’ve broken my own heart, unfortunately,” she says with a defeated sigh. 

“Now, get out of here—we both have work to do,” she orders.

“Will you be—” Kara starts to ask.

“I will be—” Cat assures her. “I’m fine alone,” she adds with finality.

Kara nods her head once, but offers a quick hug before she leaves. 

As much as she wants to, she knows she’s not the one who can console Cat now. Hopefully Carter’s also back in National City, although she didn’t get a chance to ask, she knows Cat would never have returned without him. He’s almost 16 now and even at 12, he was his mother’s greatest supporter and emotional anchor. Cat will be okay because Carter needs her to be—and nothing’s more important to Cat than Carter. 

She knows there’s nothing to feel guilty about—Cat chose to leave and eventually life went on…yet her heart still aches for Cat and for what might’ve been. But there’s no doubt in her mind, she’s in love with Lena and hope fills her at the thought of the future they’re just starting to build.

* * *

Kara’s happily surprised to find Jess back at her old desk outside Lena’s office.

“Jess!”

“Kara,” Jess greets her with a fond smile. 

“What are you doing here?!”

“Well, evidently finding a qualified executive assistant, who can also be trusted, is not as easy as you would think. Ms. Luthor made me an offer I didn’t want to refuse, so here I am,” Jess says with a happy shrug.

“That’s fantastic, Jess.”

“Yes, we’ll have someone else answering the phones and doing general secretarial work so I can focus on providing support for Ms. Luthor’s sensitive projects in addition to liaising with the Board. It’s a promotion for me and hopefully a welcome relief for her,” Jess adds.

“Well, then I guess we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other again,” Kara says brightly.

“Yes,” Jess replies with a knowing grin. “I’m sure we will.” She glances down at the phone and gestures to Lena’s door. “Go on in, she just finished a conference call with a potential investor. I’m sure she’d welcome the break.”

Kara nods eagerly and she’s at the door before Jess even blinks. ‘_I’d forgotten how fast she moves_,’ Jess thinks to herself as Kara disappears through the doorway.

“Kara,” Lena says with evident relief as she comes around her desk.

“Hi, I’d thought you could use lunch. Hungry?”

“Yes, actually, but I’m swamped,” she says with disappointment.

“I figured. I ordered from that vegan place you like,” she says just as there’s knock on the door. A moment later Jess comes in with three bags of food. She sets them on the table on the balcony as Lena thanks her with a smile.

“Excellent timing,” Lena comments as they move outside.

“I wanted to make sure you ate. I know you only grabbed coffee this morning,” Kara scolds gently. “The owner recommended today’s special so I hope you like it—it’s a blackened tempeh wrap. It has avocado, radishes, pickled onions, and your dreaded kale,” Kara sighs dramatically.

“You mean _your_ dreaded kale,” Lena jokes, “I love kale.”

“No one’s perfect,” Kara teases with a smile.

They eat silently for a few minutes and Kara soaks in the sun. Ever since she was supercharged, absorbing the sun tingles pleasantly. The first time she felt it she feared it meant she was absorbing too much yellow sun radiation, but Lena ran several tests and confirmed her cells where holding the increased charge without breaking down.

“So, you rehired Jess,” Kara comments idly.

“More like lured her back with an obscene pay raise and a ridiculous benefits package, but having someone I can trust watching my back in this nest of vipers is priceless. Oh, before I forget. You should probably get Alex to have her sign an NDA. She knows you’re Supergirl—and no, I didn’t tell her. But I did read her mind when I met with her earlier and she definitely knows. You might want to try slowing down.”

“Alex will kill me—plus she already thinks I do a poor job at hiding my identity,” Kara sulks.

“Yes, evidently I’m the only idiot who can’t see beyond a ponytail and a pair of glasses,” Lena grouses.

“Lena—” Kara tries, but gets waived off. “I’m over it. Mostly. It just stings a little—I mean I spent a considerable amount of time with both your personas, but I’m learning to laugh about it. Anyway, how was having Cat back?” She deflects.

“Like a shot of adrenaline,” Kara chuckles. “Her office was already redecorated by the time I arrived this morning and she’d already fired the temp. Nia’s covering the assistant position for a few days while she interviews candidates for a permanent replacement. She worked with Cat in DC so she can handle it without melting down at least. James seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in the supply closet,” she adds with a smirk.

“So, he decided to accept the demotion?” Lena phrased it more diplomatically when she met with him, but there’s no point mincing words with Kara.

“Well, I’m not sure ‘accepting’ is the word I’d use. First thing this morning he pitched Cat the L-Corp black budget story,” Kara reports with a slight grimace.

“What did Cat tell him?” Lena asks impassively.

“She told him he was an art director, not a reporter or even a photojournalist, which had to have stung, knowing him—but that she’d look into it. As we expected, she spoke to Haley and CatCo was served with an injunction from the FISA court prohibiting us from investigating or reporting on any matters involving L-Corp contracts.”

“Do you think she’ll drop it?”

“I’m not sure—I mean there’s room for CatCo’s legal team to argue. All they have is a tip about an accounting irregularity in L-Corp’s budget. They have no way of knowing it’s related to the harun-el project or even related to any government contract. James doesn’t know it either, so you may want to consider telling him and maybe the fact you saved his life will get him to drop it,” Kara sighs.

Lena considers it for a moment, but shakes her head decisively. “No, it wouldn’t. It would just give him a thread to tug at—I think we’ll wait and see for now. Did Cat indicate whether she’d pursue it after she spoke to Haley?”

“No. I doubt we’ll discuss it again. Cat’s ethics are iron-clad—she knows we’re close,” Kara trails off.

Something in her voice makes Lena look up. “Is there something else?” she asks perceptively.

“Not about the story, but—” Kara sighs, unsure how to continue, but knowing she _must_ tell Lena about Cat’s revelation. Lena doesn’t push, but her stare grows more apprehensive the longer Kara stalls.

“I think we should discuss this when neither one of us is at work—” Kara decides, but she can tell by the jut of Lena’s jaw, she’s not going to let it go so easily.

“Kara—,” but before she can finish her sentence, Kara’s cocking her head, listening to something Lena can’t hear and Lena knows there’s no point arguing. “Just go—but we will talk about this tonight,” she adds as Kara flies up into the sky, already in uniform.

* * *

Lena walks into the penthouse after a grueling day, wanting nothing more than a hot bath and a glass of wine and maybe a light supper before bed. She drops her purse and takes off her shoes by the door. 

As she walks down the entryway she realizes there’s a wonderful smell emanating from the kitchen and she makes her way there curiously, wondering what Kara’s been up to in her absence, still a little ticked off their conversation was conveniently cut short by a Supergirl emergency—but she saw the fire on the news, so she can’t exactly be angry Kara rushed off.

“Hey,” Kara looks up as she finishes pouring a glass of wine. “What’s all this?” Lena asks with a tired smile.

“I maybe asked Jess to text me when you left the office so I could get dinner for us,” she says a bit shyly. Although they’ve been staying together for several weeks now, Kara’s still feeling her way around Lena’s space—trying to respect boundaries without being awkward.

“You don’t have to cater to me, you know,” Lena says kindly.

“I know—but I like doing things for you and it’s not a big deal, really—just Italian from Bestia’s.”

“I didn’t realize one of the best Italian restaurants in National City offers take out, especially since it’s almost impossible to get a reservation—even for me,” Lena teases.

“Well, I may have helped them out when one of their pipes burst in the kitchen and saved them weeks of having to shut down for renovations,” Kara admits sheepishly. 

“I have definitely been missing out on the perks of being Supergirl’s best friend,” Lena jokes playfully and Kara’s smile lights the room.

“Imagine the perks of being Supergirl’s girlfriend,” Kara flirts with a wink—it’s so uncharacteristic it leaves Lena flummoxed and for a change she’s the one blushing.

“I just got us a few small plates, a salad for you of course, and the branzino. Genevieve insisted on sending a bottle of Contadi Castaldi Franciacorta Brut—she said and I quote, ‘it will sail with the branzino—’ whatever that means.”

“I should get used to the fact you befriend powerful women anywhere you go, shouldn’t I?” Lena asks, somewhat resigned.

“I befriend all sorts of people everywhere I go, Lena—I’m like the golden retriever of superheroes,” Kara says humbly.

“Speaking of powerful women,” Lena latches onto subject like the proverbial dog with a bone, “what happened with Cat today?”

“We sort of stumbled into a conversation about—” Kara flails for how to phrase Cat’s love declaration, but ends up sighing deeply before pulling out a chair at the breakfast bar and plopping down into it. She slides the wine she’d poured over to Lena and gestures to the chair next to her.

“Sit—please,” she amends.

Lena pulls the chair closer to Kara and sits, taking her hand as she does so. “Kara, I know I’ve been giving you a hard time about—well, most things—but if _this_—if _we’re_ going to work, you should know you can talk to me about anything and I’ll try to be as openminded as possible. I’m trying to curtail my kneejerk defensive reactions. I promise. Just tell me.”

“Cat told me she’s in love with me,” Kara explains plainly as she lets the memory of her conversation with Cat flow over their connection.

Lena sits quietly sipping her wine for a few minutes as she processes. Kara doesn’t push her to talk and instead sets about serving dinner. They eat in silence, but Lena reaches out and takes Kara’s hand for a moment, squeezing it gently.

Kara figures it could’ve gone much worse and although she’s itching to talk, for Lena to say something, _anything_, she bites her tongue and waits. When they’re done with dinner, Lena excuses herself to change her clothes while Kara super-speeds through the cleanup.

Lena joins her on the balcony a few minutes later.

“You still love Cat,” she starts without preamble.

“Yes,” Kara doesn’t even try to dissemble. “Just like I still love Mon-El. I’m not the kind of person that stops loving people Lena. A part of me will always love the people who’ve touched my life. 

I struggled for a long time to repress my feelings for you—to channel them into friendship and an alliance. A Super and a Luthor—it carries so much _weight_.

The day we met—I had no idea what to expect. Clark just assumed you’d be implicated in the Venture crash and I was so desperate for him to finally take an interest in my life,” she sighs ruefully. “Then you looked at me and I—”

“You were tongue-tied and nervous, as I recall,” Lena remembers with a smirk.

“Well, yes—that too,” Kara blushes remembering what a stuttering mess she’d been, “I’m not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But something changed. I felt something click into place even if I couldn’t identify what or why.

I broke up with James just hours later. I already knew I’d made a mistake with him—I had feelings for Cat, but I’d known that for a while. Then the next day, after the attack, you looked at me and basically told me you believed I already _was_ a reporter and I left L-Corp and went and told Cat that’s what I wanted to do. Not because you said so, obviously, but because you gave me the strength to believe in myself. 

A few days later she tells me she’s leaving—and I thought about telling her the truth, about how I felt and that she was right about me being Supergirl. But I didn’t. I let her go and I didn’t try to stop her.”

“Do you think she would’ve stayed for you?” Lena asks, curious despite herself.

Kara shrugs. “Probably not—but if I’d told her, she might’ve come back for me a lot sooner and who knows?

But as you and I got closer, everything hurt less and as I got to know you, I began to realize beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. It pained me—every time someone attacked you or maligned you and it finally dawned on me. I was in love. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn’t matter to me. All I wanted was to deserve you.”

“But you chose Mon-El,” Lena reminds her pointedly.

“Yes. But I didn’t choose Mon-El over you, Lena. I never thought you were an option. On paper, he made sense. Alien. Check. Lost planet. Check. He loved me. Check. And you know what? Mon-El never tried to tell me you were evil and he supported my defense of you every step of the way. He was the only one I could talk to about the whole Super-Luthor saga and he listened and was supportive and maybe that shouldn’t have meant as much as it did-but he gave me room to love you too. I didn’t have to choose.

But my point is Lena—you might not have been my first love, but you’re the love that makes all the other loves irrelevant. I’ve never had a moment’s doubt—I love you and I believe in you completely. You’re my reason—whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.”

“How can you be so sure your feelings won’t change?” Lena asks with a hint of desperation.

“Because Lena, love starts as a feeling, but to continue is a choice and I find myself choosing you, more and more every day. You asked me to choose you and I have and I’ll continue to do so, but you have to choose me too, Lena.”

Lena reaches for Kara like she would otherwise drown, pulling her onto the nearby couch until Kara’s straddling her. She swallows Kara’s moan at the touch of their lips. 

Lena _aches_, a hollow emptiness inside her. She’s more conscious of Kara than she’s ever been of anything or anyone, of her sparkling blue eyes, bubbling with hazing richness, gazing at her from under lush lashes, her hair loose and framing her face, lips succulent, and more than anything else of her mouth, the crescent shape of it, the slight dent in the center of her bottom lip. 

She tugs Kara’s lower lip gently and traces her mouth lightly with her tongue until she parts her lips in invitation. Lena slides her tongue in slowly, exploring, caressing. Kara tastes tart like the wine she’d been sipping and sweet like the desserts she loves so much. For a moment their mouths press hotly together, Kara’s hand tangling in her hair. 

Kara uses her free hand on the nape of Lena’s neck to pull her in closer, melting into Lena’s body. Lena’s skin gives off a smoldering heat and she can feel the muscles of her shoulders through the thin t-shirt, hard and smooth. But Kara thinks Lena’s scent will be her undoing, its persuasive power stronger than any words. She can’t resist, it enters like a breath into her lungs, filling her up, imbuing everything. There’s no remedy.

Suddenly, Lena lunges up, using her thigh muscles to lift Kara with her. Kara’s long legs wrap around her automatically, like they’re coded to be there, and she clasps her hands tightly at the nape of Lena’s neck. Lena strides into the penthouse and down the hall to her bedroom—suddenly appreciating her newfound strength like never before.

She lurches over to the bed and Kara’s sure they’re going to fall into it, but instead Lena stops and gently unwraps Kara’s leg from her waist until Kara’s standing in front of her.

She’s still holding Kara close and whispers, “_I want to feel your skin against mine._” 

She pulls her head back and looks at Kara, her eyes blown wide and her voice husky with desire. “_Take off your clothes for me Kara…please._” 

Kara’s heart skips a beat at the longing in Lena’s plea. There’s a conversation taking place beyond the physical _need_ between them and it leaves her breathless.

She takes a step back and raises her hands to the first button of her blouse, never taking her eyes from Lena’s. The rich midnight blue of the top gorgeously complements her sun-drenched skin. Unhurriedly, her fingers shaking slightly, she begins to undo the buttons. Once they’re free, she lets the blouse slip back over her shoulders and down her arms to pool on the floor. 

Lena’s eyes are drawn to Kara’s delicate, lacy black bra gently cupping her firm and supple breasts, which she knows will fit perfectly into her hands. Kara unsnaps it, the bra going the way of the blouse, and Lena’s eyes are drawn to the smooth lines of her skin tapering down to nuclear pink tips, the dark crimson of her aureoles stark against her lighter skin. The desire in Lena’s eyes is scorching and Kara feels her nipples tightening, the cool air impotent to quench the vaporous heat between them, shimmering like evaporating gasoline.

She undoes the button of her jeans and unzips them slowly, the humming sound of the teeth parting loud in the quiet room—the only other sound their jagged breathing laced with desire. She uses both hands and slowly pushes them down over her taut thighs and her long, toned legs. Once they’re puddled at her feet, she steps out of them delicately, leaving her in a pair of silky black boy shorts. Lena inhales sharply. She expected matching black lace panties, but the reality is so much hotter. They cling to Kara’s shapely ass, ending at the apex of her thighs, leaving enough to the imagination and Lena swallows hard.

She wants nothing more than to run her hands all over Kara’s body, taste her skin, inhale her scent. There’s liquid heat pooling between her thighs and she wants Kara’s mouth on her and in her, soothing. But she’s waited a long time to claim Kara. 

So, she bites her lower lip and forces her hands to still against her legs. Kara’s gaze is wanton and piercing, as she gradually strips the last of the clothing clinging to her body. “_Kara…you are so beautiful…,_” Lena breathes like a prayer.

Kara smiles at her shamelessly, “_your turn._” 

Lena’s never had Kara’s patience, but she undresses slower than strictly necessary. Kara unhurriedly rakes her gaze down Lena’s body. Lena’s biceps and midriff are toned, her ass tight and curvy, and she's captivated by the color of her skin, a rich ivory so different from Kara’s own. Kara feels desire sparking like an agitation in her soul. It goes beyond wanting to get off. It’s a want to explore, and lick, and taste, and pleasure. They step towards each other unconsciously.

Lena kneels on the bed, holding Kara’s hand, “_lay on your back for me…please._” 

Kara’s desire’s a raging flood between her legs and she’s sure this inexorable pace will kill her, but she does as Lena asks. Lena straddles her hips, bringing Kara’s hands up to her waist. “_I want you to touch me…_” 

Kara’s breath hitches and her heart starts racing. She drags her fingertips slowly down Lena’s thighs, drawing nonsense patterns on her skin. Lena’s eyes are glued to hers and they’re continuing the conversation. Kara lifts her knees so Lena can lie back against them, giving her more access to Lena’s skin.

She meanders up and gently squeezes her thumbs into the apex of Lena’s thighs. Lena shivers slightly and Kara can see her arousal glistening, searing her skin with its heat. She explores Lena’s skin unhurriedly. She uses her nails to trace lightly around Lena’s aureoles, watching the stiff peaks rise. She detours, running her fingers down Lena’s torso, before returning to her nipples. 

Their breaths sound loud in the quiet room, the only light filtering through the windows. She uses the pads of her thumbs to rub and then squeeze Lena’s nipples until Lena can’t stifle a moan. She leans down and propels herself up Kara’s body, her arousal leaving a slick trail on Kara’s skin. She bends down and teases Kara’s lips with her tongue and whispers in her ear. “_I want your tongue inside me…_” 

The words travel like lightning to Kara’s core and her own arousal’s coating her thigh. “_Lena…I’ve dreamt of tasting you…_” 

Lena clasps Kara’s head in her hands and drowns in her mouth, swallowing Kara’s moans until she can’t breathe and has to tear away. She lifts and hovers over Kara’s mouth, using the wall to lean her hands against, bracing herself with her knees. Her hair frames her face and as she looks down, Kara memorizes the moment. 

She wraps her hands up and over Lena’s thighs, pulling her closer. Lena’s scent floods her senses like a raging flood and she wants to drown in it. She flattens her tongue and takes a long slow lick from the base of Lena’s sex to just under her clit. Lena’s flavored tangy and spicy and her scent’s citrusy mingled with the smell of her skin and soldiering iron (not possible, yet true). It’s intoxicating and heady, in all the best ways. 

Lena moans and leans her head on her arms resting on the wall. She’s breathing heavily and when Kara looks up, she sees a sheen of sweat coating her body. She runs her tongue ever so gradually up and then down Lena’s sex and is rewarded with evidence of Lena’s increased arousal. She kisses her outer lips tenderly, before pushing gently to her inner lips, placing soft kisses at Lena’s entrance. But this is not about teasing. Kara’s telling Lena with every touch she belongs to her.

She draws Lena down lower to settle onto her mouth, keeping her arms wrapped around her thighs. She swirls her tongue into Lena and she’s inundated with Lena’s flavor, captivated by the velvety texture, swamped with her smell. Her meandering tongue withdraws only to reach in deeper, losing herself in her lover and the sounds she’s drawing from her. 

Lena moans and calls Kara’s name, barely stopping herself from just grinding on Kara’s tongue. It just feels so _incredibly right _and she hates herself a little for waiting so long. Kara drags her tongue out and circles Lena’s wetness around her clit, sucking lightly, then dipping back inside to taste Lena again, “_oh my god Kara!_” 

She works Lena over tenderly, then forcefully, slowly, then speedily, shallowly, then deeply until Lena’s begging for release. “_Kara please…I want to come in your mouth…_” 

Hearing Lena, her voice dripping with craving, needing her, Kara loses herself completely. 

She engulfs Lena’s already protruding clit with her lips and strokes her tongue around it teasingly. Lena moans, not sure what she wants but knowing only Kara can satisfy the urgent _yearning_ inside her. Kara enters Lena with her fingers gradually, feeling Lena tight around her digits, opening and stretching for her and explores her wonderingly, overwhelmed by the intimacy of having Lena like this…on her tongue…of being inside her.

Unerringly she finds Lena’s g-spot and strokes over it in tune with laving on her clit and she feels Lena’s muscles tightening. Lena’s pulling Kara’s hair keeping her mouth where she wants it. 

“_Fuck! Yes, right there! Kara!_” and Lena’s orgasm comes rushing down like an avalanche and it lasts forever and it surpasses every one that came before and every fantasy, and its Kara and only Kara who can make her feel like this…worshiped and needed and _wanted_…

Kara licks and sucks and tastes until Lena pulls away, completely undone, although she follows with her mouth until Lena drops down next to her gasping and completely wrecked. Kara’s trying to catch her breath, dizzy, although not from lack of oxygen, but she would’ve gladly passed out with Lena on her tongue…

Lena’s breathing calms and she turns slowly, settling half on top of Kara’s body. She cradles Kara’s face with her hands and pulls her lips into her mouth, tasting her own arousal, chasing its flavor, swirling her tongue inside Kara’s until they’re both breathless again and she pulls away and rests her head on Kara’s shoulder, Kara’s arms wrapped around her. 

Kara gently tucks a strand of Lena’s hair behind her ear and kisses her shoulder. “Well that didn’t suck…” 

Lena’s laugh bursts from deep inside and she smiles warmly. “Oh, there was plenty of sucking.” 

Kara slaps her ass playfully and Lena wonders if this _feeling_, this overwhelming _emotion_, this _need_ Kara provokes in her is love or happiness. Maybe it’s both.

Lena smiles and straddles Kara’s midriff again. She bends down and bites the sensitive skin on Kara’s neck and nibbles her earlobe, letting her tongue lightly travel the rim. “I’m going to taste every inch of you,” she whispers hotly. 

Sliding down so she’s straddling her thighs, Lena skims Kara’s body with her hands, barely touching, making Kara quiver like the strings on a masterfully played violin. She continues nipping, biting, sucking Kara’s body, alternating pain with pleasure. Kara’s nipples are hard, body quivering and arching in anticipation. Lena strokes her clit lightly until Kara begs for relief. 

“Lena, please…” Stroking up from her clit to her breasts, circling her nipples, her finger coated with Kara’s essence, she slips it into Kara’s mouth.

Kara immediately sucks on it, sending a bolt of pleasure down Lena’s body. Lena pulls her finger out slowly and uses it to caress Kara’s lips, bending down and lapping them gently. Kara moans when she tastes herself in Lena’s kiss and she runs her nails down Lena’s back. Lena whispers so softly Kara almost misses it, “you’re my salvation, _deliver_ _me_.” 

It’s the hottest thing Kara’s ever heard and she’s desperate to feel Lena inside her. “Oh Rao! Lena…”

Lena reaches down to Kara’s fiery center and runs her fingertips gently over the surface. Kara’s stomach muscles tighten. Lena scoots down and eases her arms under Kara’s thighs and her cool hands hold her firmly as she lifts Kara to her lips. Kara feels Lena’s soft exhalations and she melts. Lena makes an indirect assault on Kara’s folds, licking first up one side and then the other, each stroke opening Kara up just a little more. It lasts forever and Kara finally breaks and growls. "_Lena!_"

Lena moves her tongue with renewed purpose and Kara grips the sheet tightly in her fists and distantly she thinks she hears tearing. The tip of Lena’s tongue traces a path between Kara’s folds, slowly pressing ever deeper until Kara feels her inside. Kara sighs in relief. But it is not a passive invasion.

Kara is so close to climax, but Lena seems able to spark bundles of nerves that release the tension keeping her on the razor’s edge of orgasm. Kara's breathing hard, almost hyperventilating, and her skin is damp with sweat. She whimpers and pleads under her breath “_please please please_” until Lena finally relents and seeks out her clit.

Lena's tongue touches her and Kara’s so sensitized that she feels the almost imperceptible movements as Lena draws a tiny infinity symbol. It’s an indescribable feeling. Lena continues to coax at the same frustratingly even pace and after a few moments Kara’s entire body is balanced on a single fulcrum of pleasure.

Lena slips her fingers in swiftly and strokes Kara’s g-spot firmly, driving Kara over the edge until she’s coming hard and moaning Lena’s name, arching into her mouth. Lena rides it out with her, gentling, caressing Kara’s stomach.

When Kara stills Lena pulls out and climbs her body. “I better increase my workouts if we’re going to keep doing this.” 

Kara catches her breath and laughs. “Is there any doubt? Because I can guarantee I want you to keep doing…well…in a word…me.” 

Lena rolls her eyes but doesn’t try to hide her smile. 

Then the sly smile Kara gets when she’s trying to be devious emerges and Lena groans playfully. “But baby we are so not done yet,” she smirks.

Despite her bravado, Kara lies quietly beside Lena and Lena studies her. There's an apprehensive look on her face and her eyes seem wracked with insecurity. Lena props herself up on her hand and runs her hand soothingly down Kara’s body. The touch is meant to be comforting not sexual, and although Kara smiles, she still seems troubled.

Lena speaks hesitantly. “Kara, you know this isn’t just a one-time thing, right? I want to…I don’t know…” 

Lena’s frustration grows when she can’t find the words to explain what she feels or what she wants, but Kara caresses her face and she calms, releasing a short breath. 

“I want a life with you even if I have no idea what that means.” Kara can’t help the tears that come unbidden and she sees the alarm in Lena’s face.

“It’s okay _acushla_, I’m just really happy and it’s a little overwhelming. When you’ve wanted someone so badly and for so long, the way I’ve wanted you and your deepest wish finally comes true, its ecstasy, but it’s also fear. Fear you’ll lose them, fear you won’t be enough, fear they’ll reject you again…it’s just something I’ll have to work through on my own.”

Lena looks at her resolutely. “No. You don’t ever have to do anything alone again. Not something like this anyway. Kara, I know you better than I know myself, better than I’ve ever known anyone, and better than anyone’s ever known you. I know exactly who you are and I want all of it. Loving, infuriating, angry, fragile, funny, sweet, brave, committed, and sometimes just plain weird. Oh, and sexy as hell and the best lover I’ve ever had, although that may be because I have feelings for you and not necessarily because you have a superior skill set.” 

Kara pinches her and Lena smiles.

“You know once I’ve made up my mind, nothing stands in my way. I keep my word and I don’t break my promises. I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Knowing us it definitely won’t always be smooth, but I’m not running anymore. Whatever I am is yours. Take it. If you want me.” 

Now Kara’s crying for a whole different reason, but Lena holds her until she’s done.

She looks at Lena hesitantly and takes a deep breath. “I want to make love to you Lena…not just…”

But Lena interrupts her, pulling Kara up so their naked bodies slot together and their lips meld like moonlight and shadow. Kara runs her hands through Lena’s hair, lightly scratching her scalp, eliciting a moan. She skims her hand down Lena’s arm, acquainting her fingertips with Lena’s body. Taking Lena’s hand in her own, she nibbles down the tender skin of Lena’s forearm placing butterfly kisses over her fingers.

Her mouth slightly parted, she looks into Lena’s eyes, asking permission before slowly claiming Lena’s mouth and Lena responds by licking Kara’s upper lip deliberately. Kara reaches up and uses her finger to trace Lena’s mouth, slipping it in slowly. Lena takes her finger and scrapes her teeth over it lightly still holding Kara’s gaze. Kara nibbles her way from Lena’s mouth to her neck, lightly sucking on her pulse point before grazing her tongue over the rim of her ear.

Lena lets the waves of pleasure roll over her, her skin tingling from Kara’s attention. Kara sucks gently along Lena’s collarbone while caressing her breast with her fingers. Lena’s mouth summons her like a siren’s call and Kara suckles her neck on the way, inhaling deeply, Lena’s scent the most intoxicating drug she’s ever known. She slips her tongue into Lena’s mouth, stroking gently, their lips massaging, breathing growing erotic. 

“I dream of you every night,” Kara breathes into Lena’s ear. She cradles her head in her hands while their mouths explore each other unhurriedly.

Lena runs her hands all over Kara’s back, biting softly at her shoulder. Kara slides down her body, nestling between her legs, circling her nipple with her tongue, loops gradually tightening. She bites Lena's stiff nipple gently, while licking its center with her tongue. Lena groans with need and Kara moves her attention to her other breast. “I’m going to trace your body with my mouth…every inch…” 

Kara keeps her promise and Lena stops thinking, willingly drowning in the flood of pleasure ravishing her body. Every nerve in Lena’s body feels electrified. “Kara, please…I need you…” 

Kara nuzzles her face into Lena’s center, twirling her tongue at her entrance, clasping hands with Lena. She can’t get enough of her taste, sliding her tongue inside then pulling out slowly before thrusting in deeper. Her upper lip is nudging Lena’s clit with every thrust of her tongue and Lena’s vibrating with pleasure, pulling on their clasped hands urgently. But Kara wants to look into Lena’s eyes when she comes, so she climbs up Lena’s body. Lena pulls her in for a deliciously languid kiss. Tasting herself in Kara’s mouth drives her to distraction and when she feel’s Kara’s wetness on her thigh, she thinks she might come undone.

Kara pulls out of the kiss. “I want to look at you Lena, please.” 

Lena opens her eyes and Kara enters her gradually, her eyes shining, offering every bit of herself. She pulls out almost completely, then thrusts deeply, while her clit rides Lena’s thigh. "It feels so right to be inside you," she murmurs. Lena loses track of time, every inch of her body balanced on the edge of climax. She cries Kara’s name shamelessly, but Kara maintains her steady rhythm slowly pulling Lena’s orgasm from her body like gravity on her soul.

Lena’s every muscle is taught with need, her body soaked with sweat, her thoughts filled with Kara. She’s moaning continuously. Kara’s own body is tensing and she knows she’s on the cusp of losing control. “I want you to come for me Lena…” 

Before she finishes speaking, she ghosts her thumb over Lena’s clit and Lena explodes with pleasure, gasping and clenching Kara to her tightly. Captivated by the wanton pleasure written on Lena’s face and her muscles clenching on her fingers Kara lets go, her orgasm ripping through her body. But she keeps her fingers inside Lena, applying gentle pressure until Lena unclenches, then gently withdraws.

She shifts and brings Lena with her so they’re lying sideways face to face. They’re both breathing hard and Lena’s dazed, her climax shattering her composure, leaving her raw and vulnerable, but she feels safe. As their breathing slows, a smile reaches out from Lena’s eyes and Kara comes undone in a totally different way. “I love you Lena.” 

Lena doesn’t hide from Kara’s words. “I know…just don’t ever stop…please…”

Kara smiles softly and pulls the comforter over them. Lena drifts off to sleep, content for the first time since before she learned her best friend was Supergirl, or maybe ever. She throws her leg over Kara’s and drapes her arm over her abdomen, her head tucked into Kara’s neck. Kara watches her late into the night, still afraid she’ll wake up and this will all have been a dream.

* * *

Kara wakes in the warm cocoon of Lena’s arms. It’s real. They’re real. She stretches lazily, nosing into Lena’s neck, inhaling the sleepy scent of Lena’s warm skin, draping her body on Lena's. Lena stirs and rests her hand on Kara' back, still mostly asleep. Kara runs her nails down Lena’s back gently to the curve of her ass, and then kneads softly, enjoying the feel of Lena’s firm glutes in her hand. Lena sighs drowsily.

Kara doesn’t need further encouragement to continue her leisurely exploration. She drags the pad of her fingers down the back of Lena’s thigh, then back along her ribcage, simultaneously lowering her head and taking a nipple in her mouth. She sucks lightly, licking gently, coaxing it into alertness. Lena whispers Kara’s name, her eyes still closed, and shifts slightly so Kara’s mostly on top now. Kara takes her time worshipping Lena’s breasts, nipping at their undersides, drawing her nipples into her mouth, luxuriating in the feeling of the erect nubs playing on her tongue.

Rubbing her cheek against Lena’s smooth skin like a cat, she floats languorously down her body. Her breast grazes Lena’s center briefly and she feels Lena’s wetness cling to her nipple. Her hands trail freely behind her, caressing every inch of Lena’s skin as she meanders in her feline exploration.

She places sloppy kisses on Lena’s tight abs down to her pubic bone, inhaling the scent of her arousal. Lena hums contentedly and idly strokes Kara’s arms, which are indolently stroking her breasts. Kara continues her journey dreamily down to Lena’s center, placing warm kisses on her inner thighs and nibbling tenderly.

She reaches her destination, lavishing Lena’s center with a long broad lick of her tongue. She hears Lena’s drawn out groan of pleasure and smiles. Her hands are drawing random patterns on Lena’s stomach, while her tongue continues to savor the liquid heat pooling between Lena’s legs.

She dips inside and is rewarded with more evidence of Lena’s arousal. She spreads the slick over and around Lena’s clit and Lena arches lazily into her tongue. Kara continues with long unhurried licks from the base of Lena’s sex then circles over and around her hood until she entices Lena’s clit into making an appearance.

She sucks ever so delicately, caressing with her tongue until she feels the measured tensing of Lena’s muscles under her lingering hand. Lena’s moaning consistently “_oh right there Kara don’t stop please_” until her orgasm washes over her, eventually retreating like waves on the shore.

Kara crawls unhurriedly to Lena’s mouth, capturing her lips in a deep and soothing kiss. Lena chases her flavor with her tongue, her hands cradling Kara’s head gently. When they come up for air Lena’s smiling contentedly. “You can wake me up with your tongue anytime…”

Kara grins and cuddles into Lena’s body, her warm breath tickling Lena’s ear. “I missed you. It’d been hours. Besides we have years of orgasms to catch up on.” 

Lena rolls her eyes and shakes her head, smiling at Kara’s dramatic declaration. She runs her hands through Kara’s hair soothingly until they drift off to sleep again. 

* * *

The next time Kara wakes, Lena’s not next to her and she panics for a second. But she hears sounds from the kitchen and smells coffee so she drags herself out of bed. 

“Good morning darling.” Lena looks over and laughs at Kara’s disheveled appearance. She smiles smugly, “Well you look like you’ve been thoroughly fucked.”

Kara lets her have her moment, while she grabs a mug of coffee. She leans against the counter and takes a sip, moaning appreciatively. Lena knows it’s ridiculous but the sound makes her wet. “We…emphasis on _we_…smell like a brothel.” 

Lena sniffs the only thing she’s wearing, the shirt from last night. “Eh…not so bad…we’ve smelled worse. But I could definitely use a shower.” She turns towards the bathroom.

Kara hesitates, not sure if Lena wants to shower together but the question is answered when Lena quirks her eyebrows and points towards the bathroom with her head.

They step into the shower together and Lena turns on the water, adjusting the temperature a little warmer than normal, so Kara can feel the soothing warmth. She grabs the shower gel and squirts a generous amount onto the washcloth. She lathers Kara’s body playfully until it devolves into a more passionate exploration.

Lena captures Kara’s lips, demanding entrance, stroking Kara’s tongue with her own until they’re forced to pull apart to breathe. She nips sharply at Kara’s neck and nipples and Kara hisses, feeling her arousal already pooling between her legs.

Lena’s hands are everywhere, touching every inch of Kara’s skin until Kara pleads for more, “_please Lena inside I need you inside_” 

Lena circles her entrance, Kara’s essence coating her fingers. She teases Kara’s clit before entering her gradually.

Kara moans at the intimate contact, grabbing Lena’s ass and pulling her tighter into her body. Lena begins thrusting deep and hard and fast and Kara’s gasping into her ear, “_yes yes yes right there don’t stop…_” 

Lena hits Kara’s g-spot with every thrust, pushing Kara higher and higher until her orgasm hits and her muscles are clenching Lena’s fingers tight inside her. Lena gentles her through it until Kara relaxes against the shower wall.

Kara smiles, a look of complete satisfaction on her face. “Fuck Lena that was intense! We’ll be showering together often.” 

Lena smiles smugly, extremely pleased with herself. Kara rolls her eyes and pinches her ass. They start lathering again and this time manage to actually get clean.

They’re finally dressed for the day, both of them late for work, but unable to keep their hands off each other when Lena suddenly turns grave.

“Kara—there’s something I need to say and I need you to hear me,” she says intently.

“Of course,” Kara replies confidently.

“I don’t share. If you’re in—I want all of it. Honesty, trust, commitment—I am yours and you are mine. I want your fidelity—eyes, mind, heart and soul,” Lena demands possessively.

Kara’s uncertain smile turns radiant. “I promise, my love—for as long as you’ll have me, I am yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> The narrative assumes all events occurred as they did in cannon through the end of season 4, although not necessarily with the same implications/motivations. There may be scenes that augment cannon so long as they are not inconsistent with accepted canon. By accepted canon I mean what we actually saw on-screen or heard through dialogue.


End file.
